Writing at least Five Minutes a Day

白马西北驰

Interpreting a Poem: "Bright Star" (III)

2008-7-12



---Keat's grave in Rome

"Here lies one whose name was writ in water."
"This Grave contains all that was mortal, of a YOUNG ENGLISH POET, who on his Death Bed, in the Bitterness of his heart, at the Malicious Power of his enemies, desired these words to be Engraven on his Tomb Stone."


  The tense of the verbs in the clauses is also worth discussing. Keats describes the star as “watching” the “moving waters”. The present participle “watching” implies the star’s eternality. When expressing his own will, he uses infinitives, that is, “to feel” and “to hear”. And what is more interesting is in the last line: “And so live ever – or else swoon to death.” It’s in present tense. So, from the grammatical perspective, this line is a coordinate clause with the rest part of the poem. This change of tense implies that the speaker turns from expectation or dream to reality. He does know that he cannot be with his love forever, and he must face this unavoidable reality.

III Sound Pattern

  The sound pattern of this poem is delicate. The rhythm is almost regular, but there[strike]’s [/strike] are some interesting exemptions. For example, in the eleventh line, the defective foot “fall” suggests a relatively longer duration of the sound and makes the phrase “fall and swell” vivid. What’s more effective is the repetition of sounds in an intricate way. On the one hand, the end-rhymes are almost all perfect, only with two exemptions. On the other hand, the effect of internal rhymes is rich, which can be seen in the sestet more clearly. Again take a look at the eleventh line. There are two groups of alliteration in this single line. The former consists of “feel”, “forever”, and “fall”, and the latter “soft” and “swell”. The word “forever” appears again in the next line, and in a variation of “ever” in the last line. The consonance among “swell”, “sweet”, and “swoon” is also significant. The repetition of sound “f” and “s” amounts to a sense of something soft and gentle, which pertains to dream or something more peaceful, i.e. death. In this sense, the image of a man swooning to death appears at the end of the poem not so surprisingly, but as naturally as sleep or dream.

yjj543000

Time to Say Goodbye

Today, I was informed that I had to go to the middle school for a training I would teach in before
July 15th. Although I had waited for this notice for a long time, I find myself at a loss and my anxiety and perplexity increase. I know there will be a lot of challenges waiting for me. Anyway, I will try my best to accustom myself to the new environment, and goodbye (not farewell) readfree. I will miss you my dear fellows, but will you miss me?!

louselice^_^

前几天白马兄就邀我过来一起写东东，还布置给我一个帮他修改、挑错的任务，我先挑后面简单的来完成吧。

我不喜欢说客套话，也不太习惯回个帖子夸某人的文章多么多么好，在我看来，能让更多朋友加入到楼主的主题并各抒己见的帖子就是好帖子。正所谓“嫌货才是买货人”，记得王小波的小说里有这么一段：

------ 掌柜的，梨怎么卖？
------ 两毛一斤嘛。
------ 给你五分钱，我把这个拿走，行吗？

这就是个买主了。虽然那个梨有半斤重，五分钱就让他拿走是不行的，但是可以继续讨论。要是来了一个人，不问摊主，却去问梨：
------ 梨呀，我想吃了你。你同意吗？

这就不是来买梨，纯粹是起腻。

会买梨不一定能卖梨，我先从买梨开始吧。

引用第4楼白马西北驰于2008-07-07 19:46发表的 :
An Accident

2008-7-7

   This morning, I witnessed an accident when I was on a bus. It happened abruptly. The bus stopped at a terminal, and several passengers got off. Among them was a little boy of seven or eight years old, with a big shoulder bag. Just as he lifted one of his legs to ascend the sidewalk, a motorbike dashed speedily out and knocked him to the ground. The rider was a middle-aged man, thin and short. He got off the motorbike and helped the boy stand up. He asked eagerly, “Are you feeling all right? Is there anything wrong with you?” The boy tried to stretch his arms and legs painfully, and said shyly, “I am fine, I am okay.” It seems that it was the boy who has done something wrong. The middle-aged man relaxed, got on his motorbike, and drove away quickly. The boy turned around and walked slowly, trying hard to follow his fellows.
......

