|
|
“But, General,” she wrote, “if tonight I had to face my Maker in person, and tell Him what is deepest in my heart, I would tell Him what I now tell you.
"但是，将军，"她写道，"如果今晚我就得面对我的造物主，告诉他内心深处的想法，我跟他说的话，也会和我现在跟您说的一样。
My child Alexandra was born in pain. Days and nights she fought me and I fought her back.
我的孩子亚历山德拉是在痛苦中出生的。日日夜夜，她和我斗，我也和她斗。
Even in the womb she was her father’s child. I had no time to love her; I only ever knew her as the little Jewish warrior her father made.
即使在子宫里，她也是她父亲的孩子。我没有时间去爱她，只知道她是她父亲造就的犹太小战士。
But, General, this I do know: the child in the photograph is neither Glikman’s, nor is she mine.
但是，将军，这点我很清楚：照片里的孩子既不是格利克曼的孩子，也不是我的孩子。
They are putting the wrong egg into the nest, and though there is a part of this old woman that would like to be deluded, there is a stronger part that hates them for their tricks.”
他们偷梁换柱，虽然我这个老太婆某种程度上愿意自欺欺人，但更大程度上则是憎恨他们的诡计。"
When she had finished the letter, she sealed it immediately in its envelope so that she would not read it and change her mind.
写完信，她马上将装入信封并封好口，以免再读一遍，可能改变想法。
Then she stuck too many stamps on it deliberately, much as she might have lit a candle to a lover.
她又郑重地贴上超量的邮票，好像是在给情人点蜡烛。（西方文化里，用心、专注地点燃蜡烛，是在生活中体现爱的方式。————译注）
For the next two weeks exactly, following the posting of this document, nothing happened, and in the strange ways of women the silence was a relief to her.
信寄出后整整两个星期过去了，什么事也没有发生，这种静默倒让她感到了轻松。这是女人的奇怪之处。
After the storm had come the calm, she had done the little she could do—she had confessed her weaknesses and her betrayals and her one great sin—the rest was in the hands of God, and of the General.
暴风雨过后是平静，她已经竭尽她微薄的能力--承认了自己的弱点、背叛和一大罪过--剩下的就交给上帝和将军了。
A disruption of the French postal services did not dismay her.
法国邮政服务的中断并没有让她感到沮丧。
She saw it rather as another obstacle that those who were shaping her destiny would have to overcome if their will was strong enough.
在她看来，如果将军那批人确实坚定地想决定她命运，那么他们必须克服这个障碍。
She went to work contentedly and her back ceased to trouble her, which she took as an omen.
她去上班的时候，感觉已经知足了。背痛的烦恼似乎消除了，她感觉是个吉兆。
She even managed to become philosophical again. It is this way or that way, she told herself; either Alexandra was in the West and better off—if indeed it was Alexandra—or Alexandra was where she had been before, and no worse off.
她甚至又能比较客观冷静地分析这个事情了。她对自己说，反正非此即彼，要么亚历山德拉到了西方，过得更好，如果真的是亚历山德拉的话，要么亚历山德拉还在原来那个地方，也不会过得更坏了。
But gradually, with another part of her, she saw through this false optimism.
但渐渐地，她又有了另一种想法，看穿了这种虚幻的乐观。
There was a third possibility, and that was the worst and by degrees the one she considered most likely: namely, that Alexandra was being used for a sinister and perhaps wicked purpose; that they were forcing her somehow, exactly as they had forced Ostrakova, misusing the humanity and courage that her father, Glikman, had given her.
还有第三种可能，也是最糟糕的一种情况，而且是她认为最有可能发生的一种情况：那就是亚历山德拉被人利用，来达到一种不合法的、甚至是邪恶的目的；他们以某种方式强迫她错误地使用她父亲格里克曼赋予的人性和勇气，就像他们强迫奥斯特拉科娃一样。
So that on the fourteenth night, Ostrakova broke into a profound fit of weeping, and with the tears streaming down her face walked half-way across Paris looking for a church, any church that was open, until she came to the Cathedral of St. Alexander Nevsky itself.
于是，在信寄出后的第十四天晚上，奥斯特拉科娃痛哭了一场，然后泪流满面地穿越了半个巴黎，寻找教堂，任何开着的教堂都行。最后她又来到了那个教堂————圣亚历山大·涅夫斯基大教堂。
It was open. Kneeling, she prayed for long hours to St. Joseph, who was after all a father and protector, and the giver of Glikman’s first name, even if Glikman would have scoffed at the association.
它还开着。她跪在地上，长时间地向圣约瑟夫祈祷，圣约瑟夫毕竟是一位父亲和保护者，也是格利克曼名字的赐予者，尽管格利克曼肯定会嘲笑这种牵强附会的联系。
And on the day following these spiritual exertions, her prayer was answered.
在这些精神上，信仰上的努力过后的第二天，她的祷告得到了回应。
A letter came. It had no stamp or postmark. She had added her address at work as a precaution, and the letter was there waiting for her when she arrived, delivered by hand, presumably, some time in the night.
来了一封信。信上没有邮票或邮戳。当初为了以防万一，她添加了自己的工作地址，当她去上班时，信就在那里等着她，大概是专人在夜间送来的。
It was a very short letter and carried neither the name of the sender nor his address. It was unsigned. Like her own, it was in a stilted French and handwritten, in the sprawl of an old and dictatorial hand, which she knew at once was the General’s.
信很短，既没有寄信人的姓名，也没有地址。信上没有署名。和她自己的信一样，这封信也是用生硬的法文书写的，字迹潦草，显然出自一位独断的老人之手，她一看就知道是将军写的。
|
|
发表于 2023-12-22 09:47:19
