有奖『翻译练习』（第三期）（已奖励）

montana

大家好，『翻译练习』（第三期）与大家见面了，感谢大家的参与，我们会对积极参与的朋友予以奖励。我们争取每周发布一期，希望大家共同探讨翻译的问题，让我们一起进步。
   有的网友反映前两次原文较难，这次咱们就来篇现代散文如何，大家尽可以放手去译 ：）
   不过，我们坚决反对抄袭，一经发现，轻则扣钱，重则扣威望。怕怕～～～～ ：（

原文：

   他要出国。人没出外贸局的大门，这消息便不胫而走。
　　回到家里，屋里早坐满了人“哥，给我捎台带电脑的收录机！”弟弟是那么兴奋，似乎收录机唾手可得。
　　“哥，给我捎一套高级化妆品！”妹妹是那么激动，好象高级化妆品已在她身上发挥了作用，更增添了她的妩媚。
　　“妈，您捎点什么？”他问。
　　“不捎别的，捎台洗衣机就行！”丈母娘也高兴得什么似的，嘴都快咧到了耳朵根底下。
　　“娘，您老呢？”
　　“不管咋着，把你捎回来就中！”娘的眼里闪着晶莹的光。
　　人陆续走了。
　　“志华，你捎点……”他柔情地扶着妻的肩。
　　“……我和娘一样……”妻深情地望着他。
　　他的眼霎时湿漉漉了，两串珍珠似的东西滴在妻的秀发上。

montana

同时，期待着看到朋友们对于此文翻译的心得哦：）

融融

           He wants to go abroad. The man  has not gone out trade bureau's front door, this news then disappears without a trace.
　　 The room has been occupied before he gets  home. " Elder brother, takes the Taiwan belt computer to me the radio cassette player!" The younger brother is that excited, the radio cassette player is as if extremely easy to obtain.
　　" Elder brother, takes set of seniors cosmetics to me!" The younger sister is that excited, resembled the senior cosmetics to play the role on her body, has increased her charming.
　　"Mother, what do you take?" He asked.
　　"Does not take other, takes the Taiwan washer line!" The mother-in-law is also happy any to resemble, the mouth was all quick to the ear foundation under.
　　"Mother, you?"
　　"How no matter, is bringing back you center!" The crystal clear light  is dodging in the mother's eyes.
　　The  man walked one after another.
　　"Will China, you take... ... " His tender feelings are holding wife's shoulder.
　　"... ... I and the mother are same... ... " The wife is looking him affectionately.
　　His eye instantly wet, two strings pearls resemble thing drop in wife on luxuriant.

我来第一个交作业吧。

montana

呵呵，融融版主出手可真快啊！赞一个：）
不过好像有些地方理解有些偏差哦，比如“this news then disappears ”，“takes the Taiwan belt computer ”。
还有就是那个resemble，“A resemble B”指A像B。该句原文逻辑主语是“The younger sister ”后面宾语是“senior cosmetics 怎么怎么样”，是不是还需再考虑一下？

montana

恕我直言，感觉融融版主的译文怎么像是翻译软件翻出来的？

ddl3

He was going to abroad. and the news spread immediatly through the family.
when he got back home, the sitting room was full of relatives. "Hey, buddy, Bring me a digital walkman!" his brother was so excited as he had got it. "Bring me a set of good cosmetic, brother" his sister was also excited as she had already been using that to improve her beauty.
"what do you need, mother?" "Just a washing machine is enough" his mother in lawer was so happy, like on top of the world.
"and you, mum"
"no, just bring yourself back" tears droped from his mother's eyes.
the relatives left all at last.
"Zhihua, shall i bring you some..."he tenderly hold his wife's shoulder.
"me, just like mum" she looked at him with deep affection.
he could not hold his tears anymore, and let them fall on his wife's hair.

