汉译英的误区

tycoon

误区之一：一句子中出现过多的动词。一句完整的英语句子只容许有一个动词。违反这个原则就犯了英文大忌。例如：
　　原文： 幼儿园老师这个职业需要从业者具备良好的素质，其中最主要的莫过于“耐心”二字。
　　错： The career of kindergarten-teachers needs the employed have good qualities, among them, nothing is more important than patience. (三个动词)
　　对： Patience is the most important quality necessary for a kindergarten teacher. （变三个动词为一个动词is）
　　对： Of all the good qualities a kindergarten teacher must have, patience comes first. （“must have”置于从句中，comes就变成了主句里的惟一一个动词）
　　
　　原文： 这个城市每平方公里有11,000人之多。
　　错： There are more than 11,000 people live in one square kilometer. (两个动词)
　　对： There are more than 11,000 people in one square kilometer. (省略“live”)
　　对： More than 11,000 people live in one square kilometer. (省略“are”)
　　
　　原文： 我公司是摩斯伦国际会计组织成员之一，拥有遍布全球的业务网络。
　　错： Our company is one of the International Accountant Organization of Moores?members, own the global business network of spread all over the world.
　　(这个句子中出现了两个动词，若加上 spread，变成了三个动词。按照英语句子只容许有一个动词这个规则，我们必须将其他动词转化为名词，或转译成从句。)
　　对： Our company is a member of Moores Rowland International, owning a global network.
　　对： Our company is a member of Moores Rowland International with a global network.
　　对： A member of Moores Rowland International, our firm has a network of affiliates throughout the world.
　　
　　误区之二：滥用定冠词“the”。定冠词一般是有所指的，假如是前文中没有提到过的人或事物，是不能冠之以“the”的。例如：
　　原文： 亚洲国家必须为防止金融危机的发生，以及一旦发生危机防止其扩散而共同努力。
　　错： The Asian countries must make joint efforts to avoid the financial crisis.
　　 (句中的“亚洲国家”和“金融危机”均为泛指，而不是特指某一个具体国家或某一次具体危机，因此句首的“the” 应该删除。)
　　对： Asian countries must make joint efforts to avoid financial crises.
　　对： Asian countries should work together to help prevent financial crises from occurring and to keep them from spreading if they do.
　　
　　原文： 这个全球网络将监督国际金融政策，监控有风险的行为。
　　错： The global network will supervise the international financial policies and control the risky actions.
　　对： The global network will supervise international financial policies and control risky actions.
　　 (supervise和contrd均为动词，有and连接就不会出问题了。)
　　
　　原文： 他们……所学的多偏重语法和阅读。
　　错： They paid too much attention to the grammar and reading.
　　 （原文把语法当作是一个很笼统的概念，不是特指语法的某一方面，所以不能加the。)
　　对： The paid too much attention to grammar and reading.
　　对： Their emphasis has been on grammar and reading.
　　
　　误区之三：滥用大词。大词不是不能用，关键是要看场合，看是不是用得正确。用错了反而让人笑话。例如：
　　原文： 今晚打乒乓我不能奉陪。我有外地客人来访。
　　错： I'm sorry I can't play pingpong with you tonight. An endemic guest will come to see me tonight.
　　 (请记住endemic是“某个地方特有的”意思，英语中根本不存在endemic guest 这种说法，即使有这种表达方式，约熟人打乒乓，又不是约大牌学者或教授上国际会议做报告，没有必要大耍GRE词汇。在日常生活的交流中，还是多用简单的口语化词汇较好。)
　　对： I'm sorry I can't play pingpong with you tonight. I have some visitors from out of town.
　　
　　原文： 韩国人认为，人的一生当中念书受教育是最重要的；他们不仅为读书而读书，同时他们也想借助读书来提高他们的社会和物质地位。
错： Most Korean believe that the education is important during a person's life; so they're reading not only for getting knowledge but also for promoting their social and economical ranks.
