【原创】《水调歌头》英译

东写西读

One Moon, One Heart
(trans. Oct, 2008)

Drunk after sipping wine for the whole night on Mid-autumn Day in the Year Bingchen, I write this piece of verse, also for remembering my younger brother Ziyou.

On what days does the moon brightly shine?
Wine in my cup, wondering towards the sky.
What does the calender read in the heaven?
I wonder, staring at the moon high.

I intended to return to my moon palace,
which was decorated with jade bright.
But thinking of the high lonely place,
I tremble with my coat wrapped tight.

Drinking and dancing in the moonlight,
With my shadow as my partner.
I am living right on the earth, right?
but how I feel in my moon chamber.

The moon staring at the magnificent attic wall,
peeping through carvings-decorated window.
Into sound and sweet sleep I cannot fall,
with my perturbed head on the pillow.

The moon should remain partial to none,
no personal hatred should she bear.
But why tonight it becomes a full one?
Can't she feel parting sorrows in my nightmare?

Alas! Joy is always mingled with sorrow,
People get together and leave each other.
Wihtin a month the moon gradually grow ,
Dimmer and brighter, brighter and dimmer.

There are always people poles apart,
as in life no perfection is to be found.
Wish my brother enjoy a long life sound,
I bathe in the soft moonlight with you in my heart.

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附原文：

水调歌头
（宋）苏轼

丙辰中秋，欢饮达旦，大醉，作此篇，兼怀子由。
明月几时有？把酒问青天。不知天上宫阙，今夕是何年。我欲乘风归去，又恐琼楼玉宇，高处不胜寒。起舞弄清影，何似在人间？转朱阁，低绮户，照无眠。不应有恨，何事长向别时圆？人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全。但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。

emppp

来学习下，非常喜欢这首词。

coolfool

Not a bit bad.

One catch, at least. As the wine is used, do we know when we fellow countrymen started drinking wine? In the Song dynasty? I don't believe so.

东写西读

Thanks for your suggestions. Yeah, it should not be wine but
alcohol, though I was trying a way of domestic translation.

coolfool

First, alcohol is too strong a word here, I'm afraid, especially for the ancient Chinese. Second, the 酒 that appears either in the poems or in the articles written by our ancient writers in the land doesn't mean a particular sort of alcohol, if I don't get it all wrong, whereas the wine is. Third, I figure maybe drink, or drinking, is probably one of the words. Please see:

Merriam-Webster's Advanced Learner's Dictionary:

drinking: U n.
Ex: Drinking is not allowed in the park. [= you are not allowed to drink alcohol in the park]
Ex: a night of heavy drinking
oft. used before another noun
Ex: a drinking buddy/partner
Ex: [AmE] She has a drinking problem. [= (BrE) drink problem; she regularly drinks too much alcohol]
The drinking age [= the age at which a person can legally buy and drink alcohol] in the U.S. is 21.

drink:
1. C n. an alcoholic beverage
Ex: They went to the bar for a few drinks.
Ex: Can I get you another drink?
Ex: He poured himself a stiff drink. [= a strong alcoholic drink]
2. U n. the habit or practice of drinking a lot of alcohol
Ex: It was during this period that she took to drink. [= began drinking lots of alcohol]
Ex: The stress of the job drove him to drink. [= caused him to drink lots of alcohol]
Ex: [BrE] She has a drink problem. [= [AmE] drinking problem; she regularly drinks too much alcohol]

The problem is the same drink also means
n. pl. drinks
1. a liquid that you can drink, beverage
C n.
Ex: We serve coffee, tea, and other hot drinks.
U n.
Ex: Food and drink will be provided.

