写给一位好友

白马西北驰

Tonight I Want to Pray
---written for a friend


From a few words you said
I know your words are good
I’d like say something
Echoing yours and
Echoing the vast world
And the vast night sky---
Tonight I want to pray


Under the grand Orion ---
The survivor of the stars---
Admiring his primitive power
Which spreading a sense
Of dignity and fortitude
Throughout the night world,
Now I want to pray.


I do believe that there must be
A healing fountain somewhere
In this world, which brings
Hope to those who just come
Bless to those who have to go
And brings the warmth
Of spring back to us,
Shoulder to shoulder with you
My friend---
Let us pray for all these tonight.

桃子

很不错，"Shoulder to shoulder with you "改成"shoulder by shoulder with you ."是不是好些？

From a few words you said
I know your words are good "

这句翻译成中文是：

从你的寥寥数语中
我知道……？
感觉有点怪

adam310

桃版又挑了个语法的毛病哦。呵呵

adam310

这是给天使MM的祈祷吗？

adam310

tao版，哪里如果翻译成“我觉得你是对的”呢？

白马西北驰

引用第1楼zhiyongtao于2009-02-12 21:24发表的 :
很不错，"Shoulder to shoulder with you "改成"shoulder by shoulder with you ."是不是好些？


这句翻译成中文是：

.......

禀智版，这句不能算错：
LDOCE



公交车上构思的，比较粗糙，先贴上吧。

桃子

引用第4楼adam310于2009-02-12 21:31发表的 :
tao版，哪里如果翻译成“我觉得你是对的”呢？

”对的”是right，不是good

桃子

引用第5楼白马西北驰于2009-02-12 21:36发表的 :


禀智版，这句不能算错：
LDOCE

.......

哦，我自己凭感觉的，呵呵。

nonever

I’d like say something
Echoing yours and
Echoing the vast world
And the vast night sky---
Tonight I want to pray

would like to do？
这里应该是表目的 表目的应该用不定式
而前面应该用to 所以这里应该省to不定式
Tonight I want to pray
前面说 I'd like to say something
而这里又变“今晚我想祈祷” 这是什么意思

祈祷应该是“我”所想说的东西
而这里应该有联系 应构成从句 而不是独立成为句子



Under the grand Orion ---
The survivor of the stars---
这两句作为状语吧
Admiring his primitive power
后面从句先不看，动名词不能构成句子
Which spreading a sense
Of dignity and fortitude
从句依旧不对，没有动词，动名词不能单独存在
Throughout the night world,
Now I want to pray.
night world？中式英语 night of world！

I do believe that there must be
A healing fountain somewhere
In this world, which brings
Hope to those who just come
从句在主句前，主句与从句用逗号隔开
主句在从句前，两个之间不加符号
Bless to those who have to go
who 第三人称 come该为 comes
have 改为 has 后面brings 正确
两个并列的 bless 和 前面的brings 应该是并列关系
故加连接词 and 改bless 为blesses
And brings the warmth
Of spring back to us,
Shoulder to shoulder with you
My friend---
想当然的中式英语 主语在哪里 谓语呢？
符号乱七八糟 前面打逗号，这里是状语？
状语可以，但是意思是说不通的
Let us pray for all these tonight.
let us 和 lets 区别在于 let us 不包含自己！


另外意思上，有些空泛的感觉。
说到最后我也没明白你究竟在为什么而祈祷。
是为了那个猎户座还是那个温泉，哦，是喷泉？
你的朋友和你一起，最后他什么也没做，依旧是你一个人在祈祷。