　　 （我们撇开其他语病不谈，getting knowledge不符合习惯用语，完全可以用“小词”learn代替；中国学生往往把“学知识”说成“learn knowledge”。殊不知，learn就是“学知识”，把knowledge和learn放在一起纯属多此一举。）
　　对： Considering education the top priority in life, Koreans go to school not only to learn, but also to advance their social and material status.
　　对： Koreans consider education one of the most important things in life, both for its own sake and to better their material and social positions.
　　
　　原文： 以前华人家族企业不怎么信任外人，于是家里只要缺几个儿子就无法使企业扩展分支。
　　错： It's once the John Chinamen's family business owners just believed their consanguinities that resulted in that the lack of sons makes the extanding of the business impossible.
　　 (译者使用了英文大文豪级别的词汇“consanguinity血亲，血缘”，配以一个错误百出的句型，给人一种很强烈的反差效果。这个现象在中国学生和学者当中屡见不鲜。我建议把更多“遣词”的功夫和时间花在“造句”上。“遣词” 要下一个台阶，“造句”要上一个台阶。)
　　对： Some Chinese family-based enterprises did not trust outsiders too much, so they could not branch out if they did not have enough sons in the family.
　　
　　误区之四：不加思索地使用过去完成时。过去完成时必须是建立在过去已经发生的事情之上；没有过去，就没有过去的过去。这个道理实际上很简单，但就有人把过去当作过去的过去。例如：他昨天去了公园，是昨天发生的事，就是过去式，He went to a park yesterday；我们不能说He had gone to a park yesterday。但是，倘若他昨天是在看电影之前去了公园，那么“去公园”就变成了过去的过去：He had gone to a park before he went for the movie.
　　原文： 她跟外公外婆住了八年，老人家们有着说不完的故事、迷信和民间的传说。
　　错： She had lived with her maternal grandfather and grandmother for eight years. The old always have endless stories to say such as superstition and legend.
　　 (原文中说“她跟外公外婆住了八年”，但没有进一步的信息显示“她”现在是否还和他们住在一起，因此我们可以有两种理解，从而得到两种译文。）
　　1、“她”现在依然还和他们住在一起，那么就可以使用现在完成时，表示过去某一事件状态一直延续到现在。She has lived with her grandparents for eight years.
　　如果要着重强调“现在依然”这层意思的话，可以使用现在完成进行时，She has been living with her grandparents for eight years.现在完成进行时和现在完成时没有太大的区别，只是强调动作现在还在继续。一般可以互换。
　　2、“她”现在没有和他们住在一起。那么“她跟外公外婆住了八年”就是一个存在过去的和现在没有什么关系的状态，理所当然要使用一般过去时。
　　对： She has been living with her grandparents for eight years. The two old folks have endless stories, superstitions and folk legends to tell.
　　对： She spent eight years at her maternal grandparents?home, listening to their nonstop stories, supersti-tions, and folklores.
　　
　　原文： 你为此项目所做的贡献是有目共睹的。
　　错： Contributions that you had done for this project is obvious to all.
　　 (首先Contributions不跟动词do搭配，而是跟make 搭配；在这里过去式，现在式，现在正在进行式，现在完成式都是可行的，惟独过去完成式不适合。)
　　对： The contribution you have made to the project is there for all to see.
　　对： Your contribution to the project did not go unnoticed.
　　
　　误区之五：违反习语的固定搭配，用洋泾浜英文取而代之。例如：
　　原文： 他暗暗提醒自己不到万不得已决不撒这个谎。
　　错： He made up his mind that he would not tell it (指 lie) out unless he had to do so. （tell a lie 是习语；tell it out是洋泾浜，不能使用）
　　对： He made up his mind that he would not tell it unless he had to.
　　
　　原文： 我们今天领带打五折。
　　错： These ties have 50 percent off.
　　对： These ties are 50 percent off.