红色部分建议改为 with a big bag on his shoulder。

蓝色标注的有两类，一类是可以删去的冗词，另一类是应该少用的副词。

accident 本身就有“突然发生”的意思，所以后面“It happened abruptly”这一句没有必要写上。

关于少用副词，我又要照本宣科啦： the elements of style （谢谢白马兄提醒，改过来啦），第五章里的提示四说“多用名词和动词”。写文章要多用名词和动词 ，不要多用形容词和副词。名词再软弱无力或不甚精确，也不能凭借形容词的帮助而摆脱困境。这并不是贬低形容词和副词的作用；事实上，它们是两种必不可少的词类。......然而，总的来说，是名词和动词而不是它们的修饰语赋予优秀的作品以力量和色彩。 （该书这里有下载 http://www.readfree.net/bbs/read.php?tid=4621215）
比如文中写 The boy tried to stretch his arms and legs painfully and said shyly 不妨写成“这个男孩每动一下胳膊或腿就疼得咧一下嘴，脸色也因为受到惊吓而发白，但是他还是小声说......"

之前我也很喜欢用副词，但是最近在听 BBC4 关于 SAMUEL JOHNSON PRIZE 2008的节目，播音员选读了很多篇优秀的短篇小说。我特别注意了一下，大约念3分钟才会出现1到2个副词，其他都是生动的描写，才恍然大悟，原来 the element of style 说得真没错。

挑刺完毕，白马兄不用客气（貌似说”不要生气“更恰当），白送我一个大点的梨就行（我属于那种先尝后买，带捎着那种刁蛮顾客，嘿嘿）。

白马西北驰

引用第22楼louselice^_^于2008-07-13 18:32发表的 :
前几天白马兄就邀我过来一起写东东，还布置给我一个帮他修改、挑错的任务，我先挑后面简单的来完成吧。

我不喜欢说客套话，也不太习惯回个帖子夸某人的文章多么多么好，在我看来，能让更多朋友加入到楼主的主题并各抒己见的帖子就是好帖子。正所谓“嫌货才是买货人”，记得王小波的小说里有这么一段：

------ 掌柜的，梨怎么卖？
.......

恩，这样就好。车学姐这么忙，肯过来给我改作文，高兴加感激都还来不及呢。那本书我已经下好了。那个音频真好，为了它我专门去买了个mp3，有空就戴上耳机听一段，很过瘾。

shoulder bag是这样的：


而双肩背包/书包（backpack/school bag）则是这样的：


我显然是望文生义，贻笑大方了。引以为戒，呵呵。

冗词、副词的问题也是要注意，要不写出来的东西老是看起来显得别扭，student work的痕迹很重。

另外也给车车学姐挑个刺：

那本大名鼎鼎如雷贯耳的书名是：The ELements of Style，ELements是复数。

互相挑刺，共同进步。

louselice^_^

引用第23楼白马西北驰于2008-07-13 19:54发表的 :

另外也给车车学姐挑个刺：

那本大名鼎鼎如雷贯耳的书名是：The ELements of Style，ELements是复数。
.......

唉唉，真是,犯了个大错误呀。
对啦，还是不要喊我"车车"了，省得老跟车明兄混。

白马西北驰

Interpreting a Poem: "Bright Star" (IV)

2008-7-14



The Spanish Steps, Rome, Italy, seen from Piazza di Spagna. John Keats died in the house in the right foreground, which is now a museum.


