翻译擂台，答对有奖

daxigua

最近看到好几本翻译教材均选用以下公司简介翻译为范例。乍一看，信达雅，高大上；再一看，问题不少，甚至有几处硬伤。今将该译文贴出，求教于方家。凡指出译文错误并说明理由者给予币币奖励，指出错误并提供修改意见者重奖。



                  深圳太空礼品有限公司
  该公司是一家中外合资的综合性经济实体,为国内首家专业生产、经营各类中高档礼品精品、旅游纪念品、宾馆客房系列用品的企业。公司规模庞大,技术力量雄厚,机械设备、生产原料进口,产品自行设计生产。太空礼品,物美价廉。公司将竭诚为您提供高质量的产品,高质量的服务。太空标志,质量的保证,信誉的保证。
公司地址:深圳市国际贸易中心大厦15层B区
电话:64528118,67598443
传真:64028484
                    Shenzhen Taikong Gift Co., Ltd
   This is a jointly-ventured comprehensive economic entity, and which is the first domestic enterprise which specializes in producing and dealing with different kinds of high grade and intermediate choice gifts and souvenirs , tourist souvenirs and serial appliances for guestrooms in hotels. The company is broad in scale, and is equipped with solid technical forces. Machines and raw materials are imported, while products are designed and produced by local forces. The company provides satisfying gifts and souvenirs in appropriate prices. The company will whole-heartedly provide high quality products and services. Our symbols will guarantee the quality and our prestige.
Add: B15/F, International Trade Center, Shenzhen
Tel: 64528118, 67598443
Cable: 3229
Fax: 64028484

daxigua

没人愿意赚币币吗？

daxigua

至少划红线、红色字体显示的部分有问题：

泪之梦

comprehensive economic entity

comprehensive使用integrated更合适。

来自merriam webster的解释：

1 marked by the unified control of all aspects of production from raw materials through distribution of finished products
2

泪之梦

技术实力雄厚，是不是直接翻译更好

has a strong technical force


机械设备、生产原料进口,产品自行设计生产。

它们是不是一起翻译更好？


appropriate price，没有attractive price更恰当，感觉。


symbol，不如brand，更好。


prestige，更侧重于威望；credibility，会更合适，感觉。

coolfool

Shenzhen Taikong Gift Co., Ltd. is a joint venture, the first ever in mainland China, specializing in designing, producing and selling various sorts of high-end and mid-range gifts, souvenirs, and hotel guestroom-series consumables. The enterprise is behemoth, strong in technology, handling imports of mechanical equipment and raw materials. The company has been dedicating its self-designed, low-priced, and well-made Taikong gifts to providing high-quality products and services for customers. Taikong logo guarantees both its quality and its credit.

daxigua

泪之梦和coolfool两位仁兄都提出了很好的意见跟建议。广大书友继续加油啊！

爱的就是你

顶顶顶顶。。。

makeeoe

个人觉得那个翻译不太纯正，贴一个，欢迎大家斧正，



The company is a Sino-foreign owned joint venture company that manufactures and distributes all assortment of high-grade presents, boutique commodities, tourism souvenirs and hotel consumables . Large in scale, technically advanced, the company designs all the products by itself with the materials and equipments imported from abroad. Its presents, trademarked as “outer space”, are cheap relative to their quality. The company is fully committed to providing you with topnotch products and services. Please bear in mind the trademark of “outer space”, an emblem of high quality and goodwill.

makeeoe

The company, a comprehensive joint venture by domestic and foreign investors, is the first in the country that specializes in various high-rate presents, boutique commodities, travel souvenirs and hotel supplies. With mammoth scale and strong technology, the company thrives itself on designing products and services using the materials and equipments from abroad. The company is devoted to serving customers with tiptop products and services. Please note the registered trademark of “outer space” is a representative of our premier quality and cachet.

再贴上一个，供大家讨论

makeeoe

个人一点浅见：

原来的翻译不符合英文行文习惯和思维方式，句式有些诘屈聱牙，汉语意味太重了，这种翻译是不能上大雅之堂的。


我写的两本版本各有千秋，主要是句式做了些调整，所以，翻译是一种艺术，并没有什么标准答案，核心是要文辞达意。

比如： 旅游纪念品，标准说法其实就是tourism souvenirs, 公司主营什么业务.....一般就用specialize in 最地道。物美价廉，有人可能觉得可以用tawdry这类词，但是这种词本意是“价廉物不美”，对英文词语的精微之处要把握好，否则，外国人虽然能看懂，但是觉得很语言很违拗。

makeeoe

[quote]引用第4楼泪之梦于2014-10-02 13:10发表的

daxigua

感谢makeeoe兄参与，抱歉的很，论坛提示：“评分超时，你不能对此帖进行评分!”
到时再想办法奖励兄了！

泪之梦

感谢指正，够专业。

引用第11楼makeeoe于2014-10-07 20:01发表的 :

企业信誉一般用goodwill，用通俗的reputation 也可以，prestige是指人的威信
credibility是可信度的意思