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[【读书进行时】] 有奖阅读:短篇佳作《品质》(难度略降,钱袋大张)

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发表于 2008-9-21 03:55:44 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
这是我读过的第一篇高尔斯华绥的小说,大概是在十五年前,当时很有感触。老靴匠身上体现了我们中华民族引以为豪的一些传统美德,这让我不由联想到当下沸沸扬扬的某个事件。小说具体写了什么请自己去感受和体会,如果在这里妄作点评将是一件非常扫兴的事,而文中何处值得大圈大点也是见仁见智。且看我怎么凑够版规要求的300字吧。正文是以网上找到的文字版为基础,参照新文艺出版社57年扫描版校对而得的,有些地方根据原著略作修改。为了鼓励认真阅读、反复品味,对首先指出文字中某个明显错讹或者明显不如57版之处的朋友,在下按每处5豆奖励,现集资金额达140豆 (欢迎赞助),并更新贴出的译文。由于没有系统对照原著,57版译文中既有的失误不算在内。文末附件里是我排好的PDF版,视觉效果应该比网页强不少。此处汉字三百整。Happy reading!

Update: 今天又得到一大笔赞助,俺财富翻了番,但老是攥着也怪吓人的。是不是俺的校对水平太好了呢?现在对奖励办法增补如下:对首先指出译文中某个明显瑕疵并能较好改进,或者认真参与讨论并且言之成理的朋友,每处按1~4币奖励。由于和“译文中既有的失误不算在内”的最初设想不符,此类奖项将以“鼓励”标出,一般不在下面的译文中修改,以尽量保持沈译特色。评分多少当然由俺好恶决定,对于评分明显偏低的跟帖,版主或许另有封赏,请保持理智,做和谐社会的文明公民。另外,本帖评分就不用短消息通知了,免得烦不胜烦;哪位朋友想要的话请在跟帖内说明。



品质

[英] 高尔斯华绥 (沈长钺译)
1911年

我很年轻时就认识他了,因为他承做我父亲的靴子。他和他哥哥合开一爿店,店房有两间打通的铺面,开设在一条横街上——这条街现在已经不存在了,但是在那时,它却是坐落在伦敦西区的一条新式街道。

那座店房有某种朴素安静的特色;门面上没有注明任何为王室服务的标记,只有包含他自己日耳曼姓氏的“格斯拉兄弟”的招牌;橱窗里陈列着几双靴子。我还记得,要想说明橱窗里那些靴子为什么老不更换,我总觉得很为难,因为他只承做订货,并不出售现成靴子;要说那些都是他做得不合脚因而被退回来的靴子,那似乎是不可想像的。是不是他买了那些靴子来做摆设的呢?这好像也不可思议。把那些不是亲手做的皮靴陈列在自己的店里,他是决不能容忍的。而且,那几双靴子太美观了——有一双轻跳舞靴,细长到非言语所能形容的地步;那双带布口的漆皮靴,叫人看了舍不得离开;还有那双褐色长统马靴,闪着怪异的黑而亮的光辉,虽然是簇新的,看来好像已经经历过一百年了。只有亲眼看过靴子灵魂的人才能做出那样的靴子——这些靴子体现了各种靴子的本质,确实是模范品。我当然在后来才有这种想法,不过,在我大约十四岁那年,我够格去跟他订做成年人靴子的时候,对他们两兄弟的品格就有了些模糊的印象。因为从那时起一直到现在,我总觉得,做靴子,特别是做像他所做的靴子,简直是神妙的手艺。

我清楚地记得:有一天,我把幼小的脚伸到他跟前,羞怯地问道:

“格斯拉先生,做靴子是不是很难的事呢?”

他回答说:“这是一种手艺。”从他含讽带刺的红胡根上,突然露出了一丝微笑。

他本人有点儿像皮革制成的人:脸庞黄皱皱的,头发和胡须是微红和鬈曲的,双颊和嘴角间斜挂着一些整齐的皱纹,话音很单调,喉音很重;因为皮革是一种死板板的物品,本来就有点儿僵硬和迟钝。这正是他的面孔的特征,只有他的蓝灰眼睛含蓄着朴实严肃的风度,好像在迷恋着理想。他哥哥虽然由于勤苦在各方面都显得更虚弱、更苍白,但是他们两兄弟却很相像,所以我在早年有时要等到跟他们订好靴子的时候,才能确定他们到底谁是谁。后来我搞清楚了:如果没有说“我要问问我的兄弟”,那就是他本人;如果说了这句话,那就是他的哥哥了。

一个人年纪大了而又荒唐起来以致于赊账的时候,不知怎么的,他决不赊格斯拉兄弟俩的账。如果有人拖欠他几双——比如说——两双以上靴子的价款,竟心安理得地确信自己还是他的主顾,所以走进他的店铺,把自己的脚伸到那蓝色铁架眼镜底下,那就未免有点儿太不应该了。

人们不可能时常到他那里去,因为他所做的靴子非常经穿,一时穿不坏的——他好像把靴子的精华缝到靴子里去了。

人们走进他的店堂,不会像走进一般店铺那样怀着“请把我要买的东西拿来,让我走吧!”的心情,而是心平气和地像走进教堂那样。来客坐在那张仅有的木椅上等候着,因为他的店堂里从来没有人的。过了一会,可以看到他的或他哥哥的面孔从店堂里二楼楼梯口往下边张望——楼梯口是黑洞洞的,同时透出沁人脾胃的皮革气味。随后就可以听到一阵喉音,以及趿拉着木皮拖鞋踏在狭窄木楼梯上的踢跶声;他终于站在来客的面前,上身没有穿外衣,背有点儿弯,腰间围着皮围裙,袖子往后卷起,眼睛霎动着——像刚从靴子梦中惊醒过来,或者说,像一只在日光中受了惊动因而感到不安的猫头鹰。

于是我就说:“你好吗,格斯拉先生?你可以给我做一双俄国皮靴吗?”

他会一声不响地离开我,退回到原来的地方去,或者到店堂的另一边去;这时,我就继续坐在木椅上休息,欣赏皮革的香味。不久后,他回来了,细瘦多筋的手里拿着一张黄褐色皮革。他眼睛盯着皮革对我说:“多么美的一张皮啊!”等我也赞美一番以后,他就继续说:“你什么时候要?”我回答说:“啊,你什么时候方便,我就什么时候要。”于是他就说:“半个月以后,好不好?”如果答话的是他的哥哥,他就说:“我要问问我的兄弟!”

