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发表于 2007-10-27 23:32:30
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引用第2楼涂于德于2007-10-21 19:03发表的 :
十六大以来我国教育事业着力抓好八项工作, 五是大力加强教师队伍建设，不断提高教师特别是农村教师队伍整体水平。通过采取有力措施，保障教师的政治地位、社会地位、职业地位，不断改善教师的工作、学习、生活条件，高度重视教师培养培训，大张旗鼓地表彰优秀教师。
十七大更是教育利好消息不断！“把‘优先发展教育，建设人力资源强国’、‘教育是民族振兴的基石，教育公平是社会公平的重要基础’写入十七大报告，让大家感到特别振奋！
园地里也有很多辛勤奉献的教育工作者，您辛苦了！
早些时候写的一篇为老师写的稿子“绿叶的事业”，求教于园友：
.......
点评一下，见笑了。
The Career of a Green Leaf
----Write for teachers
此处应为writing吧，write不能做名词
Without aims, one’s life is blind. Without struggle, one can never achieve great achievements. Without love, one is in dark. A teacher is kind of person who aims at enormous achievements and is never stingy at sharing his love with his students. The twenty-third Teachers’ Day has come. We can’t help saying the following lines to our teachers:
achieve great achievements重复罗嗦了，建议achieve改为make。A teacher后面的is kind of person who多余。Has come改为is coming。
Every day you go to sleep later than 12 p.m. and get up before 6 a.m. You have your own child, however, you have no time to take care of him (her). Classroom ---- Office ---- Dining room, there’s hardly any time left for you to cook for the family. It often happens, after having the remains of the lunch meal, your own child goes to attend evening reading. But you always make sure every student has a good meal. As the students are far from home, you act like mother and father!
请问这一段的you是指第一最后的our teachers吗？是的话， Child、him、her、mother、father都应改成复数。after having the remains of the lunch meal, your own child goes to attend evening reading，吃完午餐去晚读？but这一句说老师总要确信学生吃得好，有点不确实际吧。
People often say, if a teacher wants to give students a bowl of water, he (she) needs at least a bucket of water. Factually, that’s far richer than a bucket of water! You yourself are a running stream, even a river! You are skillful to pass on unbelievable wonderful methods to your students so that you are sure your students have known the way to fetch water and that they have also become a scream or a river! You are not “a mountain to recite texts (having too much reciting burden for students)”, and you are never “the sea to do exercises (having too much homework)”! So as to avoid becoming “the mountain” or “the sea”, no one knows how much work you have done quietly and industriously. No one has any idea how much time and energy is spent dealing with school daily trivialities!
Factually改为Actually。Richer改为more。这里的water是指知识吧，老师传授知识，但后面的比喻恰当否？即老师自己是知识的小溪、河流，最后学生也获取知识变成知识的小溪或河流。Homework已经包括reciting texts了吧，老师布置作业，并不是“老师是(you are)作业（sea）”，去掉avoid后面的becoming。最后一句强调太过了（no one，any），令人觉得夸张了点，整篇文章也有这种感觉。
In eyes of school authorities, you are one of able staff; in the students’ mind, you are an excellent kind-hearted mother and a stern father; to your dear parents, you are a good child. Seeing big smiles on your face, no one believes that you have borne too much burden, pressure and responsibility! When you fall ill, even you have been sick for months and years, you can hardly spare any time to go to see a doctor! When your child begs you to attend the school parents’ meeting, you, a teacher, have to ask other family members to go instead of you! What’s more, the moment your parent is passing away, you have no chance to see him/ her for the last time!
in the students’ mind改为in the mind of the students. Mother/father/child的单复数问题。为什么开家长会就要当老师的家属去呢？最后一句的论据也不普遍。
Feelings are on the left side while love is on the right, and you are walking in the middle of the road! Every day you sow or plant, you go all out to cultivate your young students, without wishing for any repayment!
第一句不明白要表达什么内容。Every day you sow or plan / and look after可删掉。Without改为not。
Though in most cases there’re no signs left in the sky, we know, you have flown across in the sky for your kids!
这句如何理解？绿叶在天上飞过？for kids什么呢？
The career of flowers is nice. The fruits are sweet and noble. You, indeed, are willing to be a green leaf. You simply remember one sentence: green leaves can set off red flowers and highlight the beauty!
删掉Red。
总的来说，描写一群踏踏实实的奉献者，要平实的语言为好，不宜用空洞、夸张、过于肯定或否定的议论。最好用例子来说明。论据除了真实外，也要能阐述主题。 |
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