Friends中英文对照剧本

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101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., \"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren.\" was what? A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.

Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe.
Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
(Monica goes to change.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Yeah?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Joey: Which goes where?
Chandler: I have no idea.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Chandler: All finished!
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Ross: You guys.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Joey: You got screwed.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Monica: -leg?
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.  You, however have had the love of a woman for four years.  Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) \"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy...\"
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress?  Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table.  Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? \"Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?\" Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee!  You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Rachel: Sorry-
Ross: No no no, go-
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss?  More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
End
  101 试播


没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！
少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！
打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？
慢着，他吃粉笔吗？


我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。
各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。
听起来好像是说我的约会。

记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。
我做过那样的梦。
我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那儿。
而不是……？
没错。
我没做过那样的梦,没有。


那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么办，每个人都开始望着我。
他们以前不看你吗？！
终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！
嗨。
这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。
你还好吧？
我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上……
饼干？
卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。
- 我帮你泡杯咖啡，
谢了。
不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……别碰我的灵气就是了。
好吧，保持晦气！
我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。
- 不，你不会的，没错，
- 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！
而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。
没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。

有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大声说出来了吗？
昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。
真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉，“我不能抱孙子了，
我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么？打错了？
对不起。
别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我一肚子火,心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道吗？
脱衣舞酒店。你单身，有性需求。
我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。


我只想要一百万！
- 瑞秋？！
- 天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这儿。

想来杯咖啡吗？
无咖啡因的。各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒，菲比，乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？
当然。
嗨。


你想现在告诉我们，还是等伴娘来再说？
婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间……
有没有代糖？我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了一跳，
巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之,我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个人。


好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。
这件事就甭提啦。


我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢，
金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！
我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。
爸，我不能嫁给他……对不起，我只是不爱他。对，是我的问题！


如果我没了头发，
还不如去死。
她不该穿那条裤子。
我建议推她下楼，
推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！

爸，你听我说……大家这样评价我这一辈子：你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢？
或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。我说我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。
你看他也有些问题。
爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿。
我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。
或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。
等一下，等一下……我说的是或许！！
深呼吸，就这样。试着想着美好的事物……
玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和雪橇之类的。啦 啦 啦……还有手套……


我现在好多了。
我的功劳。
或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事情。

有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在对面，而且他经常不在家。
乔伊,少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日子。
什么？有规定不能吗？

别再这样，声音很刺耳。
我是保罗。
天啊，6:30了吗？让他进来！
保罗是谁？调酒的那个保罗？
或许吧。
等等,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧？
他终于开口约你了？对。
终于被你等到了。
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。
不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。
罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？

那样最好……
真的吗？
- 假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！
什么意思？他是卖酒的，喝酒的，还是评酒的？
请进！ 保罗，这位是……
……各位，各位，他就是保罗。
保罗……调酒大师。
抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？

我马上就好，我去，去……
神魂恍惚啦？
换衣服！请坐，两秒钟。
我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。
嗨，保罗！
嗯，有何指教？
一个小秘密，莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样，你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方，反反复复，直到那里开始有点发红。
乔伊你给我闭嘴！
瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？
我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因此没了！
我懂，你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时……有很多……大蜥蜴，如果你今晚不想独处，乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱，
对，我们都相当兴奋。
谢谢，但我今晚想待在这儿，我折磨了一天。
好吧，当然。
菲此，想帮忙吗？
我可以去，但我不去。



爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙，
love is a wondrous work of art,
but your love oh your love,your love...
is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart.啦-啦-啦-啦-啦- 谢谢。
我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面，但我没看见托架和蜗杆，而且，我的脚好麻。


我想我们做好书架了。
真漂亮。
这是什么？
我只能说这是个“L”型托架。
是哪儿的？
我也不知道。
书架做好了！终于做好了！
这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。
她总是不用杯子喝，我早应该看出蛛丝马迹。
嗨…………
如果你再这样，我们就走了。
对啊，请不要破坏这里的乐趣。
罗斯，我问你一个问题。
她分得家俱，音响和好电视。
你分得什么？
你们。
天啊。
你昏头了吧。
嗯，天啊！
嗯，天啊。
我知道，我是个大白痴。
她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解，
我指牙齿能有多干净？
我哥正承受着这种痛苦，
一副失魂落魄的样子。
你是怎么熬过来的？
你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西，如她的……
她的……
……腿？
这样也不赖！我……
我砸烂了她的表。
你真的砸烂过她的表？
哇！我做过的最坏的事情是，
我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾。
嗯,机智脱身。
对啊。
巴瑞，真是对不起。
你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关，
关于你做爱时，
穿着袜子，
其实不是，
问题出在我身上，我……
答录机又把我挂断了。
不管怎样……瞧瞧，瞧瞧，
我知道某个女孩会不可思议的，
成为凡可•巴瑞太太，
但那不是我，不是我。
而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道，
但你还应该给我一个机会向你……
我离婚啦！
我才26岁就离婚啦！
闭嘴！
你还是停下来吧！
我才花了一小时。
看啊，罗斯，你应该理解，
我们认识不是太久，
但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了，
四年的封闭和分享，
最后她把你的心都麻醉了，
这就是我们为什么不这样做！
这还不是最重要的！
你知道最可怕的是什么？
万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办？
我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎么办？
不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是……她
你在说什么？一个女人。
那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇淋，
罗斯，告诉你吧，
冰淇淋的口种有千百种。
有各种点心糖果冰淇淋……
你可以加上小糖条或是核果，
或是奶油，
这是你一生中最美好的事。
你八岁时就结婚了吧？
欢迎来到世界！ 抓住勺子！
我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚身？
那么就别碰我家的冰箱。
自从她甩掉我之后我，
什么？…………
什么，你打算边嚼面条边讲？
不，这就像是”第五次约会真情告白”
有第五次约会？
不需要吗？
需要，我想需要的。
你刚才想说什么？
这个……呃……
自从她离开后，
我就一直无法……没做过……
……性方面的……
天啊,天啊,对不起,对不起。
没关系……
你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧。
多久了？
两年了。
哇！真高兴你砸烂了她的表！
你还想要第五次约会？
……当然想。
我们今天来这里参加
乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安和查尔斯•
恰棋-恰棋-恰棋•阿可勒的神圣婚礼。
喔……看……乔安妮爱的是恰棋。
差别就在这儿！
抓住勺子。
知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久吗？
你对”此尔，别逞英雄”这句话有感觉吗？
非常对不起！
但我要走了，
我有个约会，和
安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……嗨，
安吉拉喜欢尖叫，安德里亚养猫。
对。谢谢。六月份了。我走了。
是这样的。
就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去，
但我要约谁呀？
神奇吧？我这辈子从没泡过咖啡。
真神奇。
恭喜了。
你看，我觉得只要我会泡咖啡，
就没有什么不行。
如果能侵入波兰，
就能征服一切。
如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼，
老实说我不太饿……
好啊，Lenny和Squigy来啦。
早安。早安。
早安。
早安,保罗。
你好,保罗。
嗨,保罗,是吗？？
谢谢你！太谢谢你了！
好了！
不行，我要告诉你昨晚就像
我所有的生日，毕业典礼，
和谷仓收获季节加在一起一样。
晚点打电话。
好。谢谢。
那还不叫约会？！
那你真正的约会到底干些什么？
闭嘴,把桌子抬回去。
好吧！
孩子们，我要上班去了。
如果我不输入那些数字……
也没什么关系……
你们大伙儿都有工作？
对，我们都有工作。
这样才有钱买东西。
对，我是个演员。
我见过你吗？？
大概没见过吧。
我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出。
等等，除非你看过小木偶的重播。
这也算是工作吧？
瞧，盖佩多，我是个活生生的小男孩。
我不会理睬这种羞辱。
你说得对,抱歉。
我曾是个小木偶……小木偶……
告诉你们，他死定了。
嗨，钱德勒？
今天感觉如何？
睡得还好吧？和巴瑞通过电话吗？
我无法停止笑。
我看得出来。
你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉。
我知道，他是那么……
还记得你和东尼戴马克？
记得。
就像那样。那样感觉。
你惹上麻烦了。
大麻烦！
需要婚纱吗？几乎没用过的。
我想我们有点不知所以了。
我要清醒，去工作。
整天都不想他，
或者只是清醒然后去工作。
- 祝我幸运！
为什么？
我要去找工作。
嗨，莫妮卡！
法兰妮，欢迎回来！
佛罗里达如何？
你们上床了，对不？
你怎么看出来的？
哦，我恨你，我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过帕罗丛林，
你却在做爱！
和谁呀？
认识保罗吗？
保罗，那个调酒的？
对，我认识保罗。
你认识保罗像我认识他一样？
爱说笑，
他还得谢我呢。
遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道。
显然他是骗你的！
为什么？
为什么会有人那样做？
我想答案比
”设法骗你上床”更复杂。
我恨男人！我恨男人！
不，别恨，你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧。
问题出在我身上？
难道我有特殊气味。
只有狗和感情有严着问题的男人才闻得到。
过来，脚给我。
我以为他是个好男人。
我无法相信你不懂这是骗局。
猜猜看？
你找到工作了？
开玩笑？ 我书都白念了！
今天的十二个面试全泡汤了。
不过你却异常兴奋。
换成是你，你也会一样。
如果你遇见John and David的皮靴打五折。
你真是太了解我了。
这是我的新皮靴，
我不需要工作，不需要父母，
因为我有新皮靴！
你怎么付钱？
信用卡啊。
卡费谁费？
我爸。
天啊，好啦，有必要吗？
我是说，我可以随时忍住挥霍的。
成熟点，你不能靠你爸一辈子。
我知道，所以我选择结婚。
饶了她吧，第一次独立并不轻松。
谢谢。
不客气。我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情况，
当时我十四岁，我妈刚自杀，
我继父再度入狱，
我在这儿人生地不熟。
最后我和患白化症的男人同居。
他为港务局的人清洗车窗。
后来他自杀了。
然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作。
所以请相信我你的心情我能体会。
你需要的是，
“无论如何”……
好的，准备好了吗？
不。不，不，我没准备好！
我怎么会准备好呢？
嗨，瑞秋！你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞机吗？
不行，我不行！
你能行的, 我知道你能行！
我不觉得.
来吧，你会泡咖啡！
你就什么都可以！
来，剪，剪，剪，剪……
你们知道吗？
我认为我们可以把它们留在那里。
只做个象征性的姿势就可以了。
瑞秋！ 那是借书卡！
剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪……
知道吗，如果你们仔细听，
你们会听到上千的商家在尖叫。
欢迎来到现实的世界。
糟透了，但你会喜欢的！
好，就到这。
你要睡在沙发上吗？
不，我要回家。
你没事吧？
还好。
嗨，看我在地板上发现什么？
什么？
那是保罗的手表。
放回原地就好了。
好。晚安,各位。
晚安。
嗯……
对不起。- 不，不，不，走开-
吃吧,我不饿。
分开？
行。
你大概不知道我在高中时，
肯定能迷死你。
我知道。
你知道？ 哦……
我总想你认为我不过是莫妮卡的书呆子哥哥。
没错。
你是否认为如果抛开其他不好的因素，
我能偶尔约你出去吗？有时？有可能？
好，或许吧……
或许我会的……
晚安。
晚安。
回头见……
等等，你怎么了？
我刚“抓住了勺子”！
我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
我说你有一个……
我说你有一个……
你有完没完？
我的老毛病又犯了？
没错！
我是说你有一个不错的屁股，
但不是个了不起的屁股。
它又没跳起来咬过你，你怎么知道不是了不起。
只是想象。
谁要喝咖啡？
你煮的还只是端过来而已？
端来而已。
好,好,给我来杯咖啡。
孩子们，新梦……
我在拉斯维加斯。
嗨，小姐？加点咖啡？
嗯，劳驾，请递给那个人？
去啊。
谢谢。
对不起。好，拉斯维加斯。
我在拉斯维加斯……
我是丽莎明妮莉……