然后,我会含糊地说:“谢谢你,再见吧,格斯拉先生。”他一边说“再见!”,一边继续注视他手里的皮革。我向门口走去的时候,就又听到他趿拉着木皮拖鞋的踢跶声把他送回到楼上做他的靴子梦了。但是假如我要订做的是他还没有替我做过的新式样靴子,那他一定要照手续办事了——叫我脱下靴子,把靴子老拿在手里,以立刻变得又批评又抚爱的眼光注视着靴子,好像在回想他创造这双靴子时所付出的热情,好像在责备我竟这样穿坏了他的杰作。然后,他就把我的脚放在一张纸上,用铅笔在外沿搔上两三次,跟着用他的敏感的手指来回地摸我的脚趾,想摸出我的要求的要点。

有一天,我有机会跟他谈了一件事;我忘不了那一天。我对他说:“格斯拉先生,你晓得吗,上一双在城里散步的靴子咯吱咯吱地响了。”

他看了我一下,没有作声,好像在盼望我撤回或重新考虑我的话;然后他说:

“那双靴子不该咯吱咯吱地响呀。”

“对不起,它响了。”

“你是不是在靴子还经穿的时候把它弄湿了呢?”

“我想没有吧。”

他听了这句话以后,蹙蹙眉头,好像在搜寻对那双靴子的回忆;我提起了这件严重的事情,真觉得难过。

“把靴子送回来!”他说,“我想看一看。”

由于我的咯吱咯吱响的靴子,我内心里涌起了一阵怜悯的感情;我完全可以想像到他埋头细看那双靴子时的历久不停的悲惨心情。

“有些靴子,”他慢慢地说,“做好的时候就是坏的。如果我不能把它修好,就不收你这双靴子的工钱。”

有一次(也只有这一次),我穿着那双因为急需才在一家大公司买的靴子,漫不经心地走进他的店铺。他接受了我的订货,但没拿皮革给我看;我可以意识到他的眼睛在细看我脚上的次等皮革。他最后说:

“那不是我做的靴子。”

他的语调里没有愤怒,也没有悲哀,连鄙视的情绪也没有,不过那里面却隐藏着可以冰冻血液的东西。为了讲究时髦,我左脚上的靴子有一处使人很不舒服;他把手伸下去,用一个手指在那块地方压了一下。

“这里疼痛吧,”他说,“这些大公司真不顾体面。可耻!”跟着,他心里好像有点儿沉不住气了,所以说了一连串的挖苦话。我听到他议论他的职业上的情况和艰难,这是唯一的一次。

“他们把一切垄断去了,”他说,“他们利用广告而不靠工作把一切垄断去了。我们热爱靴子,但是他们抢去了我们的生意。事到如今——我很快就要失业了。生意一年年地清淡下去——过后你会明白的。”我看看他满是褶皱的面孔,看到了我以前未曾注意到的东西:苦涩的心事和惨痛的奋斗——他的红胡子好像突然添上好多花白须毛了!

我尽一切可能向他说明我买这双倒霉靴子时的情况。但是他的面孔和声调使我获得很深刻的印象,结果在随后几分钟里,我订了许多双靴子。这下可糟了!这些靴子比以前的格外经穿。差不多穿了两年,我也没想起要到他那里去一趟。

后来我再去他那里的时候,我很惊奇地发现:他的店铺外边的两个橱窗中的一个漆上另外一个人的名字了——也是个靴匠的名字,当然是为王室服务的啦。往常的那几双靴子已经失去了孤高的气派,挤缩在单独的橱窗里去了。在里面,现在已缩成一小间,店堂的楼梯井口比以前更黑暗、更充满着皮革气味。我也比平时等了更长的时间,才看到一张面孔向下边窥视,随后才有一阵趿拉着木皮拖鞋的踢跶声。最后,他站在我的面前了;他透过那副生了锈的铁架眼镜注视着我说:

“你是不是——先生?”

“啊!格斯拉先生!”我结结巴巴地说:“你要晓得,你的靴子实在太结实了!看,这双还很像样的呢!”我把脚向他伸过去。他看了看这双靴子。

“是的,”他说,“人们好像不需要结实靴子了。”

为了避开他的带责备的眼光和语调,我赶紧接着说:“你的店铺怎么啦?”

他安静地回答说:“开销太大了。你要做靴子吗?”

虽然我只需要两双,我却向他订做了三双;我很快就离开了那里。我有一种难以描述的感觉,以为他的心里把我看成对他存坏意的一分子;也许不一定跟他本人作对,而是跟他的靴子理想作对。我想,人们是不喜欢那样的感觉的;因为过了好几个月以后,我又到他的店铺里去;我记得,我去看他的时候,心里有这样的感觉:“呵!怎么啦,我撇不开这位老人——所以我就去了!也许会看到他的哥哥呢!”

因为我晓得,他哥哥很老实,甚至在暗地里也不致于责备我。

我的心安下了,在店堂出现的正是他的哥哥,他正在整理一张皮革。

“啊,格斯拉先生,”我说,“你好吗?”

他走近我的跟前,盯着我看。

“我过得很好,”他慢慢地说;“但是我哥哥死掉了。”

我这才看出来,我所遇到的原来是他本人——但是多么苍老,多么消瘦啊!我以前从没听他提过他的哥哥。我吃了一惊,所以喃喃地说:“啊!我为你难过!”

“的确,”他回答说,“他是个好人,他会做好靴子;但是他死掉了。”他摸摸头顶,我猜想,他好像要表明他哥哥死的原因;他头上的头发突然变得像他的可怜哥哥的头发一样稀薄了。“他失掉了另外一间铺面,心里老是想不开。你要做靴子吗?”他把手里的皮革举起来说,“这是一张美丽的皮革。”

我订做了几双靴子。过了很久,靴子才送到——但是这几双靴子比以前的更结实,简直穿不坏。不久以后,我到国外去了一趟。

过了一年多,我才又回到伦敦。我所去的第一个店铺就是我的老朋友的店铺。我离去时,他是个六十岁的人,我回来时,他仿佛已经七十五岁了,显得衰老、瘦弱,不断地发抖,这一次,他起先真的不认识我了。

“啊!格斯拉先生,”我说,心里有些烦闷;“你做的靴子好极啦!看,我在国外时差不多一直穿着这双靴子的;连一半也没有穿坏呀,是不是?”

他细看我这双俄国皮靴,看了好久,脸上似乎恢复了镇静的气色。他把手放在我的靴面上说:

“这里还合脚吗?我记得,费了很大劲才把这双靴子做好。”

我向他确切地说明:那双靴子非常合脚。

“你要做靴子吗?”他说,“我很快就可以做好;现在我的生意很清淡。”

我回答说:“劳神,劳神!我急需靴子——每种靴子都要!”