　　
　　误区之六：累赘的词汇堆积，繁琐的表达方式。例如：
　　原文： 我们在推进核材料的安全和保护方面取得巨大进展。如果没有同俄罗斯的伙伴关系，这些进展是不可能的。
　　错： We have made a rapid development in the way of advancing security and safeguard(ing) against nuclear materials, which are (is) impossible without entering the partnership with Russia.(变色部分可以精简或干脆删除。)
　对： We have made rapid progress in safeguarding nuclear materials, which is impossible without the partnership of Russia.
　　
　　误区之七：抽象名词严重匮乏。英语重抽象；中文多具体。中国人用抽象名词的实例少得可怜，这和中国文化和语言特点有关。英美人讲“quality of life”（抽象），中国人则讲 “油盐酱醋”(具体)；英美人说“lack of qualification; inadequacy; incompetency; pretence”(抽象)，中国人则讲 “滥竽充数”(具体、历史典故)；英美人说“Japanese atrocities”（抽象），中国人则讲“日本鬼子烧杀抢掠、无恶不作”（具体、四字格），凡此种种不一而足。 例如：
　　原文： 我公司力求协助客户实现利润和增长。
　　错： Our company was engaged in assisting the clients making their profits and growing.
　　 (engaged in assisting 的后面应该跟in...，即 engaged in assisting our clients in their efforts to make a profit and to grow ；或跟不定式 to...表示目的，即 engaged in assisting our clients to make profits and to grow.请留意译者所用的是具体名词profit。)
　　可行： We do our best to help customers realize their profit and grow.
　　 (译者所用的具体名词profit本身没错。由于受中文影响，参赛者千篇一律选择了看得见摸得着的 profit 一词，没有人敢用抽象名词 profitability。)
　　对： Our company works to help our clients to achieve profitability and growth.
　　
　　原文： 身为人父才能领略当父亲的喜乐。
　　错： One can appreciate the taste of being a father unless he is a father.
　　 (正确的说法应该是“One cannot appreciate... unless...”。请留意译者所用的具体名词father。)
　　可行： Only a father can taste the joy of being a father.
　　 (请留意译者所用的具体名词father；在短短的一句话里连续用了两次，显得有点罗嗦。)
　　可行： The joy of being a father is beyond the comprehension of childless men.
　　 (译者改用childless men，还是一个具体名词)
　　对： Only fathers know the joys of fatherhood.
　　 (抽象名词fatherhood不算太难，难的是学以致用。)
　　
　　误区之八：严重失衡的非平行结构。在英语中，两个或两个以上相等的概念在词性上应该是对等的，名词对名词，动词对动词，介词结构对介词结构，不定式对不定式，依此类推。例如：This was not a problem for farmers or urban dwellers. 其中farmers和urban dwellers均为名词，是平行结构；而This was not a problem for farmers or those who live in urban areas 中，加粗部分一个是名词，一个是定语从句，属非平行结构，是不足取的。
　　原文： 每个人都有权过上体面的生活，既无贫困又无饥饿。
　　错： Everyone has the right to live a decent life without poverty or hungry.(“Poverty”是名词而“hungry”是形容词，属非平行结构。)
　　对： Everyone has a right to a dignified life free from poverty and starvation.
　　
　　原文： 红灯代表刹车；绿灯代表起步。
　　错： The red light signals traffic to stop while the green one means proceeding. (“To stop”是不定式而“proceeding”是动名词; 不是平行结构。)
　　对： Red light stands for braking；green light stands for going.
　　 (“Braking”和“going”是平行结构。)
　　对： A red light means stop; a green light, go.
　　 (“Stop”和“go”是平行结构。)
　　
　　原文： 吸烟每天导致死亡的人数比爱滋病、酗酒、车祸、谋杀、自杀、吸毒及火灾加在一起导致死亡的人数还要多。
　　错： The number of death from smoking is far bigger than the sum of death caused by AIDS, drinking heavily, traffic accident, murder-ing, suicidal, drug abuse and accidents caused by fire.
　　 (除了名词之外，译者错误地动用了动名词、形容词、从句等非平行结构。)
　　对： Smoking kills more people every day than AIDS, alcohol, car accidents, murders, suicides, drugs and fires combined.
　　(译者使用名词平行结构，一气呵成。)