Stephen Colbert在白宫晚宴臭布什

cyberpig

想练听力的直接去
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879
看全片断


有人译出了全文贴下了供参考
原文来自http://blog.phoenixtv.com/user1/ ... es/2006/147597.html

巴士阿叔國外版 - Part I
怪人帅哥 发表于 2006-6-10 1:33:00


最近香港不是出現巴士阿叔嗎?一名瘋狂老伯因為身後的年輕人嫌他在巴士上講電話太大聲,就拍了他肩膀,請他說話收斂一點,結果好心,公德心卻引來了一陣羞辱,身邊的人不但沒有幫忙理論,反倒拿了手機錄下整個精采片段.這個現象不但讓我對香港公共道德有了新一層認識,更重要的,也是大家所料不及的,這段影片竟在香港創造了無限商機,音樂,KTV,各個節目拿來炒作,就連我跟星姐的美女私房菜promo也演上了一段...(我跟星姐一直笑場,我還因為太入戲把椅子給踢翻了)

但那天我翻起亞洲週刊時又看見了熟悉的照片,一個中年人對著一個年輕人指罵.試想:不知又有哪位作者想拿這個話題高談闊論,卻驚訝發現...別有洞天!文章中提到了網路上另一個高點擊率的片段.這片段,亞洲朋友知道的人可能不多,因為是一個發生在美國白宮的事件.一位美國著名脫口秀主持人Stephen Colbert被邀請參加白宮的一個晚宴,當場以一段非常諷刺的演講,在第一夫人,眾多議員及夫人面前直接大膽的愚弄了布什一番.而這片段,很快就在美國政府的[指點]下消聲匿跡.

我看完了整個影片之後,笑到地上.一來,已經許久沒有這麼開懷.二來,實在太欣賞Colbert的文采.很想把片段放在博客上但無奈不行,所以只能將他的演講稿抄下來,順便運\用一下自己翻譯的功力,雖然翻得差強人意,但我已竭盡所能,儘量將演講稿保留原汁原味,供君欣賞.如有可改善之處,還望多多指教.

如果有興趣的話,可以在google或baidu裏查詢stephen colbert george bush.而由於稿子很長,所以今天先轉載第一篇,剩下的慢慢翻.看完後不僅感嘆, Colbert has guts.  Enjoy!

STEPHEN COLBERT:  Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.

- 先生女士們,謝謝.在我開始之前,有人要我先通報一下:你們誰在外面停了14部防彈休旅車啊?麻煩請將它們挪開好嗎?因為它們擋住了另外14部防彈休旅車離開.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.

- 哇!哇!我真是好有榮幸喔!白宮通訊記者協會晚宴耶!能夠真的,如此靠近的,同桌坐在我心中英雄 – 喬治布什總統身邊.我肯定在發夢.你們誰快過來掐我一下.你知道嗎?我通常睡覺都睡得很沉,光掐我可能還不夠,乾脆直接往我臉上開一槍好了.他真的不在現場嗎?可惡,唯一能幫我的人竟然不在.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say \"I did look it up, and that's not true.\" That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.

- 對了,在我開始之前,如果有人還需要點什麼的話,你們只要慢慢的並很清楚的對著你們桌上的號碼牌說就行了,很快會有國家安全局的人為你們送上雞尾酒.馬克.史密斯(AP特派白宮通訊記者),媒體記者們,第一夫人,總統先生,我叫史蒂芬.苛伯,今晚能來頌揚這位總統是我的榮幸.我和他其實沒什麼不同.我們什麼都懂.我們不是天才也不是真相協會的一員.我們是直腸子(靠直覺)的人.對吧,總統先生?因為真相就在直腸裏.其實直腸裏的神經末梢比腦袋裏的還要多你知道嗎?你可以查一查.你們有些人會說”我的確有查過,你說的並不正確.”那是因為你是看書查的.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the \"No Fact Zone.\" Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

- 下次請直接查看你的直腸.我可看過囉!我的直腸(直覺)告訴我人類的神經系統就如此運\行.每天晚上在我的”苛伯報告”節目中我就是(從直腸/靠直覺)說話,好嗎?我帶給人們的就是沒有經過理性論證過濾的真相,稱之為”無事實地帶”.對了,福克斯電視台,剛剛的專有名詞我版權所有,拷貝必究.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

- 我是一個單純的人,我依賴著單純的信仰而活著.第一,我相信美國.我堅信美國大陸的存在.我的直腸/直覺告訴我我就住在美國.我感覺到美國是從大西洋延伸至太平洋,堅信著美國有50州,而我也迫不及待要看明天華盛頓郵報要如何詮釋我剛說的那句話.我崇尚民主.我相信民主是我國最引以為豪的外銷,至少在中國想到如何將[民主]以每份3分錢的塑膠成品外銷出去之前.