“我可以做时新的式样。你的脚恐怕长大了吧。”他非常迟缓地照我的脚型画了样子,又摸摸我的脚趾,只有一次抬头看着我说:

“我哥哥死掉了,我告诉过你没有?”

他变得衰老极了,看了实在叫人难过;我真高兴离开他。

我对这几双靴子并不存什么指望,但有一天晚上靴子送到了。我打开包裹,把四双靴子排成一排;然后,一双一双地试穿这几双靴子。一点问题也没有。不论在式样或尺寸上,在加工或皮革质量上,这些靴子都是他给我做过的最好的靴子。在那双城里散步穿的靴子口里,我发现了他的帐单。单上所开的价钱与过去的完全一样,但我吓了一跳。他从来没有在四季结账日以前把帐单开来的。我飞快地跑下楼去,填好一张支票,而且马上亲自把支票寄了出去。

一个星期以后,我走过那条小街,我想该进去向他说明,他替我做的新靴子是如何的合脚。但是当我走近他的店铺所在地时,我发现他的姓氏不见了。橱窗里照样陈列着细长的轻跳舞靴、带布口的漆皮靴、以及漆亮的长统马靴。

我走了进去,心里很不舒服。在那两间门面的店堂里——现在两间门面又合而为一了——只有一个长着英国人面貌的年轻人。

“格斯拉先生在店里吗?”我问道。

他诧异地同时讨好地看了我一眼。

“不在,先生,”他说,“不在。但是我们可以很乐意地为你服务。我们已经把这个店铺过户过来了。毫无疑问,你已经看到隔壁门上的名字了吧。我们替上等人做靴子。”

“是的,是的,”我说,“但是格斯拉先生呢?”

“啊!”他回答说,“死掉了!”

“死掉了!但是上星期三我才收到他给我做的靴子呀。”

“啊!”他说,“真是怪事。可怜的老头儿是饿死的。”

“慈悲的上帝啊!”

“慢性饥饿,医生这样说的!你要晓得,他是这样去做活的!他想把店铺撑下去;但是除了自己以外,他不让任何人碰他的靴子。他接了一份订货后,要费好长时间去做它。顾客可不愿等待呀。结果,他失去了所有的顾客。他老坐在那里,只管做呀做呀——我愿意代他说这句话——在伦敦,没有一个人可以比他做出更好的靴子!但是也得看看同业竞争呀!他从不登广告!他肯用最好的皮革,而且还要亲自做。好啦,这就是他的下场。照他的想法,你对他能有什么指望呢?”

“但是饿死——”

“这样说,也许有点儿夸张——但是我自己知道,他从早到晚坐在那里做靴子,一直做到最后的时刻。你知道,我往往在旁边看着他。从不让自己有吃饭的时间;店里从来不存一个便士。所有的钱都用在房租和皮革上了。他怎么能活得这么久,我也莫名其妙。他经常断炊。他是个怪人。但是他做了顶好的靴子。”

“是的,”我说,“他做了顶好的靴子。”

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发表于 2008-9-21 11:00:00 | 显示全部楼层
赞助点零头,表示支持。这种活动属于翻译比读性质,很挑战!

附言:
兄希望它开展得比较好,应该有两个很可对比的版本和原文。

现在这种情形可能响应者少(“译文点评”,对点评者的素质要求本身就不低):一来你帖出的文字“略有修改”,不知道出自何人手笔,修改人是否具有可资评判的高度(学理上的合法性);如果是你个人兴趣,大可戏言“欢迎拍转,转头费1元1块(呵呵)?
二来,没有原文的话,就成了单纯的语感训练,心思敏捷不说,“语感”这种东西特别难有定说,你会陷入打分困难的尴尬(我猜,为了保护参与积极性,你必须对单纯冲分来的也要说“谢谢参与”并给分,那么,与你想听到的有意义的意见必然有距离,反馈的信息若总结起来也必然良莠不齐;但愿我是“小人之心”)。

如果从正面解释,若兄般强调两个版本之间的年限(57版VS现代版?),是要把定位导向语言在时代变迁中的细腻?还是要表现两个版本的语言素质差别或匠心的独到?又或者导向译者心态方面的区别?兄在设计活动方面想来有所思考吧。

另外,如果本版斑竹看到,我希望提个面向未来的建议:如此项活动一般,属于“读书”和“外语”联动性的节目,还望继续保持并加强两个版块之间的沟通;譬如,如果两个版块协作,学士们、高人们出手,来个翻译接龙也会很有趣的(开句玩笑,“学士”不是“教授”职称哦,应该不是终身制呀,该出手时就出手;很多神龙的身影,似乎显现的时间有些时日了)。

虽然本无私心,但也要说声:冒犯冒犯!得罪得罪!
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发表于 2008-9-21 11:05:31 | 显示全部楼层
附上原文:
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/g/galsworthy/john/inn/chapter2.html

Quality

I knew him from the days of my extreme youth, because he made my father’s boots; inhabiting with his elder brother two little shops let into one, in a small by-street-now no more, but then most fashionably placed in the West End.

That tenement had a certain quiet distinction; there was no sign upon its face that he made for any of the Royal Family—merely his own German name of Gessler Brothers; and in the window a few pairs of boots. I remember that it always troubled me to account for those unvarying boots in the window, for he made only what was ordered, reaching nothing down, and it seemed so inconceivable that what he made could ever have failed to fit. Had he bought them to put there? That, too, seemed inconceivable. He would never have tolerated in his house leather on which he had not worked himself. Besides, they were too beautiful—the pair of pumps, so inexpressibly slim, the patent leathers with cloth tops, making water come into one’s mouth, the tall brown riding boots with marvellous sooty glow, as if, though new, they had been worn a hundred years. Those pairs could only have been made by one who saw before him the Soul of Boot—so truly were they prototypes incarnating the very spirit of all foot-gear. These thoughts, of course, came to me later, though even when I was promoted to him, at the age of perhaps fourteen, some inkling haunted me of the dignity of himself and brother. For to make boots—such boots as he made—seemed to me then, and still seems to me, mysterious and wonderful.

I remember well my shy remark, one day, while stretching out to him my youthful foot:

“Isn’t it awfully hard to do, Mr. Gessler?”

And his answer, given with a sudden smile from out of the sardonic redness of his beard: “Id is an Ardt!”