huangcaian

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End


[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she？
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Ross:Hi.
Carol: So.
Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
Carol: A lesbian?
Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Ross: Pregnant?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?!
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
Monica: What?
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
All: Eeaagh!
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)
Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Chandler: ...Dinah?
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
Monica: You didn't.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Chandler: Boys? We're going in.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi.
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: Carol's pregnant.
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved basically it's entirely up to me.
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
Rachel: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Monica: Curry.
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!
Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: Aw, Mom...
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.

Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.
[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!


Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Monica: What's that supposed to mean?
Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.
Monica: No it's not.
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
(Stunned silence ensues.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.
Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)
Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
Rachel: You're twins?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.

Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Rachel: The lights, please..
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Ross: ...How long was I in there?
Rachel: I'm just cleaning up.
Ross: D'ya.. uh.. Do you need any help?
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Ross: Mm-hmm..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Mm.
Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
Ross: Got me.
Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?
Ross: Yes, yes!
Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Hi.
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: How could I forget?
Susan: Ross.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
Susan: She.
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Carol: Thanks.
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Barry?
Barry: Come in.
Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?
Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
Robbie: Huh?!
Barry: So, how ya doin?
Rachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
Barry: Yeah, well..
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Rachel: I dumped him.
Robbie: Okay.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
Carol: Julia..
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Robbie: Me?!
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.


Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!
Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.

Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Rachel: Okay..
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Rachel: Wow.
Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.


Rachel: What?
Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Robbie: Hello?!
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!

Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!


Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)
Ross: Oh my God.
Susan: Look at that.
Carol: I know.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram.  Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I don’t know, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
Ross: Then don't do that, alright?
Phoebe: Okay!
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. What do you think?
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.
Ross: Wh- are you welling up?
Monica: No.
Ross: You are, you're welling up.
Monica: Am not!
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
  102 参加助产训练班

你们男生不懂亲吻对女生的重要性
没错，当真?
当真.
你想了解的一切全在初吻之中
没错
对我们而言亲吻就像是开场，就像佛洛伊飞船出场前，你得耐着性子先看完脱口秀
对，我们并非讨厌脱口秀，但那不是我们买票的原因
问题出在于演唱会结束后，不论表演有多精采，你们女生总还想再看脱口秀，我们在车上奋力杀出车阵，只是拼命让自己别睡着
是哦?给你一个建议。叫脱口秀主持人再度上场，否则下次，你们只能坐家里听唱片
我们还在谈论性吗?
不，这样很好，只是她看起来是不是有点生气吗?
她有麻烦事.
她有吗?
他在外头乱搞女人，而她却待家里，设法去除地毯上乳齿象的味道
玛莎，他们是穴居人，他们关心的问题是冰河愈来愈接近了，懂吗?
谈到问题,那不是你前妻吗?
我的?不是
是的,她是.嘿,你好
是的,我到冰河期找你
编剧：马卡克夫曼大卫克恩