In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

說到這裡,周文重大使,歡迎.您偉大的國家讓我們的開心餐得以賺錢.我說過今天來是要頌揚.我相信最不插手管閒事的政府是最好的政府,基於這個標準,我們在伊拉克可是成立了一個[絕佳]的政府.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

- 我深信一個人必須用自己的靴帶把自己撐起來(自力救濟的意思).我相信能做得到 – 我曾在[索拉奇藝坊]裏看到有人真的辦到.真的很神奇.雖然我是一名基督徒,但我深信每一個人都有宗教信仰的權利,無論你是印度教,猶太人還是牧斯林,我深信有無數的途徑讓你接受基督耶穌做你的救世主.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in \"reality.\" And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

- 先生女士們,我相信那是優若乳/酸奶,但我拒絕相信那不是牛油.最重要的是,我信任這位總統.我知道民調顯示這位總統只有32%的支持度,但像我們這種人,我們才懶得理會民調.我們曉得[民調]只不過是一個收集了現實生活中反應人們想法的統計數字,而[現實]二字出了名的充斥著自由主義者的偏見.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

- 因此,總統先生,請您不要理會那些口中喊著[杯裏尚有半杯水]的人,因為32%意謂著水杯裏…你看,這就是鋪好笑話的重要性,總統先生,請您不要理會那些口中喊著[杯裏只剩下半杯水]的人,因為32%意謂著杯子裏三分之二是空的.我想指出的是杯子裏還有水,但我勸你別把剩水喝掉.因為最後三分之一通常是人家吐回去的.

Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie \"Rocky.\" All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, \"Cut me, Dick, cut me!,\" and every time he falls everyone says, \"Stay down! Stay down!\" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

- 好啦各位,我的重點是我不認為此時此刻是總統支持度的低點,我覺得現在只是總統反敗為勝前的一個緩和點.就像電影[洛基]一樣,總統就是男主角洛基,而阿波羅(洛基對手後轉為其教練)就是…世界上所有其他的東西.第十回合,洛基已血跡斑斑,站在擂台一角的教練,米克,在此應該指的是副總統吧,他在大叫[讓我出局,迪克(副總統切尼的本名),讓我出局!],而每次他倒下的時候場外的觀眾都在大叫”趴下!趴下!不要再起來!”但他一直躺在地上趴著嗎?並不!有如洛基一般總統再度爬了起來,然後到了最後總統他…第一集最後他還是輸了.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

- 好好好,不重要.重點是這是一部感人肺府,老是被揍臉的故事.因此當民調指68%的美國人不滿您的施政時請不要理會.我反問你,難道這不代表68%的美國人對總統的無所作為感到滿意嗎?你好好想想看...因為我可沒有.
  
巴士阿叔國外版 - Part II
怪人帅哥 发表于 2006-6-10 19:09:00


終於完成了 真不敢相信我竟然能把一片演講稿給翻譯完 這中間最大的受益者應該屬於我自己吧 為了翻譯這篇文章 我查閱了無數中英文網頁字典 也參考多位人物背景資料 回顧多個美國近來發生的重大事件 基本上協助我溫習世界時事 越是查詢就越加佩服Colbert的緊貼時事 一般要看得懂這篇演講稿的 不但英文要行 徹底深入過美國文化 更要專研過新聞頭條 香港巴士阿叔與其相比 只能用[不倫不類]來形容.

當然了 很多內地與亞洲的新聞 我相信 只有生活過這種環境的人才能完全體會 香港很多的笑話 歇後語 場裏的許多香港同事絞盡腦汁形容給我聽 但我就是不懂 因為我沒有那種環境 他們也就笑笑我 說我永遠不可能成為道道地地的香港人!呵呵...沒關係 我就是我 對吧?