Himself, he was a little as if made from leather, with his yellow crinkly face, and crinkly reddish hair and beard; and neat folds slanting down his cheeks to the corners of his mouth, and his guttural and one-toned voice; for leather is a sardonic substance, and stiff and slow of purpose. And that was the character of his face, save that his eyes, which were grey-blue, had in them the simple gravity of one secretly possessed by the Ideal. His elder brother was so very like him—though watery, paler in every way, with a great industry—that sometimes in early days I was not quite sure of him until the interview was over. Then I knew that it was he, if the words, “I will ask my brudder,” had not been spoken; and that, if they had, it was his elder brother.

When one grew old and wild and ran up bills, one somehow never ran them up with Gessler Brothers. It would not have seemed becoming to go in there and stretch out one’s foot to that blue iron-spectacled glance, owing him for more than—say—two pairs, just the comfortable reassurance that one was still his client.

For it was not possible to go to him very often—his boots lasted terribly, having something beyond the temporary—some, as it were, essence of boot stitched into them.

One went in, not as into most shops, in the mood of: “Please serve me, and let me go!” but restfully, as one enters a church; and, sitting on the single wooden chair, waited—for there was never anybody there. Soon, over the top edge of that sort of well—rather dark, and smelling soothingly of leather—which formed the shop, there would be seen his face, or that of his elder brother, peering down. A guttural sound, and the tip-tap of bast slippers beating the narrow wooden stairs, and he would stand before one without coat, a little bent, in leather apron, with sleeves turned back, blinking—as if awakened from some dream of boots, or like an owl surprised in daylight and annoyed at this interruption.

And I would say: “How do you do, Mr. Gessler? Could you make me a pair of Russia leather boots?”

Without a word he would leave me, retiring whence he came, or into the other portion of the shop, and I would, continue to rest in the wooden chair, inhaling the incense of his trade. Soon he would come back, holding in his thin, veined hand a piece of gold-brown leather. With eyes fixed on it, he would remark: “What a beaudiful biece!” When I, too, had admired it, he would speak again. “When do you wand dem?” And I would answer: “Oh! As soon as you conveniently can.” And he would say: “To-morrow fordnighd?” Or if he were his elder brother: “I will ask my brudder!”

Then I would murmur: “Thank you! Good-morning, Mr. Gessler.” “Goot-morning!” he would reply, still looking at the leather in his hand. And as I moved to the door, I would hear the tip-tap of his bast slippers restoring him, up the stairs, to his dream of boots. But if it were some new kind of foot-gear that he had not yet made me, then indeed he would observe ceremony—divesting me of my boot and holding it long in his hand, looking at it with eyes at once critical and loving, as if recalling the glow with which he had created it, and rebuking the way in which one had disorganized this masterpiece. Then, placing my foot on a piece of paper, he would two or three times tickle the outer edges with a pencil and pass his nervous fingers over my toes, feeling himself into the heart of my requirements.

I cannot forget that day on which I had occasion to say to him; “Mr. Gessler, that last pair of town walking-boots creaked, you know.”

He looked at me for a time without replying, as if expecting me to withdraw or qualify the statement, then said:

“Id shouldn’d ‘ave greaked.”

“It did, I’m afraid.”

“You goddem wed before dey found demselves?”

“I don’t think so.”

At that he lowered his eyes, as if hunting for memory of those boots, and I felt sorry I had mentioned this grave thing.

“Zend dem back!” he said; “I will look at dem.”

A feeling of compassion for my creaking boots surged up in me, so well could I imagine the sorrowful long curiosity of regard which he would bend on them.

“Zome boods,” he said slowly, “are bad from birdt. If I can do noding wid dem, I dake dem off your bill.”

Once (once only) I went absent-mindedly into his shop in a pair of boots bought in an emergency at some large firm’s. He took my order without showing me any leather, and I could feel his eyes penetrating the inferior integument of my foot. At last he said:

“Dose are nod my boods.”

The tone was not one of anger, nor of sorrow, not even of contempt, but there was in it something quiet that froze the blood. He put his hand down and pressed a finger on the place where the left boot, endeavouring to be fashionable, was not quite comfortable.

“Id ‘urds you dere,”, he said. “Dose big virms ‘ave no self-respect. Drash!” And then, as if something had given way within him, he spoke long and bitterly. It was the only time I ever heard him discuss the conditions and hardships of his trade.

“Dey get id all,” he said, “dey get id by adverdisement, nod by work. Dey dake it away from us, who lofe our boods. Id gomes to this—bresently I haf no work. Every year id gets less you will see.” And looking at his lined face I saw things I had never noticed before, bitter things and bitter struggle—and what a lot of grey hairs there seemed suddenly in his red beard!

As best I could, I explained the circumstances of the purchase of those ill-omened boots. But his face and voice made so deep impression that during the next few minutes I ordered many pairs. Nemesis fell! They lasted more terribly than ever. And I was not able conscientiously to go to him for nearly two years.

When at last I went I was surprised to find that outside one of the two little windows of his shop another name was painted, also that of a bootmaker-making, of course, for the Royal Family. The old familiar boots, no longer in dignified isolation, were huddled in the single window. Inside, the now contracted well of the one little shop was more scented and darker than ever. And it was longer than usual, too, before a face peered down, and the tip-tap of the bast slippers began. At last he stood before me, and, gazing through those rusty iron spectacles, said:

“Mr.——-, isn’d it?”

“Ah! Mr. Gessler,” I stammered, “but your boots are really too good, you know! See, these are quite decent still!” And I stretched out to him my foot. He looked at it.

“Yes,” he said, “beople do nod wand good hoods, id seems.”

To get away from his reproachful eyes and voice I hastily remarked: “What have you done to your shop?”

He answered quietly: “Id was too exbensif. Do you wand some boods?”

I ordered three pairs, though I had only wanted two, and quickly left. I had, I do not know quite what feeling of being part, in his mind, of a conspiracy against him; or not perhaps so much against him as against his idea of boot. One does not, I suppose, care to feel like that; for it was again many months before my next visit to his shop, paid, I remember, with the feeling: “Oh! well, I can’t leave the old boy—so here goes! Perhaps it’ll be his elder brother!”

For his elder brother, I knew, had not character enough to reproach me, even dumbly.

And, to my relief, in the shop there did appear to be his elder brother, handling a piece of leather.

“Well, Mr. Gessler,” I said, “how are you?”

He came close, and peered at me.

“I am breddy well,” he said slowly “but my elder brudder is dead.”

And I saw that it was indeed himself—but how aged and wan! And never before had I heard him mention his brother. Much shocked; I murmured: “Oh! I am sorry!”

