开心一笑

heyuan58

Want a Day Off Work?
　　请假经历
　　I asked for a day off on May 1st. The boss answered me with great sincerity:
　　五一节我向老板请一天假。老板推心置腹地对我说：
　　
　　\"So you want a day off work? Let's take a look at what you are asking for！There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week – it's 104 days in all – leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 174 days, leaving only 87 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 64 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 18 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 16 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 11 days. We generously give 10 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!\"
　　“你想请一天假？看看你在向公司要求什么！一年里有365天你可以工作。一年52个星期你已经每星期休息2天，共104天，剩下261天工作。你每天有16小时不在工作，去掉174天，剩下87天。每天你至少花30分钟时间上网，加起来每年23天，剩下64天。每天午饭时间你花掉1小时，又用掉46天，还有18天。通常每年你请2天病假，这样你的工作时间只有16天。每年有5个节假日公司休息不上班，你只干11天。每年公司还慷慨地给你10天假期，算下来你就工作1天，而你TMD还要请这一天假! ”
　　Ten Things You'll Never Hear an Employee Tell His / Her Boss
　　雇员永远不会对老板说的十件事
　　1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.
　　别在早晨交给我工作。等到5点下班时再给我。挑战最后期限很有意思。
　　2. If it's really a \"rush job\", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency.
　　如果任务很急，每隔十分钟就来催我一次，问问进度如何。这会极大地提高我的工作效率。
　　3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
　　不管您去哪里，不要对任何人讲。当别人问起您在哪里的时候，我就有机会天马行空乱说一气了。
　　4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training.
　　如果我抱着一大堆文件、箱子、书籍或是供应品，用不着替我开门。我需要提早为将来半身不遂的日子做准备，开门是个不错的锻炼机会。
　　5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
　　如果您交代给我不止一项工作，不要告诉我孰先孰后。让我自个儿猜吧。
　　6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
　　让我干到越晚越好。我最喜欢办公室，实在没什么别的地方可去，也没有其他事情要做。
　　7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a promotion.
　　如果我的工作让您满意，就让它成为秘密吧。一旦说出去会让我得到升迁的机会。
　　8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
　　如果您觉得我做的不好，最好公之于大庭广众。我最喜欢让自己成为别人的谈资。
　　9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.
　　如果您对工作有什么特别的指示，用不着写下来，直到我的工作干完以后您再发话也不迟。
　　10. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.
　　不要对我和颜悦色，除非我做的事情能给您的生活带来巨大的变化。
　　
　　Funny Pictures
　　搞笑图片
　　
　　Cowboy Pete's new breed of long-legged horses was the envy of all the local cowboys – until he realized he had to first mount his steed.
　　牧童皮特的新品种长腿良驹实在让当地其它牛仔们艳羡不已——不过要跨上这匹爱马可真不容易。
　　\"Car stepping\" has become the quickest way to get around in most cities.
　　在交通拥堵的大都市里，“把汽车踩在脚下”不失为环城周游的良策。