黄卫峰： 中国军事博物馆解说词中的翻译问题

白马西北驰

http://www.acriticism.com/article.asp?Newsid=9065&type=1008
[做翻译工作的书友可以参考一下。]

黄卫峰： 中国军事博物馆解说词中的翻译问题
时间:2007年8月14日 作者：黄卫峰（北京外国语大学博士后研究人员） 来源:学术批评网

今年是中国人民解放军建军八十周年。为展现建国以来国防和军队建设成就，中国军事博物馆在建军节期间举行了主题为“我们的队伍向太阳”的大型军事展览。由于门票免费，每天参观的人群络绎不绝，其中不少是外国人士。
展览馆各分馆的前言介绍和图片解说在中文基础上都配上了英文。应该说，绝大多数译文质量都是不错的。但笔者发现，其中也存在不少问题。其中“中国人民解放军对外交往友谊馆”（简称“礼品馆”）的“前言”英文版问题最为严重，短短的三段里竟然存在多处错误。明年北京就要举办奥运会，届时前来参观的外国游客将会更多，而这些展品又都属于基本陈列（即永久性展品），其中的问题如不纠正，影响会更大。因此笔者不揣冒昧，将其中的一些问题提出来，希望引起有关部门重视。
            
一、拼写错误问题

1、一个比较普遍的错误是将“前言”的英文Foreword误写成Forward（向前）。该错误在多个展览馆的“前言”中出现。

2、“中国人民解放军对外交往友谊馆”（简称“礼品馆”）的“前言”英文版中存在下列拼写错误：neatry（应改为nearly），Arny (应改为Army)。

3、In 1894, the Japanese militarists launched the long premeditated war of
aggressing against China. 这句话中的aggressing应改为aggression。该问题多次出现。

4、Some of them unleashed large scale wars of aggressing against China in dependently
or jointly, and thus created a critical situation of carving up China for a time.
问题：这句话中出现了上句同样的拼写错误，即aggressing应改为aggression。此外，
in dependently应合并为一个单词。

此外，单词转行普遍不符合英语习惯，给理解带来困难。如“中国人民解放军对外交往友谊馆”（简称“礼品馆”）的“前言”英文版中就存在下列单词转行问题：arra-nged，c-haracteristics，
c-ulture，The-se，exhibite-d，Ch-inese，for-ces。

二、重复问题

“中国人民解放军对外交往友谊馆”（简称“礼品馆”）的“前言”英文版中第三段存在明显的重复问题：These valuable souvenirs and gifts are exhibited here with a valuable
souvenirs and gifts are exhibited here with a view to further promoting
friendly contacts and cultural exchanges between the Chinese People’s Liberation
Arny [应为Army] and the armed forces of other countries. 这句话中，with a
valuable souvenirs and gifts are exhibited here应该删掉。
            
三、值得商榷的表达问题

1. 原文：中国人民解放军对外交往友谊馆（简称“礼品馆”）展出的500余件礼品，来自世界五大洲近百个国家，是从数千件礼品中遴选出来的。
译文：The Foreign Exchange and Friendship Hall of the Chinese People’s Liberation
Army boasts of more than 500 exhibits, which are the selection from thousands
of souvenirs and gifts of neatry 100 countries in the world.
问题：除了拼写问题外（前面已经指出，这里不再重复），还存在其他问题。首先，动词boast用法不当。短语动词boast of / about的主体一般是人，带有贬义色彩，意思是“夸耀，吹嘘”，如He is always boasting about his children.“他总是夸耀自己的孩子。”boast也可以用作及物动词，其主体表物，意思是“某事物以拥有……而自豪”，这种情况下不带贬义色彩。这里根据上下文应该属于第二种用法，建议将boasts of more than 500 exhibits改为boasts more than 500 exhibits。第二，which are the selection改为which are selected更符合英语表达习惯。

2、原文：礼品按洲际分区陈列，力求突出各洲礼品的特色，突出重点礼品和精品；从不同视角反映各个国家的民族风情、工艺美术风格、和军事文化特点。
译文：The exhibits are classified by Continent and arranged in such a way as to
give prominence to the characteristics, elegance and important displays of
different Continents, and shed light on the national customs, arts and crafts as well as military culture of each nation.
问题：译文与原文在意思上有出入。原文突出的是“各洲礼品的特色”，在译文中容易被误解为“各洲的特色”。“精品”被翻译成elegance也不恰当。后半句的处理也存在表达累赘、意思有出入等问题。建议译为The exhibits are classified by continents and arranged in such a way as to give prominence to their respective characteristics as well as the important and fine works of different continents, and to shed light on the customs,
artistic styles and military features of each nation.