你的气色好极了，我讨厌看到这样
抱歉，谢了
你的气色也很好，在这儿任何直立的人…，最近如何?还是…女同志?
问问无妨嘛，家庭生活如何?
玛蒂的疑心病还是很重
卡萝，为何来这儿?
我怀孕了
她似乎不急着离开，人和人，让人讨厌的就是有误会，他们之间有误会
我看过这一集
喝完没?
抱歉,吞下去的时间太慢
这是谁的小纸团?
我的，我写给自己一张便条，后来觉得自己不需要，于是将它揉成纸团，我不想活了
她已经拍松过那个枕头，摩妮卡，你已经拍过了枕头了?
抱歉，各位，我只是不想，让他们有藉题发挥的机会
没错，我们都知道，父母对孩子的枕头要求有多苛刻。
摩妮卡…，你吓到我了，你慌慌张张的，而且显得不是很好
冷静,你没见过每次他们来时，罗斯有慌张的样子
因为在我爸妈心目中，罗斯不可能犯错，他是个王子，显然，他们在我出生前有个大型仪式。   什么?
丑陋裸男有个”xxx器”
有人看见我的订婚戒指吗?
有，很漂亮。糟了•，．
嘿,不要动它们
明天就要还他戒指，我似乎还不够担心。巴瑞，记得我吗?，我是那个穿白纱，让你在亲友面前出糗的人，天啊，如今我必须还他戒指，戒指不见了，叫我如何面对他？
别急，我们会找到的，对不?
是呀,我们会的.
最后一次戴是在什么时候?
”孩仔”，大概是在遗失之前
这年头说”孩仔”的人不多
我今天早上还戴它，我在厨房戴着做…
面条？
别生气
对不起
我就让你做了这么一件事情
你看面条现在变得多直
摩妮卡，在千层面中找订婚戒指不是那样找
我办不到
我们很高兴做.
语气并不开心
卡萝怀孕了
我找到了
什,什,什么?
你再持续两小时，就会变成我这样
如此一来，枕头的事就可先拦在一旁?
你现在要怎么办?
卡萝说她和苏珊想让我加入，但是对这件事我不太感到舒服,我不想卷进去.一切由我做决定
她人好好，我真想念她
她所谓的”加入”代表什么?
我猜,你大部分的工作已经结束了
总之，她们要我和她们去做超音波检查
你打算怎么做?
我也不知道，不管我怎么做我还是孩子的爹
面已经被搅乱了，不是吗?

玛莎路金的女儿会打电话给你
怎么会有咖哩味?
因为有放咖哩
这东西很好吃，真的
你还记得路金一家人?他们的大女儿喜欢你，对不?
他们家的女儿都喜欢他
不要这样,妈妈
抱歉，她为何要打电话给我?
她刚毕业，想找份烹饪的工作吧，我告诉她你开了一家餐馆
不，妈，我没开餐馆，我在餐厅工作
他们不需要知道
罗斯，能帮我做义大利面吗?
我们吃义大利面呀?太简单了
我知道这样要求过于自私，你能不能和他们说一下小孩/女同性恋之类的事?因为这样可以让我喘口气
瑞秋到底怎么了?，我们在俱乐部遇见她父母，他们很不开心
我不想讲他们为此婚礼花了些什么，但是4万块不是个小数目?
至少她有机会把一个男人留在教堂里的圣坛
什么意思?
没什么，随便说说
不，不是的，别听你妈乱讲话，你一直都很独立，就连你小时候，胖嘟嘟的一个朋友也没有，你还是活得好好的，你会待在你房里看书玩拼图
而像罗斯这种人则追求卓越，博物馆，发表论文…，其他人则安于现状告诉你，这种人不会得癌症
我还知道，这些女人想拥有一切，幸好我们家的小摩妮卡似乎没有这种问题
罗斯，你呢?最近有什么新闻八卦之类可以和老爸老妈分享的
好吧，我知道你们想了解我和卡萝之间倒底怎么了，事情是这样的，卡萝是个女同志，她和一个名字苏珊的女人同居，她怀了我的孩子，并打算和苏珊共同抚养他
这些你全都知道?
你的状况真的很糟糕吗?
你要知道这些人十分专业,他们会躲在那里
再来个突然袭击
常言道：父母是无法交换的，如果可以，我要你的父母
我要去尿尿了
如果你是双胞胎，情况会更惨
你是双胞胎?
对,我们不往来。她是一心追求事业的人
她从事什么工作?
服务生
各位，我得打扫了
钱德，你是独子?你没有这些困扰?
没有。尽管我有个想像中的朋友，而我爸妈比较喜欢他
帮我关灯
我在里面多久了?
只是我要打扫了
需要帮忙吗?
好呀，谢了
明天要见巴瑞，紧张吗?
有一点
很紧张
有任何建言吗?就一个最近刚被甩的人而言,你应该避免用”甩”这个字眼,现在他可能痛不欲生,因此你不该显得艳光照人.我知道这一点很难做到.这样吧，我拿戒指还巴瑞,你陪卡萝及苏珊去做检查
你明天得见卡萝,此事何时变得这么复杂?
你可问倒我了
还记得我们在高中时代吗? 记得
你没想过自己会遇见心上人,谈恋爱,然后厮守终生吗?罗斯?   什么事?
没想到自己会沦落到这个地步
我也是
抱歉，我迟到了,我忙得无法脱身恐龙之类的事
罗斯，记得苏珊吗?
我怎能忘得了?
罗斯
苏珊,你好,她的手好有力,那么我们在等…
欧伯曼大夫
欧伯曼大夫他•，
她
她了解我们的特殊状况?
了解，而且她非常支持
这太好了,不,我只是.
谢了
罗斯，
那是用来打开我的子宫颈的
巴瑞
进来
没问题?
没问题,罗此得待在这儿好几个小时
最近好吗?
你的气色好极了
法大夫,杰森快没气了
马上到
我马上回来
我甩了他
哦.
我们该如何处理此事?比方说某些重大的决定
比如?
比方说孩子的名字
马龙
如果是个男孩马龙,如果是个女孩就叫米妮
和米奇的女友同名?
和我奶奶同名
不管怎样,听到这个还是想到老鼠.朱莉亚如何?
朱莉亚?
我们决定用米妮
真幽默我们曾决定共同生活一辈子,世事难料，兵来将挡.茱莉亚，就这么决定
抱歉,近来可好?
混得过去，我刚找到工作
这太好了
你为何晒得这么黑?
我到阿鲁巴了
你自己一个去渡蜜月?
不是,我和… 你也许会很不好受
我?
不.我和明蒂去了
我的伴娘明蒂?
对，我们是认真的
你去做植发了?
小心，还不固定
你何时配隐形眼镜的?你不是讨厌将手指放进眼睛吗?
还不是为了她. 我真的得感谢你
一个月前我想伤害你,我从未如此激动过,我是个整牙医师
你说得没错,我以为我们会过得很快乐,我们不快乐.但是和明蒂在一起,现在我很快乐.吐掉
什么?
是和我说
总之，这东西属于你的.谢谢你送我
谢谢你送还给我

拜托，海伦有什么不好?
海伦盖勒?不行
她不会叫海伦盖勒的
不，我是说她不姓盖勒
难道她叫海伦威利克
老实说,我们考虑用海伦威利克班奇
等等，为何有她的份?
因为她也是我的宝宝
是吗?我不记得女人也会制造精子
我们都知道那是个极大的挑战
够了，你们两个，别吵了
不，功劳全让她抢了.我也在场
罗斯，你该不会想用海伦威利克班奇盖勒吧?因为这有虐待儿童之嫌
当然没有,我想用盖勒威利克班奇
绝对不行,你看他，没人会叫她全名的.他知道别人只会叫她盖勒,这样他就得逞了
我得逞?你认为这样算我得逞?相信我，我没想到自己会沦落到这种地步,我是不得已的…
有人在吗?今天如何，想呕吐吗?
只是一点点
我只是问准妈妈,很感谢你们的分享.躺好
知道吗?我不加入,我认为此时自己无法淌人这浑水
我的天呀
看啊
我知道
很神奇吧
我们该看到什么?
我不知道,可能是攻击企业号(星舰迷航记)