tycoon

他要出国。人没出外贸局的大门，这消息便不胫而走。
  He is going abroad. The news soon spreads among his collegues in Bureau of Foreign Trade before he knows where he is.
　　回到家里，屋里早坐满了人“哥，给我捎台带电脑的收录机！”弟弟是那么兴奋，似乎收录机唾手可得。
   After he returns home from office, his house is already crowded with his families awaiting him. " Buy me a micro-computer integrated radio recorder." his brother excitedly claims as if he could get it at once.
　　“哥，给我捎一套高级化妆品！”妹妹是那么激动，好象高级化妆品已在她身上发挥了作用，更增添了她的妩媚。
  " Get me a set of de luxe cosmetics." his sister tells him in great joy. It seems as if cosmetics has already worked and made her more charming.
　　“妈，您捎点什么？”他问。
  " mum, what would you like?" he asks
　　“不捎别的，捎台洗衣机就行！”丈母娘也高兴得什么似的，嘴都快咧到了耳朵根底下。
   " A washing machine is what I expect." his mother-in-law smiles broadly
　　“娘，您老呢？”
    "What about you, mum?"
　　“不管咋着，把你捎回来就中！”娘的眼里闪着晶莹的光。
    "Anyhow, I only hope you'll come back sound and safe." mother says, tears glistening in her eyes
　　人陆续走了。
   people go one after another and his wife and he are now alone.
　　“志华，你捎点……”他柔情地扶着妻的肩。
　　“……我和娘一样……”妻深情地望着他。
　　他的眼霎时湿漉漉了，两串珍珠似的东西滴在妻的秀发上。
  " Zhihua, what do you want?" He puts his hands on his wife's shoulder softly.
   " Like mother , I also hope you'll be back sound and safe. " his wife is looking at him passionately.
    Immediately his eyes are filled with tears, some, dropping on his wife's hair.

tycoon

Though it looks very simple, it's not so easy to be truthful, appropriate and elegant to the original version

融融

我的译文是参考了翻译软件，不过没有抄。

oldbigbar

The news of his going abroad spread fast before he left the Bureau of Foreign Trade .
  When he came home, his house was already crowded with his relatives. " hi, body! take along a radio recorder with computer to me." his brother claimed so excitedly, as if it were within his reach.
" Get me a suit of high class cosmetics,big brother." his sister asked him joyfully. It seemed cosmetics had begun to work and make her more lovely.
"Mum, what would you like?" he asked .
  "Just a washing machine I think." his mother-in-law was so glad that she were almost drowning in her happiness.  
  "What about you, Mum?"
  "Son , I only hope you'll come back sound and safe." mother said with tears running in her eyes
  People left one by one and there were just his wife and him.
  " Zhihua, what can I do for you?" He hold his wife's shoulders tenderly.
  " Like mum , I do hope you'll be back sound and safe. " his wife was looking at his eyes  deeply.
  Immediately his eyes were humid, then, some dripping on his wife's hair.

　　

montana

下面是引用tycoon于2005-06-04 14:48发表的:
Though it looks very simple, it's not so easy to be truthful, appropriate and elegant to the original version

That's true.

水加水

just have a try.

He was  going abroad .The news had been known by so many people before he left the foreign trade bureau.
Before he got home ,it had been  crowded with people .”Bring me a recorder with computer!”, shouted his little brother excitedly as if the recorder can be obtained at once.
“bring  high-grade cosmetics for me!”His little sister was so excited as if the cosmetics had really worked  which had made her look more beautiful.
“mother-in-law, what can I bring for you,then?”,he asked.
“nothing but a washing machine!”his mother-in-law was laughing so much that her mouth seemed couldn’t be closed.
“mom,what about you?”
“No matter what happened , as long as you can  bring yourself back home!” said his mother with tears in eyes.
As time went by, people left one by one.
“Zhihua,you want me to bring ……?”,he held his wife’s shoulder affectionately and asked.
“just the same as mom ”，his wife watched him soulfully.
He was  so touched  at the moment that  the tears were dropping down on his wife’s beautiful hair.

montana

下面是引用融融于2005-06-04 18:51发表的:
我的译文是参考了翻译软件，不过没有抄。

呵呵，没说你抄：）

融融

这个是金山翻译的，只能参考一下。

  He wants to go abroad.The person did not go out the front door of the bureau of 贸 , this news is then not 胫 but walk.
  Return to the home, sit early in house full person" elder brother, give me the pedestal of 捎 take the radio/tape recorder of the computer!" The younger brother is so excited, seem to the radio/tape recorder 唾 hand and can get.
  " Elder brother, give me a set of deluxe cosmetics of 捎 !" The younger sister is so excited, the deluxe cosmetics of good elephant has already developped the function in her body, even increasing her charmingly feminine.
  " Mama, what does your 捎 order?" He ask.
  " Not the 捎 is another, the 捎 pedestal washer go!" The mother-in-law is also happy to get what, the mouths are all quick went to the ear basis to descend.
  " 娘 , You are old?"
  " Ignore the 咋 write, coming back your 捎 medium!" The eyes of the 娘 in the 闪 wears the radiant light.
  The person walked continuously.
  A shoulder that supports the wife.
  " My similar to 娘…… of the …… " wife  deep feeling ground hopes him.
  The his eye is a short moment the dripping wet, two strings of pearly things drop on the show hair of the wife.