3、原文：1917年8月—1918年5月，孙中山反对北洋军阀段祺瑞废弃国会和《中华民国临时约法》而发动和领导护法战争，又称“南北战争”。是役，广州革命政府因依靠西南军阀作战而导致失败。
译文：From August, 1917 to May, 1918, Sun Yat-sen launched and led the War
of Constitution Protection in opposition to the abolishment of the Congress and
the repeal of the Interim Constitution of the Republic of China, which war was
also referred to as the North-South War, during which the Guangzhou
Revolutionary Government reliance upon the Southwestern Warlords for operations led to failure of the war.
问题：从语法上来说，定语从句which war中的war多余；the Guangzhou Revolutionary
Government reliance应改为the Guangzhou Revolutionary Government’s reliance；failure
of the wary应改为 the failure of the war，而且the war与前面的which重复。从结构上来说，把两个定语从句安排在一起，给人一种别扭感。另外，译文漏掉了信息“北洋军阀段祺瑞”。根据上下文，建议全句改为：From August, 1917 to May, 1918, in opposition to the abolishment of the Congress and the repeal of the Interim Constitution of the Republic of China by the Northern Warlord Duan Qirui, Sun Yat-sen launched and led the War of Constitution Protection (also known as the North-South War), in which the Guangzhou Revolutionary Government suffered a defeat due to its reliance upon the Southwestern Warlords for operations.

4、原文：1915年底，袁世凯复辟称帝，蔡锷等为维护共和制度，在滇、黔、湘、桂等省发动武装讨袁的护国战争，并成立对抗北洋政府的军务院。1916年，袁世凯在全国民众的愤怒声讨中死去，护国战争胜利结束。
译文：Towards the end of the year 1915, Yuan Shikai restored feudal monarchy
and proclaimed himself emperor. In order to safeguard the republican system
of government, Cai E staged the Republic Protection War in Yuannan, Guizhou, Hunan and Guangxi provinces with a view to punitive wars in arms against Yuan Shikai, and established the Council of Military Affairs in opposition to the Beiyang
Government. And in 1916, Yuan Shikai died amidst the indignant condemnation of the whole country, and the War to Safeguard the Republic came off with victory.
问题：译文存在多处需改进之处。首先，the republican system of government中的of
government属于累赘，“共和制”当然是一种政府制度。其次，with a view to punitive wars in arms against Yuan Shikai不仅语意重复，而且存在搭配问题。第三，习语come off本身表示“成功”、“达到预期效果”之意，with victory多余。因此，建议全句改为：Towards the end of the year 1915, Yuan Shikai restored feudal monarchy and proclaimed himself emperor. Against this and in order to safeguard the republican system, Cai E staged the Republic Protection War in Yuannan, Guizhou, Hunan and Guangxi provinces, and established the Council of Military Affairs in opposition to the Beiyang Government. In 1916, Yuan Shikai died amidst the indignant condemnation of the whole country, marking the victory of the War.

5、原文：1913年，以孙中山为首的革命党人，在江西、江苏、上海等地发动反对袁世凯专治统治的革命战争。又称“二次革命”、“癸丑之役”。战争结果：资产阶级革命派失败，北洋军阀开始全国性的专制统治。
译文：In 1913, revolutionaries led by Sun Yat-sen launched revolutionary wars
against the dictatorial rule of Yuan Shikai in Jiangxi, Jiangsu and Shanghai,
etc, which wars were generally referred to as the Second Revolution or the
1913 Campaign, with the result that the revolutionary wars were met with failure and the Northern Army Warlords began dictatorial rule over the whole country.
问题：从语意上来说，revolutionaries led by Sun Yat-sen launched revolutionary wars 中的revolutionary属于表达累赘。从语法上来说，which wars中的wars为多余；the
revolutionary wars were met with failure存在语态错误。“北洋军阀”的译文the
Northern Army Warlords中的Army显然多余。建议全句改为：In 1913, the revolutionaries led by Sun Yat-sen launched wars against the dictatorship of Yuan Shikai in Jiangxi, Jiangsu and Shanghai, etc, which were generally referred to as the Second Revolution or the 1913 Campaign, with the result that the revolutionary wars met with failure and the Northern Warlords began dictatorial rule over the
whole country.