IV Figurative Language

   For expressing his profound feeling, Keats has recourse to figurative language. First of all, the poem is an apostrophe. He talks with the bright star, which is in some sense a performance, although not necessarily in a pretentious way. The star is personified. It has the quality of steadfastness in that it holds its fixed place in the celestial north pole. In the octave there is a metaphor, that is, the star is an eremite, watching the waters doing their ablution task or the snow covering the earth. The eremite is pious, but he is in solitude. So, the speaker refuses to lead the eremite’s life. He would rather live in the secular world. Does this choice suggest that he prefers the secular love to the religious piety? The sestet is incorporated into the whole poem in that it expresses the same admiration of the quality of steadfastness as the octave, although religious faith is replaced by the fidelity of love. Furthermore the word “steadfast” appears in the first line and is repeated in the ninth line, which links the two parts up. In this sense, Pole Star, as a symbol of faith and fidelity, shines over the whole poem.

Summary

   It is revealed that this sonnet is difficult to be reduced to an idea. Keats is thinking about the nature, religion, life, and death, and is chanting his longing for eternal love. In its reflection on and contrast with the real world, the sonnet acquires its life.

---The End

louselice^_^

引用第25楼白马西北驰于2008-07-14 22:54发表的 :
The Spanish Steps, Rome, Italy, seen from Piazza di Spagna. John Keats died in the house in the right foreground, which is now a museum.

IV Figurative Language

   For expressing his profound feeling, Keats has recourse to figurative language. First of all, the poem is an apostrophe. He talks with the bright star, which is in some sense a performance, although not necessarily in a pretentious way. The star is personified. It has the quality of steadfastness in that it holds its fixed place in the celestial north pole.
.......

我来买梨啦～～～～

1、 The Spanish Steps, Rome, Italy，这个加个in 是不是更清楚些？

The Spanish Steps in Rome, Italy，

2、The star is personified. It has the quality of steadfastness in that it holds its fixed place in the celestial north pole.
这两句合成一句会很漂亮。

白马西北驰

Beside the Lake

2008-7-15

  The lake had its name in memory of Li Bo, the governor of Jiangzhou in Tang Dynasty. Now I am among the crowd under the high canopy of plane trees surrounding the lake. It’s cloudy this morning. At 11:00 a.m., the clouds are swept away by a strong wind blowing from southeast. Two seagulls delineate the path in which the clouds are retreating with their flight. Ripples appear on the surface of the water. The lotus blossoms sway gracefully over the big green leaves.
  
   The people seem happy, chattering, laughing, and strolling. Children skate with skateboards. Babies are attracted by the colorful fishes carved on a wall. They point at the wall to count the fish. The light of a bright summer day is shining in their eyes.

homestudy

凑个热闹

It’s cloudy this morning. At 11:00 a.m., the clouds are swept away by a strong wind blowing from southeast. Two seagulls delineate the path in which the clouds are retreating with their flight.

It was cleared up by strong wind?
没仔细查用法是否正确。


貌似cloud多, 省一个算一个。

have nice sleep

白马西北驰

昨天家学兄不让我写“云”，我今天却要写更多的“云”  

The Cloud

2008-7-16

   I travel by train frequently, which grants me the chance to observe the cloud all day long. The railway station where I start is at the foot of a mountain. White cloud is like a wreathe floating around the top of the mountain. As the train runs, it is revealed that the earth is vast and trimmed with endless green hills. The sky is blue and cloud-teeming.

   Looking out of the window of the train, I can see a huge stage where various dramas take place. The most intriguing scene is always above the horizon. The cloud is like the replica of the mountains and hills, but more magnificent, more colorful, and more precarious. Sometimes, the train runs under the shadow of cumulus. Gradually, the sunbeams pierce the black and thick cloud, and touch the surface of a lake. As the cumulus is cleared up by strong wind, a rainbow shows in the blue sea overhead. This scene is inspiring, like the performance of an angel defeating a devil.