如果你们把头稍微向左偏,两眼放轻松,它样子就像是一个颗老马铃薯
那么就不要那么干
摩妮卡，你认为呢?
你热泪盈眶?
才没那
我只是…
你有,你热泪盈眶
你就要成为阿姨了
闭嘴
明蒂，我是瑞秋.我很好，我今天和巴瑞见面了.不，他告诉我了,没关系，真的.对，他告诉我了,我诚心祝福你们幸福快乐.如果一切顺利，你们结婚生子,希望他们有他的发线和你的鼻子.
我知道这招很贱,但我感觉好棒

huangcaian

103 The One With the Thumb


[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
All: Ohh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.
Rachel: And everybody knows this?
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.
Monica: Uh, Ross.
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going.
Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?"
Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."
Chandler: "Smoke away."
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Relax your hand!
(Joey lets his wrist go limp.)
Chandler: Not so much!
Joey: Whoah!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff.
(Joey tries and visibly winces.)
Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.
Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.
Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Joey: Y'miss it?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
[Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is there.]
Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.
(The guys stretch out their fingers.)
Joey: That's ridiculous!
Ross: Can I use.. either thumb?
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent.
Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me!
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.)
Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.
Monica: What did they do to you?
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-
Ross: Easy.
Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...
Monica: We're with you. We got it.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.)
All: Oh! Oh, God!
Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit!
All: Ohhh! Put it out!
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.)
Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!
Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date.
Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'?
Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun.
Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.
All: Oh, come on! Come on!
Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve.
Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry.
Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out.
Rachel: Well, then can we meet him?
Monica: Nope. Schhorry.
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.
Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
Joey: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
Monica: Do you all promise?
All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
Ross: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Rachel: What bank is this?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan.
Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here!
(Chandler comes in, dripping wet.)
Monica: (to all) Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me.
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.
Alan: Hi.
All: Hi, Alan.
Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!
(Everyone laughs.)
[Time lapse, Alan is leaving.]
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
(Silence.)
Monica: C'mon!
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
All: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!
Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?
All: Yeah!
Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb and index finger.)
The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah.
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Ross: ...What shoe?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(Dubious pause.)
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.
Monica: Really!
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Ross: You know what I like most about him, though?
All: What?
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
All: Yeah...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Ross: Well..
All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Joey: Alan.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
Ross: What?
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.
Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her purse.)
Lizzie: Saltines?
Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
Phoebe: I know.
Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing?
Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.
Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.
Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no.
Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat?
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.
Lizzie: Please, let me do something.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?
Lizzie: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette.  While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
Phoebe: No, I'm fine.
Lizzie: (leaves) See ya.
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.)
Phoebe: Huh!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Ross: A thumb?!
(Phoebe nods.)
All: Eww!
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see?
All: Nooo!
(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb!
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(An awkward silence ensues.)
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it.
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe spits out her hair.)
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"?
(Monica laughs and snorts.)
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
Paula: No.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him!
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard.
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good.
Ross: If only he were a woman.
Rachel: Yeah.
(They give each other a dubious look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.)
Ross: (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There y'go.
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Ross: Hey, I might!
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.
All: You're kidding. Oh my God.
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..
Rachel: Uh, Joey..
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay..
All: Oh! That was Lambchop!
Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not.
Monica: Alright, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is!
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
Ross: Is there somebody else?
Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.
Rachel: We didn't change..
Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending-
Joey: Okay!
Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Monica: I'm sorry..
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.
All: Oh, yeah! Right!
Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay?
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Monica: (dubious) I understand.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
Alan: Wow.
Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry.
Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.
Monica: Relieved?
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.]
Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Monica: (entering) Hi.
All: Mmm.
Ross: So how'd it go?
Monica: Oh, y'know..
Phoebe: Did he mention us?
Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious look)
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
All: No no no!
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
End
  103 飞来横财