我再交个修改稿，：）。

      He wanted to go abroad.The news had got abroad before he went out trade bureau's front door.
    The room had been occupied before he got home. "Big brother, takes the Taiwan belt computer to me the radio cassette player!" The younger brother is that excited, the radio cassette player is as if extremely easy to obtain.
　 " Big brother, takes set of seniors cosmetics to me!"  The younger sister was so excited that the deluxe cosmetics of good cosmetics had already developped the function in her body, even increasing her charmingly feminine.
　　"Mother, what do you take?" He asked.
　　"Does not take other, takes the Taiwan washer line!" The mother-in-law was also very happy. Her mouth was all quick to the ear foundation under.
　　"Mother, you?"
　　"How no matter, I am eager for your returing." The crystal clear light was dodging in the mother's eyes.
　　The man walked one after another.
　　"Zhihua, you take... ... " His tender feelings was holding wife's shoulder.
　　"... ...  the mother  and I are the same... ... " The wife  looked at him affectionately.
　　His eyes were instantly wet, two strings pearls resemble thing drop in wife on luxuriant.

   不妥之处,欢迎批评指正。

montana

金山其实很垃圾的，我从不用那个。机器翻译研究在近十年内可能都很难有大的突破。
简而言之，翻译就是用一种语言把另一种语言所表达的思想内容，感情，风格等忠实地重新表现出来。因此对原文的理解，把握就至关重要了。我们要争取把原文的“真义”翻出来，而不能仅仅满足于表面的字字对应。记得多年前曾经看到过一本书，具体叫什么名字忘了。作者说，英文可以和中文一一对应着来学，比如说：“I love you”就是“我爱你”，“Tom hit Mike in the face”就是“汤姆打了麦克的脸”，书中充斥这这样的简单句子。可是要是遇到下面的句子怎么办呢？ “Additional errors are, of course, connected with faulty reasoning; but so widespread and serious are the consequences that may arise from this source that they deserve separate treatment in the following unit.”有兴趣的朋友可以试着翻翻看：）

montana

融融的第二篇译文注意到了时态的问题，很好：）

montana

水加水这位朋友翻译得很洒脱，译文简直无可挑剔，谢谢你的热情参与！
一点小意见，下次翻的时候，请多多注意大小写的问题，因为我的眼里实在揉不得沙子。

水加水

谢谢版主的鼓励，我一定会多多参与，下次也一定会多多注意！其实我关注有奖翻译练习已经有一段时间啦，觉得前面的稍有难度，就没有足够的信心来尝试了。这次选的文章也挺感人的，就过来试试啦。

hyde2457

上面几位的译文看了一下，在时态和句式上各执己见，还是自己来试一试吧。
他要出国。人没出外贸局的大门，这消息便不胫而走。
He is going abroad. Before he went back home, the news spread quickly in the Foreign Trade Bureau.
　　回到家里，屋里早坐满了人“哥，给我捎台带电脑的收录机！”弟弟是那么兴奋，似乎收录机唾手可得。
When back, many people flocked to his house. ”Buy me a computer-assisted recorder, Brother. ” exclaims his younger brother, as if it is easy to get.
　　“哥，给我捎一套高级化妆品！”妹妹是那么激动，好象高级化妆品已在她身上发挥了作用，更增添了她的妩媚。
“I want a set of fancy cosmetics .” his sister looks excited which seems worked and graced by the cosmetics.
　　“妈，您捎点什么？”他问。
“Mum, what would you like me to buy?”  he asks,
　　“不捎别的，捎台洗衣机就行！”丈母娘也高兴得什么似的，嘴都快咧到了耳朵根底下。
“Nothing else but a washer. ” his mother-in-law laughs to her ears.
　　“娘，您老呢？”
“What about you, Mom?”
　　“不管咋着，把你捎回来就中！”娘的眼里闪着晶莹的光。
“Son , I only hope you'll come back sound and safe.” Says his mother in tears.
　　人陆续走了。
Then they left one by one, leaving he and his wife alone.
　　“志华，你捎点……”他柔情地扶着妻的肩。
“What do you need, Zhihua?” he caresses her shoulder tenderly.
　　“……我和娘一样……”妻深情地望着他。
“Like Mom, I hope you'll come back sound and safe. ” his wife looks at him affectionately.
　　他的眼霎时湿漉漉了，两串珍珠似的东西滴在妻的秀发上。
Tears run down his face, dropping down on her hair.

montana

下面是引用水加水于2005-06-05 13:16发表的:
谢谢版主的鼓励，我一定会多多参与，下次也一定会多多注意！其实我关注有奖翻译练习已经有一段时间啦，觉得前面的稍有难度，就没有足够的信心来尝试了。这次选的文章也挺感人的，就过来试试啦。

很多朋友给我发过短信，要求选材时要注意文章的难度，的确应该这样。谢谢大家的参与！