   The cloud invokes our imagination. It is the imagination itself.

zhyaco

很好很强大，我顶你

白马西北驰

Quannan, a Small County in South China

2008-7-31

  Quannan（全南） is a scenic town at the south end of the territory of Jiangxi province, separated by the Dayu Ridge from Guangdong province. I took a trip to this small county, staying there for two days. It takes about three hours to get there by bus from Ganzhou. Along the road are green hills covered by bamboos, camphor trees, banyans, and plants I do not know the names. The valleys are fed by limpid brooks and dotted with grapes, grapefruit trees, and orange trees. The green color is so deep and vivacious that one may feel that he breathes in the green air. The climate here is unpredictable. The bus rushed into heavy rain several times and ran no more than ten minutes to get out of it and see the blue sky again. Washed by plenty of water, everything seems new and shiny.

   The town is new. The bus station is tiny and colorful. The buildings along the main street are modern. But I see that behind the shops and apartments there are old houses made of thatch and earth. The whole town is covered by thick green leaves of banyans and camphor trees. It would rain more than ten times a day. It’s not exaggeration.

   When I had time to stroll around, I walked upon a bridge over the river flowing through the town at dusk. I asked a young man whether he knew the name of this river. He said he didn’t, but he knew there is a “rubber dam” built downstream. I thanked him and went on. As I got another bridge about a mile upstream, I met two old women, and I ask them the same question. They told me the name is Taojiang (桃江). It’s a beautiful name.

   The next day I finished my business and asked the local inhabitants I met where is the best place in the county for a visitor. There was a consensus among them that I should got to the Guang Ming Temple or the Plum Hill. I chose the former for I had not enough time to visit both.

   I hired a three-wheel motorbike and it ran more than forty minutes to arrive at the temple. The temple is circled by hills, beside a lake. It’s very small, having only two newly built halls and a backyard with a small white pagoda. The monks live in a grey house with a courtyard. I went into the house and met the chief monk, Wu Jing. He is in middle age, short, always smiling friendly. He introduced to me the history of this temple and his grand plan for the development of the temple. The temple was built in Ming Dynasty and destructed during the Culture Revolution. And from his talk, I knew the origin of the name of Taojiang. It was in Qing Dynasty. The local governor built a pavilion beside the river and planted many plum trees around it. When he quested the local inhabitants the name of the river, they said it had not a name yet. Then the governor named the river as Taojiang, a river with plum blossoms. I wished him good luck and bid farewell. When I got out the temple, it was in the twilight. I saw many dragonflies in the air.
  
   I noticed [strike]that[/strike] the road leading to the temple as I went back to the county. It is of high quality, built entirely with cement. And it’s surprising that its only end is to reach the temple. The driver told me that the road was built by the local government with the financial support from official and nonofficial donation. The road seems to me a token of the admiration of the local people for the Buddhism.







The roof of the Guang Ming Temple was set last year.



The courtyard where the monks live.



[strike]The dam of the[/strike] Long Xing Reservoir along Taojiang in the twilight.



A woman with two bulls. She shouted at me, "Don't take photo for me! but for the bulls!"  

白马西北驰

Profound Feeling: a Belated [strike]r[/strike]Reply to Resonance

2008-8-3

[The discussion was originally in this post:
http://www.readfree.net/bbs/read.php?tid=4480694&keyword=]

   The problematic expression is in this sentence: ...

      The snarl of the sea is far and then nigh,
      Provoking feelings too profound to tell. ...

   Resonance's crique on this sentence is as follows:

我先来挑点刺，feelings 用ｐｒｏｆｏｕｎｄ修饰并不妥当，个人深切的情感文绉绉一点应该用ｉｎｎｅｒｍｏｓｔ．
这个得算搂主的chinglish 或者得叫international English...
...

我用google搜索了一下“profound feeling”
虽然有多达60500条相关信息
但是最前的几个果然是中文网页上的东西
然后后面几个里面虽是英文网页
但是并不是英文母语的国家制作的，譬如这个：
Tantric yoga, as a system of rituals, exercises, and philosophical teachings, was developed over the past 2500 years in a practical search for profound feeling and awareness. Just as a modern scientist might spend years on a single ...
http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Tantric_Celibacy/id/52544
一看就是是印度人做的网页.....

