有奖活动-《变形金刚》翻译评论

resonance

We live among its people now

liuyx_6

我们现在和他们人类生活在一起。
我觉得因为说这句话的是擎天柱，他不是地球人，按照语法，他眼中的地球人就是its people
或者说，这个its指代的是地球。这样理解也可以。

20072007

On some planet in the immense universe lived a machine-type life called "Transformer". They developed into two stamps: One advocated justice and peace, while the other tyranny and atrocity. Then, a war broke out between them. The war lasted for several hundred years and exhausted the energy resources on the planet. Therefore, the commander-in-chief of the former determined to lead his men to search for a new homeland in the universe. However, the latter followed them immediately. In a fierce battle, both of their spaceships crashed into the earth by accident. After several hundred years, the central system is triggered again due to a volcanic eruption. They are reshaped respectively in forms of cars and aircrafts. Again, they start the war on the earth.

根据楼主译文，做以下改动：详细请对比该文与楼主原文
现在谈谈改动的理由，楼主自行判断，也希望大家提出批评。

译文应该力求准确，简洁，顺畅。
1. a 改成some：某一个星球
2. species改成life：很明显，a与species发生冲突
3. transformer应该为单数，也是和a保持一致
4. stamps个人觉得比sides更强烈
5. justice and peace与tyranny and atrocity形似和相对，突出两个对立的阵营
6. men比community更具体。
7. Then英文比较重视衔接词。汉语则强调意合。
8. 该句舍弃被动语态。使得两个动词共享一个主语显得有力而且简洁。英语力求and后突然更换主语。（详见章振邦新编英语语法或者任何一本英语写作课本）
9. 加了个However，突出语气转折。
10.英语中喜用代词，汉语喜重复，文中能够极力用代词的地方都体现了代词的用处，尽力避免重复。
  我用了latter，former也是这个意思。
11. after 一个词能够节省has passed，所以。。。。。。
12. reshaped比re-assembled准确。respectively是修饰主语的，为了避免修饰谁混淆不清，顾离主 语近点还是好些。
13. Again提前，强调战争的复始吧。

我个人觉得这个练习具有启发性，可以多举办几期，容易凝聚智慧，可惜我来晚了，其他论文摘要很想参与，可惜威望不够，呵呵！！！

yinianwuyu

On a distant planet, there lived some kind of machine life (body)
named “ Transformer”. During the process of evolvement, the “ Transformer” divided into two factions, one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) while (and) the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON). After war of hundreds years (hundreds years of war), all energy in the planet was almost exhausted (used up). Therefore, the AUTOBOT decided to go out to find a new planet. The DECEPTION tailed behind the AUTOBOT. In a fierce battle, the spaceship s
of the two fictions crashed into the earth by accident. After several hundred years, the figures of the two factions were reformed according to the shape of cars and aerocrafts by computer, which started again caused by volcanic eruption. Then, the war continued (restarted)
on the earth.

xiao100

引用第42楼20072007于2008-03-08 19:29发表的 :
1. a 改成some：某一个星球
2. species改成life：很明显，a与species发生冲突
3. transformer应该为单数，也是和a保持一致
.......

觉得头三条改的不好
1、a 某一个， some 某些， the才是特指
2、species即时单数也是复数
3、transformers更恰当

yinianwuyu

In the remote universe on a planet (star)，there was (is) living one kind of machine life （is） called “Transformers” (the machine life body) .They have divided into two factions during(which in) the evolution. one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) while the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON) (advocation just peace and becomes second nature cruelly).(Between both armies has carried on) After (several) hundred s of year s ‘war, (has exhausted on nearly the star) all energy on the planet has almost exhausted. (By) The leader of AUTOBOT (was deciding that) decided to lead the clansman to go to the universe to seek for a (the) new homeland, while (but) evil leader tailed behind them  (to have followed) , the bilateral battleship carshed (crashes) accidentally on the Earth. Several hundred years later, the host computer got (getting) it in gear again because of volcanic eruption, (the image parting for according to the automobile and aerocraft reforms) both sides reformed according to the shape of cars and aerocrafts . Then (Thus), ( in) the war continued on the earth (to carry out) ......

toddy

有来有回

On a distant planet, there lived some kind of machine life body named “Transforms”. During the process of evolvement, the “Transforms” divided into two factions, one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) and the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON). After hundreds years of war, all energy in the planet was used up. The AUTOBOT decided to go out to find new planet. The DECEPTION tailed behind the AUTOBOT. The spaceship of the two fictions crashed into the earth by accident. After several hundred years, the figures of the two factions were reformed according to the shape of cars and aerocrafts by computer, which started again caused by volcanic eruption. Then, the war restarted on the earth.