說到我就是我 這篇文章可能很多人看不懂 爸媽認為我應該多寫勵志文章鼓勵人 但很可惜 我就是我 我沒有那麼多勵志文章分享給大家 我也是人 也有7情6慾 也曾失敗過 痛苦過 沮喪過 慌亂過 莽撞過 因此 爸 媽 親愛的網友們 不好意思 今天的文章有點無聊 但 我就是我

好啦 說了那麼多廢話 趕快來看看Colbert剩下的演講稿吧 到了最後Colbert還放了一段錄影帶給大家看 當中自然少不了他一貫的諷刺作風 但我覺得有點太扯了 因此沒有多做翻譯 有興趣的人 請自己上網找吧

在這裡 先謝謝大家的耐心與支持:

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

- 我支持這個人.我支持他因為他站在自己的觀點上/有主見.他不但[站]在自己的觀點上,他還[站]在其他的東西上,比如說航空母艦啦,廢墟啦,以及剛剛被水淹的城市廣場上等等.這其中有一個重要的啟示:無論美國發生什麼重大災害,只要將影響力最大,事先設計好的媒體照片登出來,運\用得當,美國就能振作起來.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!

- 也許我們正面對許多能源危機.但我們這位總統有一個思想非常前衛的能源政策.你知道他為什麼老是在他的農場上修樹嗎?因為他在開發其它的能源.2008年,我們將會看到第一部以灌木為燃料的汽車正式上路.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

- 而且,我就是喜歡這個人.他是一個老好人.很明顯的他很愛他老婆,稱他為自己的賢內助,民調也贊同.勞拉是一個真正的淑女和完美的女人,但總統夫人我必須在此跟您抱怨一下.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

- 真是抱歉,但您所提出的閱讀倡議,不好意思,我向來不是書本的粉絲,因為我不信任書本.書本裏只有實情,沒有感情.都是一班傑出菁英在教訓我們何謂真假,什麼發生過什麼沒發生.大英百科全書算什麼東西啊?竟敢教訓我巴拿馬運\河是在1914年興建的?我就偏要說巴拿馬運\河是1941年興建的,那是我作為美國人的權利.我和總統站在同一陣線,就讓歷史來評斷一切.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.

- 這個人最大的優點就是他很穩,立場堅定.無論週二發生什麼重大事件,他週一的立場到了周三依然不改.世事變幻莫測,但這個人的信仰永不改變.

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story:  the president's side, and the vice president's side.

- 雖然今天能與總統同桌我很興奮,但身處於正在摧毀美國的自由主義媒體當中令我膽寒,福克斯新聞除外.福克斯新聞提供正負兩面報導:總統一面的說法和副總統一面的說法.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason:  they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

- 但其餘的你們,你們在想什麼啊?竟敢跑去報導國家安全局竊聽事件以及東歐秘密監獄.那些事件被升級為秘密必有其因:因為這些消息讓人超級沮喪啊!如果你們的用意就是要讓人沮喪的話,那恭喜你們,任務圓滿完成.

Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

- 這5年來你們工作表現真是沒話說,特別是在減稅,大殺傷性武器情報收集,全球暖化等方面.我們美國人不想知道,而你們也很禮貌性的不去挖掘.就我們所知,那5年真是好時光.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

- 不過,聽清楚,我們來回顧一下規則,遊戲是這樣玩的:總統決定.他是決策者.新聞發言人宣布總統決策,你們媒體就把決策打出來.決定,宣布,打出來.新聞稿查查有沒有錯子然後趕快回家.好好增進一下親子關係,和老婆享受一下魚水之歡,沒事還可以寫一本醞釀以久的書,一本講述一位勇敢的華盛頓記者如何鼓起勇氣對抗現任政府.沒錯!一本虛構的小說.

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, \"Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.\" First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

- 因為說真的,這些被訪者何必要回答你們記者的問題呢?反正你們永遠不滿意.你們要求人事更改.白宮就照著你們的吩咐做人事變動.之後你們又寫說”哦!他們只是在重新編排鐵達尼號上的桌椅.”首先,這個隱喻用得真差勁.現任政府並沒有下沉啊!這個政府在飛騰昂揚啊!就算要寫,也得寫成”他們只是在重新編排興登堡號上的桌椅.”