嗨,各位!
嘿, 菲比! 嗨!
嘿. 哦,哦,你的约会怎么样?
不是很好,他送我到地铁
然后说:"我们应该再来一次!"
哦,喔.
怎么啦?
他说要再来一次?那不是很好吗?
不，
他说我们应该再来一次
代表你将无法再见到裸体的我
什么时候这样子的?
一直都是这样,
这是约会用语.
就像...”问题不是出在你”
代表”就是你”
”你真好”代表
”我要和皮革族的酒徒约会
然后向你抱怨."
还有还有,”我们该试试别人”
代表”我已和别人约会了”
大家都懂?
对,这是善意的谎言
没错，
就像父母使小孩的狗安乐死时
他们会说
它跑到别人家农场去住了
真有意思
不过我爸妈是真的
把我们的狗送到别人农场去养了
呃, 罗斯
米纳家在康乃迪克州的农场
米纳家
他们家的农场好棒
有马还有可供追逐的兔子…
噢,我的天,芝芝
“知道自己不久人世有何感受?”
“华顿，
我的痛苦将在五分钟内消除
但你得承受
埋葬一个老实人的痛苦！”
嘿,表演得真好!
是吗? 谢了，咱们继续吧
好，“你要我怎么做，
迪默，嗯？”
我只想回到我的牢房内
因为这样
我才可以抽烟
你就在这里抽吧.
我想这就是迪默
自己一个在牢房里抽烟的原因
什么?
手放轻松,手腕自然点
别太过火
-哦! 嘿!
-嘿!
好, 吐口烟
给我来
不,我不能给你烟
无所谓的，
你到底想不想演这个角色?
好，别把它当成是支烟，把它当成
是你想念多时的东西
夹着它
你感到自在你感到满足
你很想它
没那么严重.
抽烟
噢,爽呀!
不,不是这样的.
他们说和拇指尖
到食指尖的距离一样
这太荒谬了
随便哪个姆指都行?
别告诉我…
无咖啡因卡布其诺
是乔依的
纯咖啡
拿铁
和冰茶
我进步神速
对, 对, 真好
我真行
菲此,你没事吧
我还好
只是太不值得了…
我的银行
他们对你怎么了?
我看我的信件时
看见他们的每月“通知”
别激动...
我的户头多了五百元
撤旦的奴才又开始活跃了
没错，因为我得到银行找他们处理
别傻了，留着自己用吧
这些钱不是我的
不是我赚来的
我留下来就如同偷窃
如果你拿来花就如同购物
好吧，就比方说我买了一双很棒的鞋
你们知道我每踏出一步
都会听到什么吗?
不是我的…
即使我再快乐再雀跃都会听到
不是我的…
我们知道你的意思了
我无法享受非份之财的乐趣
这就像是业报一样
钱德，你在干什么?
嘿，你在干什么?
噢,我的天!
这是什么?!
我在抽烟…
我真不敢相信你
你这三年来一直表现良好
这是我的奖励
等等，想想你戒烟后是怎么活过来的
所以这一次我不再戒了
熄掉…
好吧,我熄掉就是
拜托，我现在喝不了它了.
(难道待会可以-_-!)
我要去换衣服了
我有个约会
又是亚伦?
进展得如何?
进展的还不错.
我们在一起很开心
我们何时能见到他?
对啊!
今天是星期一…
永远别想…
哦, 来嘛!
不,不要再来像史提夫那次的事…
你在说什么?
我们都爱史...提夫
史...提夫很性...感
抱歉
我连自己对他有何感觉
都还不知道
给我一点时间想清楚
那么到时我们可以见他罗?
不行，抱歉
我为何要让他们见他?
我带他回去后五分钟
他们便蜂拥而上
他们就像郊狼一样
找弱者下手
不愉快的场面我见多了
告诉你
这并不是一件坏事
他们是你的朋友
他们只是关心你
我知道
我只希望带一个
他们真正喜欢的男人回家
你知道如果他们没见过他
机会就更渺茫
-不要这样子,罗斯,别再想了!
你又不认识芝芝.
你们都保证?
对，我们保证
我们会很乖的
钱德，你保证会很乖?
你可以进来了,
但你的滤嘴屁股朋友得呆在外面.
嘿, 菲比
亲爱的巴菲小姐
谢谢你提醒我们的错误
我们已将五百元存人你的户头
造成不便之处请多包涵
请接受此足球电话…
作为礼物
你们懂意思吗?
现在我多了一千元和一个足球电话
这是哪家银行?
他来了
是谁啊?
亚伦
钱德，他来了
拜托，别乱来
记得你们有多么爱我
嗨，亚伦，这是大家
各位，这是亚伦
嗨
嗨，亚伦
我对各位已如雷灌耳
谢谢，我明天再打电话给你
好了，开始攻击亚伦吧
谁先开始?
来呀
我来
我们从他一直...
…抱歉，我办不到...
我们爱他…他太棒了...
等等，我们谈的是我约会的对象吗?
是啊
你们都有注意到?
是啊...
知道他什么最棒吗?
他的微笑有点邪邪的
对，就像是鞋里的男人
什么鞋?
童谣里的
有个驼背的人有着扭曲的微笑
他住在鞋子里，一阵子
我想亚伦将成为日后男友被丈量的标准
什么日后男友?
不，我想他就是了
真的呀?
光凭他学海滩游侠的样子
我就想嫁给他了
”我要去参加派对”
知道我最喜欢他哪一点?
哪一点？
他改变我看待自己的方式
嗯...
嗯...
嗨！
比赛如何?
怎么说呢.
我们赢啦! 谢谢! 太棒啦!
太好了! 我有一个问题: 这怎么可能呢?
亚伦真是太不可思议了
他就像兔宝宝卡通里,
兔宝宝守每个位置
我们虽没有兔宝宝
但我们有一垒手亚伦、
二垒手亚伦、三垒手亚伦...
他使我们形成一个团队
对，我们让对手见识到什么叫垒球
没错
能问你们一个问题吗?
你是否曾感觉亚伦有时…
有时怎样?
我说不上来，有点太亚伦了?
不，不可能
他不可能太过于亚伦
没错我们欣赏的是亚伦的内在
我个人可以喝下一加仑的亚伦
嘿,露西
嘿,古怪女孩
我带字母汤来给你
你挑掉有母音吗?
但我把“Y”留下来了
因为有时你会用的上,
为什么(Why,音同Y)
我还带了其他东西给你
咸鱼吗?
不, 但你想要一千元和足球电话吗?
什么?
天啊，这里真的有钱
怪女孩，你在干什么?
我要给你，我不想要
不，我得拿点东西给你
不，不用了
你要我的锡箔纸帽帽吗?
不要，因为你需要它
不用了，谢谢
求你
让我表示我的谢意
好，这样吧
你请我喝汽水，我们就扯平了，好吗？
好吧
好吧
不用找了
谢谢你，莉兹
你真的不要椒盐卷饼?
不,不用了,谢谢
再见
一个拇指?!
我知道
我打开时
它就浮在里面
像个搭便车的
或者
这是一场竞赛
集满五个有奖?
你们想看看吗?
不,不,不...
嘿，嘿，别那样！
拜托！
这比拇指更坏！
嘿，这很不公平啊！
为何不公平?
好，我有个缺点，怎么了?
乔依常扳指关节就不惹人厌?
罗斯把每个音发得太清楚
摩妮卡大笑时的鼻音
搞什么嘛？！
我接受大家所有的缺点
为什么大家就不肯接受我的这个缺点呢?
扳指关节很惹人厌吗?
我觉得有点点烦
那声音只是一点点惹人厌...
还是像菲此咬她的头发一样惹人厌?
菲此，别介意
我觉得那样很可爱
哦，真的？是吗？
咬字清晰又不犯法
没错
我该回去工作了
没错，否则有人就会拿到他们真正点的东西了
哦...
全都发泄出来了
你曾和一个
你朋友都喜欢的男人约会吗?
没有
我在和一个
我朋友都喜欢的男人约会
我们在谈郊狼吗?
一头牛居然全身而退
你能相信吗?
你知道吗? 我毫无感觉...
他们有感觉...
而我却毫无感觉！
你应该要有感觉的啊！
听着，如果你对他没感觉
就把他甩了呀！
我知道，但很难
没错，但他是大人了，
他会熬过去的
不，他没事
我担心的
是其他五人
难道你不尊重你的身体吗?
你不知道你在残害你的身体?
我受够你们了
还有你们的癌症，肺气肿
和心脏病
至少抽烟很酷
这点你们也很清楚
钱德，亚伦找你
真的？他找我？
老兄，什么事?
她告诉你了?
对，我偶尔会犯烟瘾
对，现在
没那么糟
这倒是真的
天啊，没人这么说过
好的，谢谢
天啊，他真神
如果他是个女人那该有多好
是啊...
小羊排
那袜子到底有多旧了?
如果我手上戴着袜子三十年
它也会开始说话了
有人该换尼古丁贴片了
嘿，乔依在哪儿?
乔依吃了我的最后一片口香糖
所以我就把他杀了
你认为这样不对吗?
我想他在对面
好啦.
哦，我又重拾快乐的生活了
菲此，你还想吃那个吗？菲比？
谁想吃剩下的?
我要
抱歉
汽水公司那些笨蛋
给我七千元当姆指的补偿金
天啊！
七千元！
别闹了！
然后在来这的路上我又踩到口香糖了
这世界到底怎么了?
怎么啦?
没什么，只是觉得大伙儿在一起很温馨
如果大家都有穿内裤会更好
Joey,你那里...
天呀
好..
哦！那是小羊排！
好了,大家,我们必须得谈谈.
等等，我有似曾相识的感觉,
不,好像没有
好吧,我们需要谈谈.
瞧,来了
是有关亚伦的事
有件事应该让你们知道
真的很难启齿
我决定和亚伦分手
有第三者?
没有...
只是世事难料，人都会变
我们没变啊
就这样...就这样结束了？就这样了？
当你放下防御，真心对待一个人…
我可以继续伪装…
好啊！
不，这样对我不公平
对亚伦不公平
对你们大家也不公平
是吗?谁要公平?
我只想要回失去的，回到往日
我很抱歉
哦,她说抱歉,我感觉好多了
我真是不敢相信
假期就要来临了
我还想带他去见我的家人
我会找到新欢的，会有另一个亚伦
是呀,另一个.
你们不会有事吧?
嘿，嘿，我们会好起来的
我们只是需要一点时间
我了解
哇..
我真的很抱歉
我也很抱歉
但我也真的松了一口气.
松了一口气?
对，我和你在一起很开心
只是我受不了你朋友
记得我们到中央公园划船吗?
那真好玩
是啊，他划得就像维京人一样
嗨.
嘿.
情况如何?
嗯，你知道...
他有提到我们吗?
他说他会想念你们的
悲惨的一天?
你无法体会
来...
我受够了,我要抽烟
不行…
我管不了那么多了
我投降，我是懦夫，我要抽烟，我要抽烟！
如果你不再抽烟我就给你七千块
好吧,没问题.

huangcaian

104 The One With George Stephanopoulos


[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.
Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself!
Monica: ..Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!
Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.]
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what what! ...Hi.
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
Monica: What's going on with you?
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night!
Ross: Why?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight.
Phoebe: Thanks.
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross)
Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
Joey: So?
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."
Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
Ross: Ohhh.
Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Joey: C'mon, Ross!
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
Chandler: You got it.
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
Ross: You can totally, totally live on this.
Monica: Yeah, yeah.
Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
All: Oh! Yeah!
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
Leslie: (looking around) Rachel?
Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream and hug each other.
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you?
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.)
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.)
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Joey: What?
Ross: Peach pit.
Chandler: Yes, Bunny?
Ross: (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
Joey: -Peaches?
Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically...
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are talking.]
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar!
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Rachel: Okay.
Joanne: When are you coming home?
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not.
Joanne: C'mon, this is us.
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
Kiki: Waitressing?
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
Rachel: What's that?
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and-
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back?
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
Ross: (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...
Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs?
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Phoebe: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word.
Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together?
Monica: ...Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now.
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me!
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
Phoebe: And-and a power tie?
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.
Monica: (staggered) Oh God.
Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back?
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on?
Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Monica: Oh, no...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]
Monica: Light still out?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.
Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex.
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
Monica: I think he's shy.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Chandler: Then what?
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Joey: What?
Ross: It was my first time.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one—(He gets a look too)—oh.
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
Phoebe: You'd already broken up.
Rachel: How long?
Phoebe: A couple hours.
Monica: Oh, that's nice!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
Monica: Excuse me?!
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel start to squabble)
Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Monica: Where?
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
Rachel: He is so cute!
Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the—(pause)—wowww.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Both: Hey, buddy.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.)
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
Kid: No.
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross: ...Now that was fun.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing twister.]
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) Never-never mind.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.
End
  104 （克林顿亲信助手）乔治•史特喷那彼拉斯先生


