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本帖最后由 agent124 于 2025-1-8 12:17 编辑
整理旧贴，偶然看到很多年前写的一个帖子。帖子里说的也是“旧贴整理”，所以实际写作日期更早。
先把帖子部分内容贴在下面，是一首歌词的汉译英：
结他低泣时 while my guitar gently weeps
词 : 林振强
曲 : M.Nasir
唱：夏韶声
一支低泣低叹结他 Accompanied by a gently weeping and sighing guitar,
和一堆一堆琐碎旧话 and pieces, pieces of memory,
伴空屋中的我坐下怀念你 I sit down in an empty room and miss you.
多么的想知你好吗 Are you living well?
和他一起开心快活吧 Are you happy with him? I’m eager to know.
愿他可跟我那样活着全为你 Hope he would devote his life to you, like what I did.
OH……我再笑我似个笑话 Oh, how ridiculous my life is!
一生都追踪空气 I just keep pursuing voidness all the way through.
OH……我也说过休息放弃吧 Oh, I tried giving up and going to rest,
但实在舍不得你 only to find you still on my mind.
只好衷心讲一句 I can only sincerely wish you happy,
我盼你一世快乐 without regret or tears,
没憾没泪痕伴你 through your life.
如他伤你心 But if he hurts your heart,
如他说别离 saying of breaking apart,
如果未嫌弃 I will go by your side,
我即奔近你 if you would accept me.
无知的结他 My ignorant guitar doesn’t know why you left;
难解你别离
仍不愿离去 He is not willing to depart anyway,
半哭等待你 and still waiting for you, weeping.
原贴有说明，歌名的译名借用了Beatles的一首歌的歌名，并非我的创造。
作为对比，贴另一种译法，译者不详，据说是来自香港电台的“听歌学英文”节目：
The Blue Guitar
Play my solitary guitar
Recall the moments sweet and bitter
until the emptiness is filled with dreams of you
Thoughts that drift from past to present
wonder how your love is faring
Are you by any chance comparing me with him?
Ooh...can I still cling to illusions
that there'll be a solution?
Ooh...am I a fool still chasing shadows
without a star to follow?
But after all's said and done
I can't help wishing you well
I still believe time will tell...
If he breaks your heart
if he turns away
I'll take up the part
I won't ever stray
So play, blue guitar
Play that sad refrain
Carry me so far
till I feel no pain
先说明两点
1. 我的译法完全不考虑歌唱，甚至也不把歌词当作诗歌，只是当作散文一样来译，这当然不是合格的歌词译法，只是个人的翻译练习或者一时兴起的涂鸦而已。
2. 另一位译者的英语水平明显比我高很多。有很多值得学习的地方。当然，因为要照顾到歌唱，押韵什么的，有些地方不可避免地只能稍作改写，和歌词原意不是完全相符。这是无可厚非的做法。
再对照拙译，学习另一位译者的译艺：
1. The Blue Guitar 大致意思是“忧伤的吉他”，没有拘泥原文，把主要精神译出来了
2. Play my solitary guitar
Recall the moments sweet and bitter
until the emptiness is filled with dreams of you
这几句，表达很简洁，值得学习。尤其是play my solitary guitar
3.Ooh...can I still cling to illusions
that there'll be a solution?
Ooh...am I a fool still chasing shadows
without a star to follow?
这两句我以为是整首歌词中译得最好的两句。首先巧妙地用自我反诘的语气译出“笑我”的意味，用cling to illusions来译“一生都追踪空气”也很贴切，远胜过我貌似“忠实”的笨拙译法。译者细心玩味原文，然后用地道的英文表达出来，确实是汉译英的高手。
学习英语是陈年往事，现在早对汉译英没什么兴趣和追求，旧译也不想再琢磨提高了。只是这首歌刚好看到别人的译文，不妨对比学习一下，有些收获总是好的。当然了，我英语水平不高，从而评论的水平也不高，贻笑大方之处恐在所难免。 |
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发表于 2025-1-8 12:08:24