“Yes,” he answered, “he was a good man, he made a good bood; but he is dead.” And he touched the top of his head, where the hair had suddenly gone as thin as it had been on that of his poor brother, to indicate, I suppose, the cause of death. “He could nod ged over losing de oder shop. Do you wand any hoods?” And he held up the leather in his hand: “Id’s a beaudiful biece.”

I ordered several pairs. It was very long before they came—but they were better than ever. One simply could not wear them out. And soon after that I went abroad.

It was over a year before I was again in London. And the first shop I went to was my old friend’s. I had left a man of sixty, I came back to one of seventy-five, pinched and worn and tremulous, who genuinely, this time, did not at first know me.

“Oh! Mr. Gessler,” I said, sick at heart; “how splendid your boots are! See, I’ve been wearing this pair nearly all the time I’ve been abroad; and they’re not half worn out, are they?”

He looked long at my boots—a pair of Russia leather, and his face seemed to regain steadiness. Putting his hand on my instep, he said:

“Do dey vid you here? I ‘ad drouble wid dat bair, I remember.”

I assured him that they had fitted beautifully.

“Do you wand any boods?” he said. “I can make dem quickly; id is a slack dime.”

I answered: “Please, please! I want boots all round—every kind!”

“I will make a vresh model. Your food must be bigger.” And with utter slowness, he traced round my foot, and felt my toes, only once looking up to say:

“Did I dell you my brudder was dead?”

To watch him was painful, so feeble had he grown; I was glad to get away.

I had given those boots up, when one evening they came. Opening the parcel, I set the four pairs out in a row. Then one by one I tried them on. There was no doubt about it. In shape and fit, in finish and quality of leather, they were the best he had ever made me. And in the mouth of one of the Town walking-boots I found his bill.

The amount was the same as usual, but it gave me quite a shock. He had never before sent it in till quarter day. I flew down-stairs, and wrote a cheque, and posted it at once with my own hand.

A week later, passing the little street, I thought I would go in and tell him how splendidly the new boots fitted. But when I came to where his shop had been, his name was gone. Still there, in the window, were the slim pumps, the patent leathers with cloth tops, the sooty riding boots.

I went in, very much disturbed. In the two little shops—again made into one—was a young man with an English face.

“Mr. Gessler in?” I said.

He gave me a strange, ingratiating look.

“No, sir,” he said, “no. But we can attend to anything with pleasure. We’ve taken the shop over. You’ve seen our name, no doubt, next door. We make for some very good people.”

“Yes, Yes,” I said; “but Mr. Gessler?”

“Oh!” he answered; “dead.”

“Dead! But I only received these boots from him last Wednesday week.”

“Ah!” he said; “a shockin’ go. Poor old man starved ‘imself.”

“Good God!”

“Slow starvation, the doctor called it! You see he went to work in such a way! Would keep the shop on; wouldn’t have a soul touch his boots except himself. When he got an order, it took him such a time. People won’t wait. He lost everybody. And there he’d sit, goin’ on and on—I will say that for him not a man in London made a better boot! But look at the competition! He never advertised! Would ‘ave the best leather, too, and do it all ‘imself. Well, there it is. What could you expect with his ideas?”

“But starvation——!”

“That may be a bit flowery, as the sayin’ is—but I know myself he was sittin’ over his boots day and night, to the very last. You see I used to watch him. Never gave ‘imself time to eat; never had a penny in the house. All went in rent and leather. How he lived so long I don’t know. He regular let his fire go out. He was a character. But he made good boots.”

“Yes,” I said, “he made good boots.”

And I turned and went out quickly, for I did not want that youth to know that I could hardly see.
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发表于 2008-9-21 11:59:05 | 显示全部楼层
原文中,最后一句
“And I turned and went out quickly, for I did not want that youth to know that I could hardly see.”
在楼主给出的译文中没有给出相应的译文,不知是为何?
原以为可能是这片原文的来源可能不太确切,但在这本书
“the art of narration
By Mary Ellen Chase, Frances K. del Plaine
Published by Kessinger Publishing, 2005
ISBN 1419118706, 9781419118708
512 pages”
中也有引用这篇小说,文中最后也有这么一句。参见该书第435页。
这是google books的链接。
http://books.google.com/books?id ... nd+went+out+quickly,+for+I+did+not+want+that+youth+to+know+that+I+could+hardly+see.&source=web&ots=BbTtjQym8H&sig=8Mh5OQiraSJCvAswArFBaQam1_Q&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=2&ct=result)

如果原文确有这么一句话,为什么译者未将其译出呢?这句话又该怎么译呢?尤其是“for I did not want that youth to know that I could hardly see.” 这是什么意思呢?是说“我视力不好”还是“泪水模糊了双眼呢?”
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-21 12:11:38 | 显示全部楼层
多谢oriexm兄热心支持!我参照的文字版和扫描版都没有这一句话,私心以为这是译者的刀斧之功 (损?),去掉这一句更有力量,更符合中国人的审美观吧。个人也感觉外国一些短篇杰作不乏叙述者的蛇足。前已声明,参考译文可能有的问题概不负责。^_^

至于"I could hardly see",感觉作者是指“泪眼朦胧”。可能沈先生也拿不准就先放下,结果放忘了。

多谢爱哭兄厚赐!不过您看了后面的可能会觉得给太多了,不妨酌量扣回。

多谢cicerocicero兄慷慨赞助及精彩点评!“略有修改”一句没有主语,默认就是俺了。俺虽然对语言文字啥的较有兴趣,但毕竟不是专业从事,所以出发点和兄的想法可能略有不同……

一直以来,我对网上盛行的“精校”文本版颇有微词,觉得它们错讹百出,无法细读,实在当不起这两个字,所以很早就转投扫描版的怀抱,恐怕这也是很多PDG lovers的心声吧。不过文本版毕竟有它无可取代的优势,比如可复制搜索、容易排版修饰、节省存储空间等等,所以对于确实“精校”而又“精排”的作品,我还是更欢迎文本版的。

我概念里的“文本版”主要分两种:

1. HTML、chm、txt之类的“纯”文本版。它们编辑方便,随处可读,HTML+CSS+JavaScript的结构虽然灵活,但显示效果目前仍然不无遗憾。
2. PDF。它提供了精确的版面控制,跨平台显示的统一效果,内嵌字体兼以美轮美奂的矢量缩放,让一个好的PDF文档不仅看上去更有书味,操作起来也非常方便。

其它如Word文档不在此列。我对djvu的理解是小波编码、支持文本层的标量图格式,无法内嵌字体,主要作为体积更小、缩放效果更好的扫描版PDF的替代品使用,不知可有偏差?