菲比
如果有一天我变得全能
我要世界和平，
不再有饥饿
雨林不再遭受破坏
还有更大的胸部
你说了我的愿望
钱德，你呢？
如果有一天我变得全能
我要让自己变得永远全能
看吧，总有这样的人
“给我一个愿望，
我就要更多的愿望”
乔依，如果你变得全能
你希望做什么？
大概是自杀吧
什么？
如果小乔依死了
我就没再活下去的理由
乔伊，全能
(不是无能)
你是？
对不起
她是怎么办到的
我在公共场合根本睡不着
你看她，
睡得那么安祥
制片：陶德史帝芬
什么事？
没事，
你只是又打瞌睡了
你是怎么了？
我昨晚没睡好
为什么？
导演：詹姆斯布罗
我祖母交了一个新男友
他们俩在床上翻来覆去
还有耳聋…
于是两人不断确定
彼此是否尽兴
简直是吵死人了
如果愿意
你今晚可以和我及瑞秋睡
谢了
95，96，97
我说得没错吧
从我的住处到这儿
不到一百步
你可真闲
他就是今天的寿星？
瞧，冰球赛门票
骑兵队与企鹅队
今晚在花园球场
我们要带你去看
生日快乐,老兄
我们爱你
你们真幽默
我的生日在七个月前
所以呢？
一定是你们多了一张票
找不到人一起去看
我们不是悲观之人
天啊，今天是10月20号
我正希望你没记起来
20号有什么不对劲吗？
万圣节的前十一天？
所有的好服装都被抢走？
今天是我第一次和卡萝…
进行肉体接触…
作爱
我不去看球赛了
我还是回家
想着我的前妻和她的爱人吧
去他的曲棍球
我们回去一起想吧
罗斯，别这样
你，我和乔伊，冰人夜游怎样，大个儿？
你打算干吗？
我不知道
拜托,罗斯
好吧,或许能让我忘记伤痛
但你要帮我买个大手指
一定
大家看，我的第一份薪水
看看这框框，上面有我的名字
是我
我记起拿到第一份薪水的那一天
矿场塌陷八人惨遭活埋
你在矿场工作？
不，我在黛莉冰淇淋工作，干嘛问？
真叫人兴奋，我赚来的
每天擦桌椅蒸牛奶
这真是太…
不值得了
谁是FICA？
为何他拿走我所有的钱？
钱德，你看
没那么糟
就第一份薪水而言
你已经算不错了
单靠它就够你过日子了
没错
对了,优秀的服务员
没错
球赛！
球赛！
瑞秋
天呀
我发誓我在动物园
也看过这种场面
什么风把你们吹来的？
我们到市区逛街
又听你妈你在这儿工作
结果是真的
瞧你的围裙
好像在演戏一般
看看你，你的肚子好大
我简直不敢相信
我知道，我变成两倍大
你近来可好？
你猜我爸和谁合伙？
还有我们的话题
看，我有手腕
罗斯将球传给李奇
李奇看见纳斯有空档
一记妙传
我们先暂停一下
纳斯正停下来看女鞋
那一夜卡萝穿着那种靴子
在我们的第一次...
老实说她没脱下
因为我们…
对不起
瞧
什么？
桃核
怎么样？
那天晚上我们...
吃了桃子？
事实上是蜜桃
但基本上...
可能是桃子
然后我们穿上衣服
我送她到公车站牌
我没事
那女人的臀部和卡萝的一样
什么？
我以为我们在找东西
好了，你们快点跟我讲八卦
最大的八卦
还是你在圣坛前抛下巴瑞
好了，我们来谈点正经的
你打算何时回家？
什么？我不回家
拜托，我们是好姐妹
我不回家
我要在这儿工作
我有工作
当女服务生？
我不只是当女服务生
我...写下每日特餐
摘下瓶中枯死的花朵
有时老板还会让我
在饼干上涂上巧克力酱
你妈没有提起巧克力酱
瑞秋，和朋友聊得如何？
想喝杯鸡尾酒吗？
里面什么？
是郎姆酒,还有
知道了
既然菲此要来过夜谈通宵
我们就买了一些八卦杂志
饼干面团和扭体游戏
我带了”手术”游戏来
不过我把镊子弄丢了,所以玩不了了
不过我们可以演练下
瑞秋，是信用卡的人打来的
问他们想干什么
请问有什么事吗？
好，稍待
他们说你的账户有问题
可是
我已好几个星期没刷卡了
问题就出在这儿
他们想知道你是否没事
他们想知道我是否没事？
我想看看
FICA把我的钱全拿走了
我认识的朋友
不是结婚怀孕就是升职
而我只是端咖啡
而且还不是端给自己喝
如果这样叫没事的话
就告诉他们我没事，
好吗？
瑞秋刚出去，
你能再打来吗？
好吧，
我们来玩扭体游戏吧
对不起，对不起
怎么了？
你和卡萝那一夜有冰？
塑胶座位？
四千名愤怒的匹兹堡球迷？
不，我是说
我们可能不会坐在一起
既然你已提起
没错，那一夜有结冰
第一次结霜
坐下吧
你应该感到自豪才对
你正在学习了不起的独立
摩妮卡，有什么了不起可言？
我放弃一切
到底是为了什么？
你和杰克没两样
楼下的杰克？
不，是杰克与魔豆
另一个杰克
对，他放弃某些东西
但是得到了魔豆
他起床后
发现窗外有棵大树
充满一切可能
他住在一个村庄
你住在一个村庄…
菲此，杰克放弃了牛
我放弃了一个整牙医生
我知道我并不喜欢他
杰克深爱着那头牛
那是有预谋的，
一切都很清楚。
可是现在所有事都...
不顺利？
对
不是只有你才这样
我们也常不知自己何去何从
你得仔细想清楚
自然就能步上轨道
这样才能...诸事顺利
真能拼
但如果无法步上轨道呢？
菲比
因为你…
我不喜欢这个问题
瞧，如果我们没拿到魔豆吗？
只拿到一般的豆子呢？
宰掉他…
笑不出来了吧，老兄
那正是你需要的
一群以棍子互打的无齿之徒
快传，他有空档
射门,射门
瞧，我们上电视了
我抢到了
上面说不满意这条巧克力糖
可以拨这个号码
我并不满意
这是紧急事件
我想你很清楚
否则我们就不会在这儿了
等等，拿去填资料
坐在那儿填
我不想惹麻烦，好吗？
可我现在很疼，我脸被打歪了
你得照顺序来
大概要等多久？
快了
真是对不起
我不是存心让你们不开心的
不，你说得对
我的人生毫无计划
送Pizza的
感谢上帝,食物终于来了
Pheobe
干吗？
你有计划吗？
我根本毫无计划
磨菇,青椒和洋葱
不,这不是我们点的
我们点的是奶酪脆皮口味
史先生不住这儿？
没这个人
惨了，我爸一定会宰掉我的
等等，你是说史先生？
对，他住对街
我一定是送错了，笨
慢着，
是不是那个矮小的地中海人
一幅聪明样的帅哥？
对，应该就是他
他穿着迷人的蓝色西装？
打着领带？
不，他只围一条浴巾
上帝呀
你们忍心让我把它带回去？
什么？开什么玩笑
我们要吃史先生的Pizza
菲比，史先生是谁？
大鸟的朋友
我看见Pizza
让我看
我们在偷瞄谁？
白宫顾问，克林顿的助选员
他有迷人的头发性感的微笑
带劲儿的屁股是他？那个小矮人？
我好喜欢他
等等，我看一个女人
告诉我那是他妈
绝对不是他妈
慢着，她走过地板
她走着…去拿Pizza
不是给你的，臭女人
蓝大夫，请接分号256…
抱歉，我们已等了一个小时
许多情况比我朋友轻的人都走了
那个脚趾上挂东西的
他和谁睡觉？
朵拉，别生气
我知道我们都说了
伤害彼此的话
但那不意味着
我们不再爱着对方
我想她不会再理我了
灯还关着，对吗？
或许他们在小睡
拜托,他们在做爱
-闭嘴！
你们认为史先生是什么样的人？
我认为他很害羞
真的？
你必须勾引他
之后他就会渐渐显露出兽性
拜托
我记得月光透过窗户照进来
她的脸庞露出甜蜜的微笑
对，月光，微笑和甜蜜
说得好
谁能拿点止痛药来吗？
他说得对，你够了没？
今天有什么大不了的？
你和她第一次上床，了不起？
之后你又和她做了七年
事情没那么简单
那么问题出在哪儿？
她把你甩了？
她爱上女人？
她为一个爱女人的女人而离开你？
大声点，行吗？
12楼有个昏迷的人听不清楚
然后呢？
我和卡萝的第一次
是我的第一次
什么？
我的第一次
和卡萝？
这么说你这辈子只和一人…
天啊，看冰球赛真是个错误
本来今晚我们可以干很多事
我有了
还记得
你很喜欢我做的那个蔬菜面团？
除非鹅也是蔬菜
好吧，行
和强森上床的感觉没那么糟
什么？你和强森上床？
在你们分手后
多久之后？
几小时
真好
我也有了
情人节汤姆放在你置物箱的东西
其实是我放的
什么？
你以为他真会送你东西？
她太天真了
真的？天真的女孩
至少不会在七年级时还尿裤子
当时我是在笑，你逗得我大笑
他来了，他来了
在哪儿？
我们看了一整夜的地方
他真帅
我的宝贝乔治，快拿掉浴巾
快拿掉浴巾…一次就好
你能相信他只和一个女人上过床？
这样很好啊
甜蜜又浪漫
你真的这样认为？
才怪,这家伙是怪胎
老兄
真是迷人
你在“沉默的羔羊”里演得真好
快承认吧,纵观一切，你今晚很开心
开心？哪里开心？
告诉哪一点值得我开心？
我的冰球在哪儿？
在那小孩手里
孩子…
球是我的
我找到的
谁发现归谁，丢掉的人活该
争气点
是吗？我是橡胶你是胶水…
我做不到
还我,到底还不还我不还
不还
过来,球还我
不给
别在我这儿闹事
给我！
那才叫好玩
摩妮卡，右脚红
本来我们是要玩大富翁的？
谢了
菲比，右手蓝
很好
瑞秋，信用卡人员打来的
好，愿意代替我吗？
我是瑞秋
不
我知道，我很久没用了
谢谢，我没事，真的
绿色的，到绿色那里
我有魔豆
不，当我没说
左转
我没事

