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Sometimes you could be emotional. Sometimes you think being is nothingness when your thought goes so far away from you.
It’s been such a long time I lost my pen, lost my tongue, and lost my voice. I lost myself. People say if you can not say, you can write. But time even deprives me of this ability. What I can do now is to think. To think gets me painful. That hurts me, but never stops me. Thank goodness.
Someone talked about suicide yesterday. I remember those times when I tried so hard to stop my friend’s intention of suicide. Suicide is so stupid and selfish. You are not the only one in the world. There are so many friends caring about you, and more, your blood parents. How dare you abandon that?
But how much have I thought about the felo-de-se? If fear for life exceeds the fear for death, he will adopt to get rid of life. The reasons I want to stop suicide are two: one is I don’t understand how can something hurt one so much that he wanna cut his life as an end. Another is I used to experience this kind of pain and recovered from the pain and thought he could also pass as I did. Yet maybe that’s my own wishing thinking. Everyone is an individual. There is no two exactly same leaves in the world. Everyone has his own way towards life, including the way to end life.
Or just because I also get lost more or less,what I am doing more now is just wish. To wish those good friends who are suffering pain can still come in front of me and say Hi some day. |
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