东写西读

Actually I was thinking about "drink" when the more commonly used word "alcohol" occurred to me. Yeah, drink may be the better equivalent for 酒 in the connotation. Thanks for your suggestion, again!

coolfool

When talking about something that happened to somebody in the Tang, we would most probably say or are used to saying what happened in the Tang dynasty. What about, then, the men and women that happened to live in the Tang dynasty? I'm afraid you should consider using reign, like in/during/under the reign of...

daxigua

直追许渊冲了，呵呵。
What does the calender read in the heaven? 的calender应该是calendar吧.
sipping wine for the whole night似乎不妥。

东写西读

[quote]引用第7楼daxigua于2011-04-18 20:41发表的

coolfool

I don't appreciate Xu's job. In my view, he doesn't translate poems. To be exact, he re-write the poems based on the ancient ones.

js888

楼主翻译的不错！

东写西读

[quote]引用第9楼coolfool于2011-04-19 14:48发表的

coolfool

引用第11楼东写西读于2011-04-19 16:33发表的 :

许氏倡导音美、意美、形美，当然会对原文做一定改写，不忠实的地方也比较多。但就整体来说，许氏的译诗可读性很强。

Can't agree with you more. But they are not translation.

brianleeeee

Shui Diao Ge Tou


Su Shi

On the Mid-autumn Festival of the year Bingchen I drank happily till dawn and wrote this in my cups while thinking of Ziyou.

Bright moon, when was your birth?

Winecup in hand, I ask the deep blue sky;

Not knowing what year it is tonight

In those celestial palaces on high.

I long to fly back on the wind,

Yet dread those crystal towers, those courts of jade,

Freezing to death among those icy heights!

Instead I rise to dance with my pale shadow;

Better off, after all, in the world of men.



Rounding the red pavilion,

Stooping to look through gauze windows,

She shines on the sleepless.

The moon should know no sadness;

Why, then, is she always full when dear ones are parted?

For men the grief of parting, joy of reunion,

Just as the moon wanes and waxes, is bright or dim;

Always some flaw — and so it has been since of old,

My one wish for you, then, is long life

And a share in this loveliness far, far away!





古诗苑汉英译丛 宋词：汉英对照

杨宪益 戴乃迭 英译

外文出版社

2001年1月第1版

2001年1月第1次印刷

brianleeeee

SU SHI (1037-1101)

THE MIDAUTUMN FESTIVAL

Tune: “PRELUDE TO WATER MELODY”

How long will the full moon appear?
Wine cup in hand, I ask the sky.
I do not know what time of year
'T would be tonight in the palace on high.
Riding the wind, there I would fly,
Yet I'm afraid the crystalline palace would be
Too high and cold for me.
I rise and dance, with my shadow I play.
On high as on earth, would it be as gay?

The moon goes round the mansions red

Through gauze-draped windows soft to shed

Her light upon the sleepless bed.

Against man she should have no spite.

Why then when people part, is she oft full and bright?

Men have sorrow and joy; they part or meet again;

The moon is bright or dim and she may wax or wane.

There has been nothing perfect since the olden days.

So let us wish that man

Will live long as he can!

Though miles apart, we’ll share the beauty she displays.

唐宋词一百五十首

许渊冲 译

北京大学出版社

1990年9月第一版

1998年3月第五次印刷

brianleeeee

    Tune: “Prefude to the Melody of Water”

    Su Shi

On the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival of 1076, I drank happily till dawn and wrote this in my cups while thinking of Ziyou.

How long will the bright moon appear?
Wine-cup in hand, I ask the sky.
I do not know what time of year

It would be tonight in the palace on high.
Riding the wind, there I would fly，[sub]
[/sub]Yet I fear the crystal palace would be
Far too high and cold for me.
I rise and dance, with my shadow I play.
On high as on earth, would it be as gay?

The moon goes round the mansion red

Through gauze-draped windows soft to shed

Her light upon the sleepless bed.

Against man she should have no spite.

Why then when people part is she oft full and bright?

Men have sorrow and joy, they part or meet again;

The moon may be bright or dim, she may wax or wane.

There has been nothing perfect since the olden days.

So let us wish that man

Will live long as he can!

Though miles apart, we'll share the beauty she displays.

最爱唐宋词

许渊冲 译

中国对外翻译出版公司

2006年4月第1版

2006年4月第1次印刷

brianleeeee

很喜欢邓丽君唱的这首词！！！

daxigua

有四种诠释方式了，东写西读的，brianleeeee斑竹提供的杨戴、许、邓。大家比较比较。谁最大程度保留了苏轼的原味？谁又往苏轼的原味中增加了别的韵味？大家都来评评。