所以我再次重申楼主的说法很不可靠。这实际是误导......

   For examining the opinions, I [strike]quested[/strike] asked some of my classmates. It's surprising that all the girls th[strike]ink[/strike]ought the expression "profound feeling" is natural, while all the boys protested against it.

   For further proof, I wrote emails to Ruqaiya Hasan, a linguist who is M.A.K.Halliday's wife and assistant, and David Buchanan, an Englishman teaching English literature in China. I asked them:

   Can you accept the expressions as follows?

  1.The feeling is profoud.
  2.It's profound feeling.
  3.It provokes feelings too profound to tell.

   Ruqaiya Hasan replies me as follows:

   Well, the acceptability of sentences/clauses in isolation is a problematic issue. I can imagine the contexts in which you could get awas with any one of these expressions but as they say "conditions apply". For example, no 1 is OK so long as you have previous clause/ co-text which specifies what feeling and maybe why. It is not a very common thing to say; you wouldn't hear it in ordinary dialogues, but it is not impossible to imagine occasions when you might hear such a thing said.

   No 2 is also pretty accedptable; would become even more so if you put the indefinite article in the nominal group (A profound feeling). But again cotextual information is needed otherwise you cannot interpret it with any ease.

   No 3 is also acceptable; probably would be better to say "express" rather than "tell" because the word profound is rather learned and "tell" too ordinary.

   Wonder if this helps you.

   David replies [strike]my questions[/strike] me simply as follows:

1) the feeling is profound
2) its a profound feeling
3)it provokes / evokes feelings too profound to express

all of the above are ok.

   I wrote these two lines just following my nose, without considering collocation and acceptibily. Resonance's suggestion does good to the sense of language.

   In my view, in the special situation of literary creation, some irregular, surprising, even odd collocation of words may be permitted. There are plenty of such instances. Perhaps the earliest examples are the "kennings", i.e. compound metaphors, in Beowulf such as "whale's road" or "swan's path".

   If I have the chance to revise the two lines, I will prefer:

      The snarl of the sea is far and then nigh,
      Provoking feelings too deep to tell.


   It seems to me unacceptable to write:

     The snarl of the sea is far and then nigh,
     Provoking feelings too innermost to tell.

   Do you agree with me?

liumx2000

Ref: Last pic. #31 floor.
your original sentence:
A woman with two bulls. She shouted at me, "Don't take photo for me! but for the bulls!"

My suggestion for the description is:
Two water buffaloes and a lady. She exclaimed, "Take picture of the bulls, not me!"

Sounds better?

cicerocicero

引用第31楼白马西北驰于2008-08-01 09:56发表的 :
Quannan, a Small County in South China

2008-7-31

  Quannan（全南） is a scenic town at the south end of the territory of Jiangxi province, separated by the Dayu Ridge from Guangdong province. I took a trip to this small county, staying there for two days. It takes about three hours to get there by bus from Ganzhou. Along the road are green hills covered by bamboos, camphor trees, banyans, and plants I do not know the names. The valleys are fed by limpid brooks and dotted with grapes, grapefruit trees, and orange trees. The green color is so deep and vivacious that one may feel that he breathes in the green air. The climate here is unpredictable. The bus rushed into heavy rain several times and ran no more than ten minutes to get out of it and see the blue sky again. Washed by plenty of water, everything seems new and shiny.

