Jokes about Mark Twain

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Jokes about Mark Twain

A spider in the paper


When Mark Twain edited a newspaper, one of his subscribers wrote him that he had found a spider in his paper and wished to know whether it meant good luck or bad.

Twain replied: \"Finding a spider in your paper is neither good luck nor bad. The spider was only looking over our paper to see which merchant was not advertising so that he could go to that shop, spin his web across the door and lead a life of undisturbed peace ever afterwards.



He prefers

Mark Twain, as you know, was famous in his day as a public speaker. In his public speeches he always liked to tell funny stories.

He also liked to listen to funny stories and to play jokes on his friends. One day one of his friends lost his wallet and asked Mark Twain to pay his train fare for him.

\"But I don't have enough money to pay both your fare and my fare,\" Mark Twain said. The friend didn't know what to do.

\"We can do this,\" said Mark Twain. \"We can get on the train and when the conductor comes to check the ticket, you can hide under my seat.\"

Later, however, when the conductor came to check the tickets, Mark Twain gave him two tickets - one for himself and one for his friend. Then he explained in loud voice, \"My friend here is a strange man. When he travels on a train, he does not like to sit on the seat. He prefers to lie on the floor under the seat.\" Of course, everyone in the train looked at the poor friend under the seat and laughed at him.



But I must find it

The famous American writer Mark Twain was well-known for his absent-mindedness. One day, when he was riding in a train, the conductor asked him for his ticket. Mark Twain looked for the ticket in all his pockets, but he didn't find it.

At last, the conductor knew the writer, so he said: \"It doesn't really matter. Show me your ticket on your way back. And if you don't find it, there is no trouble.\"

\"Oh, but I must find the damned thing, otherwise how will I know where I'm going?\"