昨天我突然想起这篇小说,接着联系到毒牛奶事件,于是怀着一点点上面的想法,完成了这里的主题帖。主要的出发点之一,当然是应景兼励志喽;之二,我也来校一篇文章让大家挑错,别字、不当的标点均可,免得有眼高手低之嫌;之三,鼓励静心细读——这在人心浮躁、乱花迷眼的今天尤为难得——并不惜自出血本支持 (当然也有自负校对质量的意思);之四,试验一下XeTeX使用一些宏包的效果,看看这样排出来的PDF是否漂亮。

其实真没有想过cicerocicero兄提出的“翻译比读”问题。也许是按语中3次出现的“57版”的误导吧,不过我能下到的也只有这个版本,人文新出的一个PP的蓝黄皮纸本我也买过,不在手边。作为参考的文本版和扫描版择优而从之,另外有些念着都不对味的地方,就“根据原著略作修改”,不乏屑屑,略举几处:

1. “他好像把靴子的精华缝到靴子里去了”,将原译中“本质”改为“精华”。当时想的是,第一节里有“这些靴子体现了各种靴子的本质”,尚为理顺,在这里如果说靴子里缺乏靴子的“本质”,似乎不妥,就把"essence"改译为“精华”。当时也考虑了“灵魂”的,感觉有超越之嫌,刚才看到oriexm兄给出的原文,发现第一节译为“本质”的原词是"spirit",也许那里直译为“精神”、“灵魂”更贴合作者本义,用如“XXX的活的灵魂”。幸好已有先见,此类概不负责。
2. “看到了我以前未曾注意到的东西:苦涩的心事和惨痛的奋斗”,原译为“看到了我以前未曾注意到的东西:惨痛的东西和惨痛的奋斗”,两个“东西”和两个“惨痛”不能不引起我的怀疑,一查原文,写的是"I saw things I had never noticed before, bitter things and bitter struggle"。于是根据上下文作了最小的改动:"bitter"译为“苦涩的”以避免重复 (原句结构没有考虑保留,只想读起来比原译略好),后一个"things"改为“心事”,用如"many things on my mind"。
3. “不过那里面却隐藏着可以冰冻血液的东西”,原译作“不过那里面却隐藏着可以冰冻血液的潜在因素”,查原文为"but there was in it something quiet that froze the blood"。原句简洁,译文仍从。

译事难工,我只是按自己的理解改得稍顺一些,担心弄巧成拙,又加上了“或者明显不如57版”的奖励标准。

说明于此,以正视听。
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-24 15:56:27 | 显示全部楼层
依荷听雨兄 (是不是该叫“叔叔”,汗),您实在太慷慨了,可惜俺这个“活动”应者寥寥。我贴出前先从字面上校了一遍,又按照顺畅与否校了一遍,未必没有漏网之鱼。现在只有把财富值保持在140以上,以免尴尬的事情发生,以后再想点像模像样的活动出来。
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发表于 2008-9-24 17:33:59 | 显示全部楼层
“Id is an Ardt!”

要是不看译文,兴许我会理解成"不难"(It isn't hard!)的。不过,作者不正是在用格斯拉先生的口音来造成这样的效果吗?It is an Art! --艺术, indeed.
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-24 19:46:19 | 显示全部楼层
引用第6楼liumx2000于2008-09-24 17:33发表的 :
“Id is an Ardt!”

要是不看译文,兴许我会理解成"不难"(It isn't hard!)的。不过,作者不正是在用格斯拉先生的口音来造成这样的效果吗?It is an Art! --艺术, indeed.
这么说也有道理,不过我感觉您超越了作者的原意,保不准哪天高佬托梦给您说“谬赞”。德国人再大舌头,要达到听起来像"It isn't hard!"的效果,需要:

1. 辅音"n"发得长而诡异,造成中间有连续两个辅音,"t"和"h",的错觉。
2. 重音不放在"Ardt!"上,而放在"is an"上。

与其说故意要达到这样的效果,不如说这是留给有心的读者的文字游戏。

沈先生把"art"译为“手艺”,当然不无曲解之嫌,但我们可以从中窥见老人谦卑背后的自尊,感觉比自鸣得意的“艺术”更为含蓄,更符合中国人的审美观。
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发表于 2008-9-24 21:29:23 | 显示全部楼层
格拉斯兄弟是为了活着而做靴子吗?
我想不是的,他们是为了做靴子而活着。
每一双靴子,都是格拉斯兄弟创造的过程,凝聚了他们的生命。

每天吃着快速生产的食物,穿着快速生产衣物,每天快速的移动,快速的赚钱,是为了快速的度过这一生吗?
还不如慢慢地用生命去做一双靴子,然后死掉。
哈哈,工科水平就不校对了。
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-24 22:34:56 | 显示全部楼层
有一篇关于时间的美妙而奇特的童话,《时间之谜》(《毛毛》),也许每个成人都应该看看。它也不是鼓励拼命干活的哈。再次上传于此:

http://www.namipan.com/d/ce36941 ... 60eab13b8cc578f9400

这个版本印刷、校对都很次,幸好难掩内容的佳色。国内也出了同一译者的新版。
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4545 该用户已被删除
发表于 2008-9-24 23:30:19 | 显示全部楼层
楼主校对得很到位,高手呀,我通校过一遍,没发现什么错字,只有一点,根据现代汉语第五版,红皮的那个,不致于应该是不至于吧

另几处英文的考证:

***译文:那双带布口的漆皮靴,叫人看了舍不得离开
原文:the patent leathers with cloth tops, making water come into one’s mouth
======
come into mouth一说未从GOOGLE找到,出处存疑


***译文:“是的,”他说,“人们好像不需要结实靴子了。”
为了避开他的带责备的眼光和语调,我赶紧接着说:“你的店铺怎么啦?”
他安静地回答说:“开销太大了。你要做靴子吗?”
原文:“Yes,” he said, “beople do nod wand good hoods, id seems.”
To get away from his reproachful eyes and voice I hastily remarked:
“What have you done to your shop?”
He answered quietly: “Id was too exbensif. Do you wand some boods?”
======
第一句是hoods,最后一句是boods,当通boots,主人翁"喉音很重",D与T不分,则第一句HOODS应为错.