感谢白马兄的信任，既然领命来挑错，该直言不讳才是真性情。
你的文章初略地过了一遍，我最欣赏还是你对诗歌的感悟——尽管新批评（New Criticism）似乎因其种种而过时了，但我依然认为它的文本观和诗语观（Jacobson意义上的）仍然是分析利器；诗歌感悟写成纯印象主义的常落入纯粹个人性的东西了，而如你一般，带上点stylistics的味道更有风致。也许这是你做诗歌时所需要的“视野塑造”类的东西（一个仅供你参考的看法）。

这里这篇貌似最新的，我就选这里的一段来挑刺了（前边的，譬如车车兄的看法很有些内涵在里边，我不敢多罗唣了；顺便说一下，The Elements of Style书的第二作者，E. B. White正是位极其讲究文字的作家——所谓“风格家”是也，以前他有篇叫《湖畔重游》的散文我作过翻译练笔）：

a scenic town这个表达不够灵气。有时使用of +(adj) +noun格式自有妙处，如：a poem of fragil beauty

the Dayu Ridge from Guangdong province中之from显得有些暧昧（我对你所指的地理地形不熟悉，无法评判，这里只讲感觉）

this small county这里this有误，如果用法属承前所指，那前边说的是town呢；如果是另含新义，那该替换表达。

Along the road are green hills covered by 句中by，如果从美感上说是不到位的，along是车行之动，那with当显景物之静，动静之间方更有“人在画中游”的感觉。同理，下句中的fed和limpid也有满盘皆动的单调。（这个挑剔有些过分了，：））

one may feel that he breathes in the green air这里breath用现在进行时态岂不更有身历其境的好处？

The climate here is unpredictable. 这个表达意思上显得累赘，行文中显得搭配怪异。天下何处气候不如此（我这里此刻阳光普照，但预报说阴天有阵雨，呵呵）？若要强调其诡异叵测（不到这个程度吧？）可换其他动态表达（be类表达一般认为是属性性的、静态的）。

rain用法不必拘泥普通词典中的不可数概念，the intermittent suns and rains也许更有变换之意。

Washed by plenty of water表达得太“水”（四川话里“敷衍”的意思），我肯定你会找到更佳的表达。

不当之处，请白马兄包涵。再次感谢你的信任。握你的手o(∩_∩)o...

白马西北驰

Does Art Ever Improve?

2008-10-14


Handwriting by Wang Yangming: 青山随处佳，岂必故园好。但得此身闲，尘寰亦蓬岛。西林日初暮，明月来何早。卧醉石床凉，洞云秋未扫。



My wife took a trip to Wuyuan county several days ago. She visited the ancient ancestral temple of Wang’s family. “The temple is wonderful,” she said, “there are many beautiful and delicate carvings everywhere. What’s more, the beam of the hall is made of a huge ginkgo trunk, which is brightly white and rich in decent and fine images. ” Then, she moved on to visit another ancestral temple at Jiangwan. It’s an imitation of that of Wang’s family. Although the residents do their best to build it and mange to invite the best craftsmen, this version is but a meager copy, a failure. It seems crude. The ancient craftsmanship has been lost.

I recall one of my own experiences. This summer I had been in Ganzhou city for a week. I took the chance to see Tongtianyan (namely, a rock reaching the sky), a scenic spot famous for its calligraphy on the rocks and images of the Buddha. It is said that Wang Yangming once taught here. The figures of Bodhisattva carved on a huge rock and two nearby caves are artful and magnificent. In my eyes, they are floating in peaceful light. There is a cave named Longhuyan (namely, a rock with a dragon and a tiger). There used to be a figure of Nāgārjuna (龙树菩萨) and twenty chapters of Buddhist classics carved upon the wall inside the cave. There were destroyed by a Guomingtang troop who used this cave as arsenal in 1940s. The administrators decided to recover the figure and the calligraphy. I witnessed these rebuilt pieces. I have to say they are ugly, compared with those calligraphy and figures surviving time and hands of men.



Does the art ever improve as time goes on? Why we cannot do what our ancestors did hundreds, even thousands of years ago? We boast of the progress of civilization. Meanwhile, we overlook the fact that we have lost the piety and concentration of our ancestors, which is the essence of art.