6、原文：中国爱国官兵和人民群众誓死抗击侵略者，北洋海军全军覆没，清政府被迫接受丧权辱国的《马关条约》。
译文：The Chinese patriotic soldiers and civilians pledged to fight to the death
in resisting the aggressors. As a result, however, the Northern Navy was
destroyed completely, and the Qing Government was forced to accept the
humiliating Treaty of Shimonoseki.
问题：从英语表达习惯上来说，fight to the death应去掉定冠词the，即改为fight to death。事实上，“誓死”还有一个更为简洁的表达法，即pledge one’s life。而且fight to the death与in resisting the aggressors存在语意重复问题。As a result表示“顺承关系”，而however表示“转折关系”，把这两个表达方式放在一起，明显自相矛盾。而且，使用as a result作过渡词不恰当，因为其暗示“北洋海军全军覆没是理所当然的事情”。这既不符合译者的立场，也不符合国人的情感。因此建议译文改为：The patriotic Chinese soldiers and civilians pledged to fight the aggressors to death. Unfortunately, the Northern Navy was destroyed completely, and the Qing Government was forced to accept the humiliating Treaty of Shimonoseki.

7、原文：1884年，法国以越南为基地，发动对华战争。在东南沿海战场，由于清政府妥协求和，福建水师在马江海战中惨遭覆灭；在南部陆路战场，清军老将冯子材率军浴血死战，取得镇南关——谅山大捷。
译文：In 1884, having its base in Vietnam, France waged war upon China. In the
theatre of southeast coast, the Navy of Fujian Province came to a disastrous defeat in the Naval battle of Majiang Sea, due to the Qing’s policy of compromise for
peace, while in the land theatre in the south, an aged general of the Qing army,
Feng Zicai led his troops to fight out in a bloody battle and won the great victory
of Zhennan Pass and Liangshan mountain.
问题：这段译文有多处问题。首先，having its base in Vietnam, France waged war upon China与原文在语意重心上有出入，建议改为France waged a war upon China from its base in Vietnam。第二，按照英语大写习惯，the Naval battle of Majiang Sea是专有名词，其中的battle第一个字母也应该大写。另外，naval与sea在语意上重复，建议简化为the Majiang Sea Battle。第三，习语fight out用在这里不是很恰当，建议把fight out in a bloody battle改为fight a bloody battle。第四，won the great victory of Zhennan Pass and Liangshan mountain中的冠词、介词使用都不够恰当，而且mountain的第一个字母应该大写。基于以上问题，建议全句改为：
In1884, France waged a war on China from its base in Vietnam. In the theatre of
southeast coast, the Navy of Fujian Province suffered a disastrous defeat in the
Majiang Sea Battle due to the Qing’s policy of compromise for peace, while in the
land theatre in the south, an aged general of the Qing army, Feng Zicai led his
troops to fight a bloody battle in Zhennan Pass and Liangshan Mountain with a
great victory.

8、原文：在各族人民支持下，西征大军经过数年艰苦征战，收复了被占的中国领土。
译文：With supports of masses of nationalities, the western expeditionary
contingent fought up and down the region arduously for years, and finally recovered
the territories once occupied by others.
问题：根据上下文，occupied by others改为occupied by other countries更为恰当。masses表示people是非正式用语。此外，还有个别细节也需改进。建议全句改为With the support of
the people of various nationalities and ethnic groups, the western
expeditionary contingent fought up and down the region arduously for years, and
finally recovered the Chinese territories once occupied by other countries.

9、原文：在民族存亡的关头，中国爱国军民进行了一次又一次可歌可泣的反侵略斗争，给侵略者以不同程度的打击。
译文：At the moment of nation’s surviving and perishing, the patriotic armies
and people of China carried on the heroic and moving struggles of resisting
the aggression time and again, and stroke blows at the aggressors to varying
degrees.
问题：“存亡”表面上看起来是并列关系，实际上是选择关系，所以翻译成surviving and
perishing不符合英语表达习惯，应改为surviving or perishing或life or death。这里的“民”是相对于“军”而言的，应译为civilians更为恰当。另外，根据上下文，短语carried on改为carried out是否更恰当？建议全句改为：At the critical juncture of the nation’s life or death, the patriotic Chinese soldiers and civilians carried out heroic and
moving struggles against the aggression time and again, and stroke blows at
the aggressors to varying degrees.