huangcaian

105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent


[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.]
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
(Long pause.)
Ross: Multiple orgasms!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her.
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.
Ross: Tony?
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: That guy, he burns me up.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Monica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh.
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)
Angela: Hi, Joey.
Joey: My god, Angela.
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there?
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela.
Angela: (casually) Joey.
Joey: You look good.
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: You don't say.
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama.
Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
Rachel: Sure.
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what?
Joey: What?
Angela: We're just friends.
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Angela: What four of us?
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.]
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is...
Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us.
Joey: What?
Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww!
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Ross: Nuh-uh.
Chandler: Yuh-huh.
Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you want it to be dirty?
Ross: (sheepish) No.
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
Chandler: There you go.
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but he's...
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
(Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.)
Angela: Hey, Joey.
Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
Chandler: Here we go.
Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Chandler: What?
Janice: What?
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Chandler: That's great.
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
Chandler: That's it?
Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.
Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there.
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Woman: Comin' through. Move, move.
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
Rachel: What?
Woman: No suds, no save. Ok?
(Ross arrives.)
Ross: What's goin' on?
Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine.
Ross: Was your basket on top?
Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds.
Ross: So?
Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save.
Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my friend's machine.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry.
Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.
(Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.)
Rachel: What's that?
Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.
(Rachel starts to load her clothes.)
Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
Ross: Rach, have you never done this before?
Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.]
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where did you guys grow up?
Angela: Brooklyn Heights.
Bob: Cleveland.
Monica: How, how did that happen?
Joey: Oh my god.
Monica: What?
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Bob: Yep. Pretty much.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
Bob: Monica, Monica is great.
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he?
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Angela: Huh. That's nice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it.
[Scene: The laundromat.]
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Rachel: What uh-oh?
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Rachel: Come on, show me.
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Rachel: Oh, everything's pink.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)
Monica: Oh my god.
Joey: What?
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: Come on, they're close.
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not really true, is it?
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...
Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking?
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh!
Joey: Ow!
Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
[Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Angela.]
Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back.
(She leaves.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.
Chandler: I'm fine.
Phoebe: All right.
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes.
Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe.
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Chandler: How do you do that?
Phoebe: It's like a gift.
Chandler: We should always always break up together.
Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that.
[Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.]
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way.
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it.
Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules!
Woman: Let go!
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Rachel: I could not have done this without you.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Rachel: Are you sure?
Ross: No.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross has an icepack to his head.]
Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Does it still hurt?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
(Monica and Joey enter.)
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go?
Joey: Excellent.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Phoebe: That oughta do it.
End
  105 洗衣服