1.distant 改为 remote，偏僻的,遥远的，显得离我们很偏远，要好些。
2.kind 改为 kinds，复数形式哦。小错误
3.body 应该不用，不然显得有点wordy。
4。faction 改为parts，个人举的faction有小部分的意思，明明就是分成两个部分，一好一坏。
5。one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) and the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON). 这句话语法有点小问题：
改为 one is peace-louing and the other one is tyrannical 或者 the peace-louing one and the tyannical one.这样感觉要通顺些。
6，use 改为 used up，最好是改为exhausted。被这些机器man用完了，嘿嘿，太耗能了他们
7，new 前面应该加个a。
8，the deception 前面应该加个连接词进行过度。However，the deception followed them at once，这样句子显得更连贯些。
9，figures of the two改为both of them were。。前面用过这个巨型，再用就显得重复了。其次主语为人物的时候直接说显得更直接了当，符合西方人的思维方式，容易接收。
10，最后的这个从句太冗长，定语从句 according去掉。可以参考这样翻译 the computer system which was reshaped in forms of cars and aircrafts was started again because of a volcanic eruption。


很喜欢这个栏目，又练习英语，也有机会得威望，能有很大进步，主要是斑竹能将这个项目深入，让大家在一个栏目上不断出新，大家也觉得很有乐趣。
下次一定早点来，希望多拿威望，嘿嘿！！

zhuazhua

对‘有来有回‘译文的修改：

On a distant planet, there lived some kind of machine life body named “Transforms” [named "Transforms"=>called 'Transformers']. During the process of evolvement [the process of evolution =>the evolution], the “Transforms” [Transformers] divided into two factions [two types], one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) [one peace-louing=>one with justice] and the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON) [the other tyrannical =>the other with violence and cruelty] . After hundreds years of war [wars], all [the] energy in [on] the planet was used up. The AUTOBOT decided to go out to find [search for a] new planet. The DECEPTION tailed [traced] behind the AUTOBOT. The spaceship of the two fictions [parties] crashed into [on] the earth by accident. After several hundred years [several hundreds of years later], the figures of the two factions [parties] were reformed according to [re-transformed to ] the shape [shapes] of cars and aerocrafts by [the] computer, which started again [started again=> restarted] caused by [caused by=>because of] volcanic eruption [eruptions]. Then, [Then once again] the war restarted on the earth.

liloveyou

个人比较喜欢Michel2kme的译文。感觉我们两个的翻译风格比较接近。有几点小建议，如有不对的地方，敬请指正。

On a planet far into the universe lived a variety of robots called "transformers". During their revolution,they broke up and came into being two clans, of which one was for justice and peace and the other was for cruelty and killing. The war between them last hundreds of years, which nearly exhausted all the resources on the planet. The head of justice was determined to lead his men to seek a new home out of the universe, however, the head of evils came close behind, and the warships of both sides crashed into the planet of the earth by accident. Hundreds of years later, the main computer reboot as a result of the volcano eruption, and it transformed both the old enemies by the image of automobiles and flying machines. Finally, another new round of war between them broke out on the earth.....
1.During their revolution 中，revolution是不是用evolution更好一些呢？
2.they broke up and came into being two clans是不是可以用they divided into two clans?

dsz122

messenger

On a remote planet in the universe, there was a kind of machinery organism named "TRANSFORMERS", that was divided into two parts during evolvement, one pursued justice and peace and another was cruel and aggressive. All energy on the planet was almost exhausted by the war between the two parts over several million years. The chief of justice decided to lead his followers into an expedition to a new home in the universe. When the chief of evil caught up with them, the battleships of
two parts crashed onto the earth accidentally. After several million years, the main computers were reset because of explosion of volcano, and the two parts remodeled themself according to automobiles and aerocrafts respectively. Then, the war was fought again on the earth...
个人觉得messenger战友翻译的很好，有几点自己和大家交流一下
1。On a planet of the remote universe," remote "用来修饰“universe”比较符合原文的意思。"in"改为"of "可能更符合英语习惯用法。
2。one pursued justice and peace ， another pursued cruel and aggressive.“and”去掉使句子读起来连贯些。“was”改为"pursued "使句子谓语保持一致。
3。“ to ”改为'for "表示寻找东西。
4。“After several million years”改为“several million years later"表示。。。。后

yinianwuyu

(In) On a (distant) planet in the distant universe, (life is a known as the "Transformers" a one machine life), there lived some kind of machine body named “ Transformer”. (they) They (Split) split into two factions in the evolution, (concerning justice of the peace and the brutal) one peace-louing (AUTOBOT) while the other tyrannical(DECEPTICON)..
The two sides (bring) brang (several hundred years of war) hundreds of years war, and almost exhausted all the energy on the planet. (Then) Therefore the justice leader (make)made a decision to find a new (universe of home) planet, while (but) the evil leader (followed) tailed behind them. In a fierce battle, the two (side's) sides warships crashed (in the accident on the planet. ) into the earth by accident.
After a few hundred years, because of the volcanic eruptions then the main computer restart ed, (in accordance with the image of the automotive and aircraft the two sides transformated.) the figures of the two factions were reformed according to the shape of cars or aerocrafts
Then, the war (in) on the Earth (carry out) continued......