10、原文：1850—1853年，是太平军初步发展时期。洪秀全领导拜上帝会于广西桂平金田村起义后，转战桂、湘，制定战略决策，队伍不断扩大，直至攻克金陵，改号天京，定为都城。
译文：The years from 1850 to 1853 constituted the Period of Preliminary Development of the Taiping Army. Hong Xiuquan led the followers of his God Worshipping Society in the Uprising at the Jintian Village, Guangxi, after which his troops moved and fought around Guangxi and Hunan, during which time he made strategic decisions and his army grew incessantly in strength, until at last they captured the then Jinling City, whose name he changed into the Tianjing City, and made it his capital.
问题：这段译文主要存在结构层次不清、语意重心不突出问题，其中after which..和
during which...两个定语从句并置读起来令人感到困惑。而and made it his capital从代词呼应来看应该是与changed into the Tianjing City共同构成定语从句中的并列谓语，但作为定语从句部分，it显然是多余的。因此，建议全句改为：The years from 1850 to 1853 constituted the Period of Preliminary Development of the Taiping Army. Hong Xiuquan led the followers of his God Worshipping Society in the Uprising at the Jintian Village, Guangxi. Then his troops moved and fought around Guangxi and Hunan. Due to his wise strategic decisions, his army grew incessantly in strength. The period came to an end with the capture of the then Jinling City, which was renamed the Tianjing City and made the capital.

11、原文：1851年爆发的太平天国农民起义战争，历时十四年，遍及十八省，给清政府以沉重打击。但由于国内外反动势力的联合进攻和农民战争本身的弱点而失败。
译文：The peasant revolutionary war of the Heavenly Kingdom of Great Peace broke out in 1851. It lasted for 14 years and spread over 18 provinces. This war dealt a
severe blow to the Qing imperial government. It was defeated, however, because of the combined suppression of reactionary forces at home and abroad, and or the
weak points inherent in the peasant war itself.
问题：这段话主要存在两个问题。第一，这里的“太平天国”采取意译the Heavenly Kingdom of Great Peace，而前面一句的“太平军”却采取了音译the Taiping Army，这种不一致会给读者带来困惑。到底是采用音译还是意译，译文应协调统一。第二，and or the weak points显然是笔误，根据上下文应去掉or改为and the weak points。即使要保留，也应改为and / or the weak points。

12、原文：1856年，英国又一次对中国发动武装入侵，次年扩大为英法两国的联合侵华战争。
译文：In 1856, Britain made another armed intrusion against China. The war was
extended to a joint war of aggression against China by Britain and France in the
next year.
问题：把“入侵”译为intrusion不恰当。intrusion在英语中的语意比汉语的“入侵”要轻得多，意思是enter unwanted or unasked（闯入，不请自入），而且其搭配习惯为intrusion on / upon，因此建议改为invasion。The war was extended to a joint war of aggression against China存在语意和用词重复问题，完全可以简化为The war was extended to a joint aggression。建议全句改为：In 1856, Britain made another armed invasion against China, which was extended to
a joint aggression involving France in the next year.

13、原文：19世纪中叶，英、法等资本主义列强为打开中国贸易大门，连续发动侵华战争，清朝爱国官兵和人民奋起反抗。
译文：In the middle period of the 19th century, to open the door of trading with
China, Britain, France and other capitalist powers launched wars of aggressing
against China continuously. The patriotic officers and men of Qing Government and
the masses of the people rose in resisting the aggressors.
问题：首先，存在一个拼写错误，即aggressing应改为aggression。第二，The patriotic
officers and men of Qing Government and the masses of the people容易导致误解，且与原文意思有出入。这里的“人民”实际上指的是“非军人”（civilians），前面已经多次出现。建议全句译为：In the middle of the 19th century, to open the door of trade with China, Britain, France and other capitalist powers launched aggressions against China in succession. The patriotic officers and men as well as the civilians in Qing
Dynasty mounted a counter-attack.

（感谢黄卫峰先生惠寄）

学术批评网（www.acriticism.com）首发 2007年8月14日