别再争好吗?
这又没什么大不了的
没什么大不了?
这简直是太神奇了
只不过是用手伸进去, 轻轻一碰
就把胸罩解开从袖子里抽出来
据我所知, 男生即使靠的再近也做不到
我说得对不对?
拜托，男生可以站着尿
我们行吗?我倒要试试看
知道什么最令我嫉妒?
女人随时都可以看自己的胸部
低头就看到
真搞不懂
你们怎么会有心工作
知道我搞不懂什么吗?
男人可以做许多下流的事
却能毫不在乎
多重高潮
了不起，周末夜
重要的夜晚，约会的夜晚
周末夜! 周末夜!
没有计划是吗?
一个都没有.
连和珍妮丝分手的打算都没有?
对…闭嘴
钱德，没有人喜欢分手
但你还是要做呀.
我知道很难.
我的意思是
你坐在她身旁而她却一无所知
最后你鼓起勇气
在这实在尴尬的时刻
当你将纸条拿给她•，
干嘛分手?
争气点，不再打电话就行了
如果愿意，我和你一起做
谢了，但这样她会认为
我们是联手来对付她
你和琼妮分手
我和东尼分手
东尼?你要和东尼分手?
对，我知道他人很好.
但是我对他再没新鲜感了.
我不知道问题是在于我
还是他的绝食抗议
还有人需要什么吗?
我，上星期
你做了有核果，巧克力之类的派
没事，我还好
怎么啦,怪怪的
是我爸
他要买奔驰敞篷车给我
那家伙真叫我生气
如果想要奔驰, 我就得搬回家.
太可恶了
他称我为”年轻的女士”
我最受不了我爸这样叫我
他是不是又说
你年纪太轻之类的话
对,这次是迪斯科加长版,
带着三重唱说”你永远不能自立”
嘿,乔伊
天呀,安琪拉.
被你甩掉对她大有好处
你想过去吗?
不想...想...不想
待会再说,我不想显得太急于见她了.
一个密西西比,两个密西西比,三个密西西比,这样显得比较酷
安琪拉
乔伊
你的样子真好.
因为我的衣服
突显出我的胸部
看得出来
瑞秋，你今晚有何节目?
精彩丰富
我要和摩妮卡去洗衣店
想知道有个巧合吗?
猜猜谁也要去洗衣店?
谁？
我
难道还不够清楚?
何不让我加入你们?
你的公寓没有洗衣间吗?
有，我的公寓有洗衣间
不过, 那儿有老鼠.
它们显然对
烘干机里的香香纸感兴趣
进入时还好
出来是却毛绒绒的
7点左右见?
好吧
免了，乔依
我现在和鲍伯交往
鲍伯?谁是鲍伯?
鲍伯简直是棒透了
聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
你每个月面识三次就称自己是演员
但是鲍伯
我们在一起时很开心
不只是寻欢作乐我们也聊得来
没错，不过抱歉
你曾说我们当朋友就好,
那么
什么?
我们只是朋友
行，我们四个何不一起出去吃晚饭?
就像朋友一样
哪四个?
你和鲍伯
我和我的女友…
摩妮卡
摩妮卡，他绝对适合你
算了吧
从你那会啧出字母块的表兄后
我再也不敢领教了
没骗你，他真的很棒
他叫鲍伯，安琪拉的哥哥
鲍伯简直是棒透了
聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
我呢?
我每个月面试三次就称自己是演员, 但是鲍勃...
我的天哪
什么?
丑陋的裸男在铺厨房磁砖
我在求你帮忙
如果我能为她哥哥做点事
或许她会回到我身旁
你是怎么了?
你和千百个女人约会
我知道
我犯了天大的错误
我不该和她分手
愿意帮我吗?求求你
好，再见
摩妮卡不能去了
现在只剩我和瑞秋
等等，老兄你确定自己仔细想过
只是去洗店没仔细想过
你是说只有你和瑞秋两个?
对
这叫约会，你们要去约会
不对
没错的.
你说我该怎么办?
该再刮刮胡子或挑瓶美酒?
或许你该再考虑
你那肮脏的内衣裤
为什么?
因为将她首度见到你的内衣裤
想让她看见
你那肮脏的内衣裤吗?
不想
还有衣物柔软精
我的熊宝贝又怎么了?
这代表我敏感, 贴心
就像一只毛绒绒的熊宝贝
好吧，我在路上买就是了
这才对路
谢谢，鲍伯长什么样?
到底是高还是矮?
是的
什么?
什么什么?
你没和鲍伯见过面，对不?
对，可是…
拜托，这家伙可能相当…
嘿,乔伊.
相当吸引人.我闭嘴就是了
他们在哪儿?
感觉真好，我们俩从未独处过
对，或许明天
我们可以租辆车撞几只小狗
我不想那样
她来了
祝你有个愉快的分手
珍妮丝
真高兴你打电话给我
我从来没这么悲惨的一天
不妙
能端杯浓缩咖啡和拿铁来吗?
我们刚在摄影小站拍了照
有几颗蔬菜的那个
总之那些蔬菜烂透了
我的整个下午就这样毁了
我去逛街购物
然后就为你买了…
让我找找…让我找找
我为你…
什么?
你帮我买什么?
我帮你买…这个
布文哥袜
真可爱
我知道你已有洛基
所以我想你可以穿一双布文哥
或穿一双洛基
或混着穿，随你高兴
我再去叫一杯浓缩咖啡
想再来一杯拿铁吗?
不用了，我的还没喝完
就这样?
对，真的很难
哦,是么, 那个拥抱看起来还真绝情呢
你又不是当事人!
借过，让开…
抱歉，我似乎用这台洗衣机
是吗?不过现在"似乎"不是了
但是我占位置了,
我放了篮子在上面.
抱歉，这是你的篮子吗?
对
真漂亮，但是我没看到肥皂水.
什么?
没肥皂水就不算保留，行吗?
怎么了?
没什么
这位凶婆娘抢了我的洗衣机
你有把篮子放上面吗?
有，但是没有肥皂水?
然后呢?
没肥皂水就不算保留
没肥皂水就不算保留
抱歉，等等
这是我朋友用的机器
她的东西没在里面
你明知规矩不是这样的
表演结束
没什么好看的
洗衣服吧
这简直是太神奇了
我连汤都不敢退
因为你是个即温柔, 又可爱的
你得用洗衣粉
那是什么?
乌伯怀斯，
来自德国的新产品
洗净力超强
瑞秋，你准备分开洗吗?
我像个洗衣大白痴
我得用一台洗衬衣
用另一台洗裤子吗?
你没洗过衣服?
没有，
但我认识这样洗过的人
好吧，被你发现了
我"第一次"衣服
别担心，我会用"轻柔"循环
你得用一台
洗你全部的白衣
白衣
另一台
洗其他颜色的衣服
其他颜色的衣服
第三台洗贴身…
胸罩和内裤之类的
这些棉质的白色内裤呢?
与白衣还是贴身衣物一起洗?
随便你罗
他好可爱
你们在哪儿长大?
布鲁克林
克里佛兰
怎么会这样?
哎哟.
我突然有种...坠落的感觉
但是没有.
你和安琪拉在一起?
差不多
你真幸运
知道我最想念她什么?
她轻啃东西的声音
好像是快乐的小松鼠
或是鼬
我倒是没注意过
以后注意听
摩妮卡，摩妮卡很好
没错，不过不会维持很久.
我心有余而力不足…
在床上
我得告诉你
鲍伯简直是太棒了
可不是吗
能遇上聪明幽默
心智年龄超过八岁的人真棒
知道吗?
他的床上更是一流
我哥从未告诉我
他何时失去童贞
真好
你能办到的
这就像是拔绷带一样
快速拔起露出伤口
快走
珍妮丝…
管他的
我想我们不该再交往下去了
珍妮丝
我知道了…
停下来,停下来....
我知道
这听起来很可笑
我想我可以洗衣服的话
我就没有办不到的事
我一点都不觉得可笑
太好了
就像卡罗尔离开后
我第一次动手做晚饭
抱歉，时间到
下集再来谈罗斯
怎么了?
衣服洗好了
这是一首歌
我们唱的一首洗衣歌
衣服洗好了
罗斯，到底怎么了?
没事, 衣服洗好了…
罗斯，快给我看…
好吧，你把一只红袜放到白色衣物里面了
所以白衣
全变成粉红色
全变成粉红色?
对，但红袜还是红袜
抱歉，千万别伤心
任何人都可能发生这种事
不，它只发生在我身上
我穿这些看来会像一只粉红猪
我爸说得对，我无法独立生活
我连洗衣服都不会
狗气球出了意外
他的头无法膨胀
于是他的头就落在百老汇
我心想这实在太不像话了
有东西跑进我眼睛
乔依，能到灯下帮我看看吗?
我的天呀!
怎么啦?
我们是坐在同一桌吗?
这太离谱了
拜托，他们姐弟感情很好
感情很好?
她舌头都伸进了他的耳朵
你和罗斯就不会有小动作?
乔伊，这是病态, 太恶心了
这不是真的，对不?
谁说是真的?
你到底在想什么?
好吧，我也不喜欢这样
或许有一点
我要走了
等等，你喜欢他
我要她，他喜欢你
真的?
没错.
我想只要我们一起想办法
就能让他们分开
真是抱歉没想到我会这样
你的故事让我笑得嘴巴合不拢
服务生，再来一盘鸡翅
珍妮丝
我们是不同类型的人
我的声音就好像丁丁丁
你的声音就好像梆梆梆
糟了，抱歉
你没事吧
没事，只是我的隐形眼镜
等会儿就没事了，
我马上回来
我打中她的眼睛
这是有史以来世上最糟糕的分手
我的天
你到底喝了几杯?
我也不知道
百万杯?
钱德，放轻松
快回到你的快乐天堂
我没事的…
不妙，她回来了
在这儿等着，深呼吸
你是怎么办到的?
我有天赋.
我们每次都应该一起"分手"
我乐意之至
你已把衣服洗净
现在是重要部份
大概吧
只是衣服都成了睡衣
抱歉，推车是我们的
是吗?
我的腰围也曾是一尺八
但是时过境迁
请让道.
抱歉，或许我没说清楚
这是我们的推车
这上面没有衣服
你又再乱编规矩了
放手
车是我的，我先看到的
好吧，想用这辆车
你就得推着我一起走
我赢了，看见没?
你真是太神奇了
各位，一位脱胎换骨的新女性
多亏了你我才能办到
烘干机里还有衣服?
我没事...没事
你确定没事?
嗯
还疼么?
真是聪明，衣服颜色都一样
我也要这么做
嘿,怎么样啦?
我们把那一对佳人掰成两半
一人一半
真是美丽动人的故事
我已经没事了.
钱德在哪儿?
他需要一点时间疗伤
我自由了…
他应该复原了

居士

so long ,i cannot understand it .