[转帖]你真的喜欢我吗

psychology

[转帖]你真的喜欢我吗

**转自psychologytoday.com，随便添加了中文翻译，仅供参考**

Do You Really Like Me?
你真的喜欢我吗？

We spend a lot of time seeking approval -- from our parents, spouses, children, co-workers and the neighbor down the street. If you put on your best shirt, biggest smile and most polite demeanor, you will win everyone over. The thing is: This approval-seeking business takes a whole lot of time and silly effort, and it's unlikely you will get the approval you want anyway.

我们花费大量时间——从我们的父母、配偶、孩子、同事和街道邻居那里——取得认同。如果你穿上最好的衬衣、挂着最灿烂的微笑和保持最有礼貌的举止，你会赢得所有的人。问题是：这种争取认同的过程往往花费你所有的时间，让你付出荒唐的努力，可是事情并不一定如你所愿地你会得到渴望的认同。

Just imagine yourself on the receiving end of an approval seeker. Picture yourself discussing a business deal with such a person. He uses big words, he keeps running his fingers through his hair and he isn't really listening to you. More than that he seems disingenuous; in fact, his smile looks phony too. You walk away seeing right through him, and you wonder who he truly is.

想像一下你就是争取认同者的接收方，勾勒你与这样一个人谈生意的情景。他大话连篇，不断用手指拨弄头发，也没有真正聆听你的话。更有甚者，他似乎并无诚意，事实上，他的笑容也显得虚伪。看透了他的伎俩，你会避之则吉，怀疑真正的他应该是怎样的。

Approval seekers are off-putting. Unfortunately, we all do it to a lesser or greater degree. In fact, take a moment to see how you fare. You are about to meet your girlfriend's sister. Are you mapping out what jokes to tell? Does your hand look better in your pocket or out? When you do meet, you are feeling pretty anxious. You may even be panic-stricken because she looks bored. Then you struggle to think of a way to make a better impression.

争取认同者是让人不愉快的。不幸的是，我们所有人的或多或少都如此而为。事实上，请花一点时间看看你是如何经营的：你将要跟女朋友的姐妹见面，你是否事先编制要说的笑话？你的手是放在口袋里好看还是放在外面好看？当你们真正见面时，你感觉相当紧张。因为她似乎被闷着了，你甚至可能惊慌失措。接着你努力想办法，希望留下一个好一点的印象。

What are you seeking? Maybe you want your girlfriend's sister to think you are great, funny, smart and cute. Maybe you want her to love you. After your meeting, though, you probably feel like you ran a mile. But do you really think she got to know you? No. Your authentic self was nowhere to be found.

你在寻找什么？也许你希望女朋友的姐妹认为你很棒、风趣、聪明而且可爱。也许你希望她能喜爱你。然而，你们会面以后，你也许想要逃离。但是，你真的认为她已经开始认识你了吗？不，你的自信已经消失得无影无踪了。

There are ways to stop seeking approval and get on with life. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

有几个办法可以停止寻求认同，并继续正常的生活。以下是应该谨记的几个技巧：

Stop the chatter: We walk around listening to our inner dialogue. \"Did I seem smart to her?\" \"Why wasn't she laughing?\" And then the negative self-talk takes over. \"I should have worn my blue turtleneck.\" \"I could have said blahbiddyblah.\" It's best to stop the endless chattering and leave yourself alone.

不要再唠叨：我们边走边聆听自己的心底话：“她觉得我聪明吗？”“为什么她刚才不笑？”接着消极的自问自答占了上风，“我本应该穿那件蓝色的套领毛衣。”“我本来能够说什么什么……”。你最好停止这样喋喋不休，让自己一个人安静下来。

Stop interrupting everyone: When a person is talking, do you finish his sentence for him? You may feel you have something clever to say at that moment, and you don't want to miss the chance to make a good impression. Yet when others interrupt you, you find it downright rude.

不要总是打断别人：当别人说话时，你是否为他的话作结？也许你当时觉得自己有些精彩的话要说，你不愿意失去如此一个留下好印象的机会。然而，当别人打断你的时候，你会发现那简直是无礼的举动。

Quit tuning out: Often we pretend we are taking in everything a person says, but instead we are fretting over our bills or thinking about what to make for dinner. Or maybe we are just waiting for a moment to break in and say something smart.

不要走神：我们经常假装听懂了别人说的一切，可是我们当时也许在为我们的帐单烦恼，或是想着晚餐该煮什么。又或许我们只是在等待插话的机会，以便说一些精彩的话语。

Listen, really listen: When you actually listen, you may feel like you are confused. That's because you're not used to listening. If you truly listen, you might find that the person talking is indeed very interesting.

聆听，真正的聆听：当你真正聆听，你也许感到困惑，因为你并不习惯聆听。如果你认真聆听，你也许发现说话的人确实非常有趣。

Mind your manners, for real: Some of us say, \"Excuse me\" or \"Sorry\" or \"Thank you.\" But do we really mean it? Are we really showing heartfelt gratitude and consideration? Or are we trying to, again, make a good impression?

用心注意礼貌：我们当中的一些人会说“不好意思”、“对不起”或“谢谢”，但是我们真的明白这些话的含义吗？我们是否真正表达了发自内心的感激和思虑？还只是再一次为留下好印象而努力？

Quit being agreeable: Sometimes when we seek approval, we are overly agreeable. \"Sure, I like spicy food.\" But often we do what others want, not what we want. All for the small hope of making others like us.

不要总是欣然同意：有时候，当我们寻求认同，我们显得过于随和。“当然，我喜欢吃辣的。”可是，我们经常做别人想要的，而不是我们自己想要的事。一切都只为了那个小小的希望：让别人喜欢我们。