***Russia leather boots沈译似应改,俄国皮靴,宜译成长统靴.
town walking boots"散步的靴子"宜译成步行靴
注:
长统靴 ( 長統靴 ) cháng tǒng xuē
[Russian boot] 脚和腿的覆盖物,通常用皮革或橡胶制成,高度从脚踝到臀部不等
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-25 00:17:24 | 显示全部楼层
引用第10楼4545于2008-09-24 23:30发表的 :
楼主校对得很到位,高手呀,我通校过一遍,没发现什么错字,只有一点,根据现代汉语第五版,红皮的那个,不致于应该是不至于吧
.......
4545兄观察真细致,有您这样的读者也是作者之幸。

原文写的是“至于”,我擅改成了“致于”。按我的理解,前者指的是“到了多高的程度”,后者指的是“因为到了这么高的程度而导致什么(不好的)后果”。不过在实用中前者也常用来表示后面的意思,算是一个引申,比如《现代汉语词典》举的“不至于不来”一例。又不过个人还是偏爱本色演出,就这么改了。第7节里的“以致于赊账”亦同。

我从这里 (http://manybooks.net/titles/galswortetext01qualt11.html) 找到的英文版里有"come into one’s mouth"一语。这个版本写的也是"hoods"。不过它并非影印版,算不上权威。

至于两种靴子的译法,个人还是倾向于沈译。Russia leather boots译为“俄国皮靴”,一者字字有着落,二来也传达了“穿洋货”这么一个概念。这就不是字典里刚好合适的“长统靴”可以表现的了。它也让我想起《人性的证明》里的“意大利草帽”(江苏人民出版社,王智新译)。"Town walking boots"原文译为“在城里散步的靴子”确实冗长,但“步行靴”又感觉有点生硬,我觉得“散步的靴子”还算符合汉语口语的表达习惯,隐含一个“穿”字,用如“出门的衣服”,“领奖的西服”;“便鞋”听起来更好,苦于缺少“靴”的概念,“便靴”又没这么一说。

以上不知当否?非常感谢您的意见!
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发表于 2008-9-25 02:35:21 | 显示全部楼层
引用第5楼wdscxsj于2008-09-24 15:56发表的 :
依荷听雨兄 (是不是该叫“叔叔”,汗),您实在太慷慨了,可惜俺这个“活动”应者寥寥。我贴出前先从字面上校了一遍,又按照顺畅与否校了一遍,未必没有漏网之鱼。现在只有把财富值保持在140以上,以免尴尬的事情发生,以后再想点像模像样的活动出来。

乐坏我了
网络上不在乎性别年龄,有缘认识就道一声兄,如不习惯就直接用ID称呼。

不管做什么,只要对自己对看帖者有益,不用考虑其它因素。我想我们选择论坛主要还是找知音畅谈,在往复交流中提升自我。

我一直关注认真读书认真交流的书友,读书互助基金的资金也等着这样的主人。相信这帖是一个良好的开始,慢慢会好的。
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发表于 2008-9-25 10:40:43 | 显示全部楼层
wdscxsj ,再次祝你活动成功。有斑竹鼓舞为伴,有听雨这个好人为后盾,成功可期。
虽然不同于兄的想法,但一时技痒,率尔操刀,供兄一笑(时间不够,“仅取一瓢饮”)。为方便阅读,我不加篡改,不过联立排列如下:

原文(依oriexm兄2楼之提供):
That tenement had a certain quiet distinction; there was no sign upon its face that he made for any of the Royal Family—merely his own German name of Gessler Brothers; and in the window a few pairs of boots. I remember that it always troubled me to account for those unvarying boots in the window, for he made only what was ordered, reaching nothing down, and it seemed so inconceivable that what he made could ever have failed to fit. Had he bought them to put there? That, too, seemed inconceivable. He would never have tolerated in his house leather on which he had not worked himself. Besides, they were too beautiful—the pair of pumps, so inexpressibly slim, the patent leathers with cloth tops, making water come into one’s mouth, the tall brown riding boots with marvellous sooty glow, as if, though new, they had been worn a hundred years. Those pairs could only have been made by one who saw before him the Soul of Boot—so truly were they prototypes incarnating the very spirit of all foot-gear. These thoughts, of course, came to me later, though even when I was promoted to him, at the age of perhaps fourteen, some inkling haunted me of the dignity of himself and brother. For to make boots—such boots as he made—seemed to me then, and still seems to me, mysterious and wonderful.

沈先生译文(依据兄1楼之提供)
那座店房有某种朴素安静的特色;门面上没有注明任何为王室服务的标记,只有包含他自己日耳曼姓氏的“格斯拉兄弟”的招牌;橱窗里陈列着几双靴子。我还记得,要想说明橱窗里那些靴子为什么老不更换,我总觉得很为难,因为他只承做订货,并不出售现成靴子;要说那些都是他做得不合脚因而被退回来的靴子,那似乎是不可想像的。是不是他买了那些靴子来做摆设的呢?这好像也不可思议。把那些不是亲手做的皮靴陈列在自己的店里,他是决不能容忍的。而且,那几双靴子太美观了——有一双轻跳舞靴,细长到非言语所能形容的地步;那双带布口的漆皮靴,叫人看了舍不得离开;还有那双褐色长统马靴,闪着怪异的黑而亮的光辉,虽然是簇新的,看来好像已经经历过一百年了。只有亲眼看过靴子灵魂的人才能做出那样的靴子——这些靴子体现了各种靴子的本质,确实是模范品。我当然在后来才有这种想法,不过,在我大约十四岁那年,我够格去跟他订做成年人靴子的时候,对他们两兄弟的品格就有了些模糊的印象。因为从那时起一直到现在,我总觉得,做靴子,特别是做像他所做的靴子,简直是神妙的手艺。

我对此段的理解:
此段中,作者心态应该是现在与过去视野融合。起句三个并列,略似意识流,看似无序,但第三个实为后文起笔。接下去是自己的若干猜测,所谓“欲擒故纵”手法也,在女儿心态中(作者男性,视角应该为女子,我以为),由对鞋的欣赏过渡到对人的欣赏,尾句是升华(我有心自己觉翻译,动力正来自于不满意最后一个词——“手艺”;它分明是跳出来说一种抽象的品质啊——与兄之由奶粉事件而要读此文的想法类似——刚出过“品质”,又转回“手艺”,作者也许因为对全文欲扬先抑的风格体会得太深刻,压抑得太厉害了吧?)。

译者苦处,难为外人道也。如何能知,自己体验为上。本此,有自己的译文:
那间租来的店面有着种平和的韵致;门面上的店招,没有什么为王室服务的标记——仅仅包括属于自己的“格拉斯兄弟”这个日耳曼姓氏;橱窗里摆着几双靴子。记得自己老想不通:除了订做,他不接别的生意,况且他做的靴子也不可能不合脚,可为什么那些靴子总不变地陈列在那儿?是他买来放那儿的?不可思议:把没有亲自过手的靴子放在店里,他绝对无法容忍。而且,那些靴子太美了——那双轻舞靴,秀颀得难以比拟;那双布口漆皮靴,简直让人艳羡;那双高帮棕色马靴,散发着神奇的乌光,那么新,却似乎已经穿过了上百年。或许只有亲眼目睹过“靴神”的人才能做得出它来——简直浓缩了鞋具精髓的典范。这些想法,当然了,是后来才有的,不过,在我够格和他打交道的时候——那是十四岁吧——他们兄弟俩气质的就让我若有所动并为之着迷。因为,做靴子——做他那种靴子——在当时的我看来,在今天的我看来,都是一件神秘而曼妙的事。

细节的改变赘笔不叙。欢迎拍砖。:-)
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4545 该用户已被删除
发表于 2008-9-25 12:47:47 | 显示全部楼层
wdscxsj 兄态度严谨,实是求学之风.
以致,以致于,是现汉新版所改,只作参考,况沈译年久,当保原作风采.
至于靴子的译法,适时适地的"信""达"即可,并无严格标准,可以讨论,呵呵


PS楼上不仅"坐而论道",还"起而行"了,呵呵
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-25 20:19:33 | 显示全部楼层
多谢cicerocicero兄捧场!本来没打算给施主评分的,怕显得不敬。但没有您的鼓励和建议,这个“活动”会不会转型还很难说,没有您注入第一桶金,使得招商引资顺利开展,以我个人的财力和小气肯定是无法引来更多朋友光顾的。所以就如同回馈源头的活水,评分从此一视同仁。

您“对此段的理解”分析入微,让我这个工科生有点无言以对,不如藏拙。您说“视角应该为女子”,这个有点奇怪,文中明明有老靴匠问“我”的话,“你是不是——先生?”,怎么会是女先生呢?还是我对您的表达断章取义了?您说“作者(译者?)也许因为对全文欲扬先抑的风格体会得太深刻,压抑得太厉害了”,这点我是完全同意的,感觉它是传统特色,个人也比较欣赏这种风格。

我觉得,您的译文在局部的处理上屡有胜场,但整体感觉不如沈译。可能的原因之一是过于注重用词的精准和雅致,忽略了全局上风格的统一和鲜明。就好像李世石酷爱局部最优解,步步用强,还是屡屡难逃注重均衡、大局观更好的石佛的魔掌(俺不懂围棋,道听途说的)。沈译从容舒缓而又绘声绘影,体现了译者深厚的文字功力,读起来有点《射雕》里“亭中放著竹台竹椅,全是多年之物,用得润了,月光下现出淡淡黄光”一句的感觉。相形之下,您的译文显得精致而易碎,让我想起说古代谁谁“有佳句而无佳篇”的话。原因之二应该是您太忠于原著,甚至一些结构也沿用之,放不开手脚。我的想法是,作者用英文写作,照顾的当然是英文表达习惯,可以说是用英文传达原意的“最强手”;作为中译者,为了中文读者能够较好地感知原著精义,当然应该照顾中文表达习惯,尽力在不改变原意的同时祭出中文“最强手”,而不能让原文掣肘;最好的例子是英文的很多妙语平移到中文里往往就索然无味了,反之亦然。

应邀拍砖,不疼不疼啊。

4545兄,“以致于”是我根据自己的理解改的,经您一说才去翻了《现代汉语词典》,也不是新版的。我喜欢抠一个字的本义,总觉得这样用才“地道”,您说的“新版所改”,我想正体现了传统文化的回归,好事啊。我对原译的改动大多是逐字的,相信做到了“尽量保持沈译特色”,如非必要就不改回去了,无效劳动很悲哀的。

多谢各位参与,欢迎言无不尽!
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发表于 2008-9-25 22:09:42 | 显示全部楼层
引用第9楼wdscxsj于2008-09-24 22:34发表的 :
有一篇关于时间的美妙而奇特的童话,《时间之谜》(《毛毛》),也许每个成人都应该看看。它也不是鼓励拼命干活的哈。再次上传于此:

http://exs.mail.foxmail.com/cgi-bin/downloadfilepart/svrid4/时间之谜.pdf?svrid=4&fid=18f8c17f54fee2c8a5af311a3de00107b734d9b7d334146b&&txf_fid=&&txf_sid=
(提取码:f93f7f49)

.......
该文件已达到200次的下载限制,您已不能下载该文件。
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-25 22:30:38 | 显示全部楼层
引用第16楼woi55于2008-09-25 22:09发表的 :

该文件已达到200次的下载限制,您已不能下载该文件。
谢谢反馈,上面也已更新:

http://www.namipan.com/d/ce36941 ... 60eab13b8cc578f9400
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发表于 2008-9-26 00:03:07 | 显示全部楼层
但是在那时,它却是坐落在伦敦西区的一条新式街道。
——“坐落”一词,用于建筑物。街道不能坐落,一般用“位于”。
用铅笔在外沿搔上两三次,——“搔”是用指甲挠。
“这里疼痛吧,”他说,——“疼痛吧”后面用问号好些。

  文章译得淡而涩,有很多外文的句式。我的英语不好,不知翻译得是否“信”,从晦涩的长句上来看是做到了。但“达”与“雅”却没能体现出来。
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-9-26 00:30:48 | 显示全部楼层
引用第18楼ljctt于2008-09-26 00:03发表的 :
但是在那时,它却是坐落在伦敦西区的一条新式街道。
——“坐落”一词,用于建筑物。街道不能坐落,一般用“位于”。
用铅笔在外沿搔上两三次,——“搔”是用指甲挠。
“这里疼痛吧,”他说,——“疼痛吧”后面用问号好些。

.......
谢谢您的参与!

“坐落”确实不妥,无可辩驳。

个人认为,“搔”用得是妥当的,形象地传达了那种“轻挠”的感觉,这是比较常见的带比喻的用法。“疼痛吧”不用问号,平淡的语气里透出了老靴匠的自信,就像在陈述事实一样,也是比较常见的标点法。

各人理解当然不同,我读沈译更多感受到的还是诗一般的韵味。当然,译作和中文原创的佳作肯定是有差距的,所谓“戴着枷锁跳舞”;这也让我想起了Steven Jobs在2007年4月的MacWorld上,炫耀iPhone里的Safari效果之好的话:

"Is it not incredible? -- Safari. You know, if you ever used what's called a Web browser on a mobile phone, you'll know how incredible this is. I hope you never really know."
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