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

- 其實他們也不全是壞人,這中間還是有些英雄:克里斯多夫.巴克利 (以諷刺文字著稱的自由撰稿人兼作家), Jeff Sacks (不太清楚他是誰.你們有誰知道嗎?), Ken Burns (美國著名導演,攝影師,音效師,製作人,編劇), 鮑勃.希佛 (美國CBS晚間新聞主播名嘴).這些人都上過我的節目.對了總統先生,謝謝你答應上我的節目.我承認我跟在場的所有觀眾一樣錯愕.星期二來好嗎?我原本請法蘭克.里奇 (紐約時報專欄作家)上我的節目,但我可以隨時將他踢走,真的[踢]走.我跟他很熟,一句話.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

- 來看看今晚在場的還有哪些嘉賓.空軍參謀\長莫斯里將軍.還有參謀\長聯席會議主席彼得.佩斯將軍.咦?他們還是支持拉姆斯菲爾德,對吧?你們還沒有退休吧?嗯,可見他們還是支持拉姆斯菲爾德.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble:  don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

- 對了,對於這批頻頻製造麻煩的退休將軍我倒是有一個建議:不 要 讓 他 們 退 休!退什麼休呢?我們不是有一個停止人才流失計畫嗎?何不將此計畫用在這些人身上呢?我看過津尼將軍(前美軍中央司令部司令)和那群退休將軍上沃爾夫.布利策(美國有線電視新聞網CNN資深政論家)節目.如果有膽識上那種博學節目,那就絕對有膽量站在一排電腦上命令士兵上戰場廝殺.還不快把他們給請回來?

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

- 杰西.捷克森 (非藉美裔政治領袖,浸信會牧師及演說家,”拯救人類人民聯盟”創辦者,美國第一位競選總統的黑人)也來了,咱們的牧師先生,最近比較少有他的消息,他也曾上過我的節目.那是一次極有趣又富挑戰性的訪談.你可以隨便問他什麼, 但他會依照著自己的速度回答他想回答的,有如跟冰河打拳擊.對了,好好享受一下那個隱喻,因為你們的子孫絕對不會知道什麼是冰河.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you?  [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

- 斯加利亞大法官 (美國聯邦最高法院法官)也在場.歡迎你來.讓我第一個來告訴你,你的氣色真好.你好嗎? (苛伯每說完一句話就比一個手勢,間接提示到斯加利亞最近在回答記者質詢時向對方用了猥褻的西西里手勢.在此,只見斯加利亞開懷大笑.]我在用西西里語跟我的好夥伴打聲招呼.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

- 約翰.麥凱恩(美國亞利桑那州參議員)也來了.麥凱恩,麥凱恩,真是一頭野牛!你們誰快去看看他用什麼叉子吃沙拉,因為我保證他絕對不是用沙拉叉.他連湯匙都可以用來吃沙拉.一個捉摸不定的人.對了,麥凱恩參議員,真高興看到你回到共和黨的懷抱.我在南卡羅萊納州有一個度假小屋;下次你再來保伯璟斯大學演講時記得打給我.真慶幸你終於見到曙光.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

- 納金市長!有[巧克力城]之稱的紐奧爾良市市長納金今晚也來了! 對,大家請掌聲鼓勵鼓勵.納金市長,我要歡迎您來到這個有[外層巧克力,裡面軟糖夾心,中間腐壞餅乾]之稱的首都華盛頓,我想[馬拉莫]季節餅乾是最貼切的形容吧!

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.

- 約瑟夫.威爾遜 (前美國駐以拉克大使) 也在現場,他就坐在前排,可以說是繼德西.阿納茲之後又一知名老公.他也理所當然的帶了他美麗太座大人瓦萊麗.普萊姆 (前美國CIA中情局特工)  天啊!我究竟說了什麼啊?我…我…我…真是抱歉啊總統先生,我是想說他帶了他美麗太座大人...[約瑟夫.威爾遜太太].帕特理克.菲茨杰拉德 (聯邦檢察官,負責調查特工門一案) 今晚不在吧?好險,逃過一劫.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, \"Snow Job.\" Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

- 當然了,我們怎能放過今晚的亮點,新任白宮發言人拖尼.斯諾,特工代號[斯諾任務].不可能的任務,他真是個英雄,接下了政府部門裏第二困難的工作.第一困難乃駐伊拉客大使.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.

- 你的任務艱鉅啊,拖尼,任務艱鉅啊!麥克萊倫發言時的[不知所云]可謂無人能比哦!當然了,麥克萊倫可等不及趕快退休,好好和安德魯.卡德 (前白宮辦公室主任) 的孩子們打成一片.總統先生,我還真希望你沒有這麼快就下決定.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.  In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
- 就連我自己都想爭取一下新聞發言人的位置.我認為我一定能夠勝任.我對那批記者除了藐視還是藐視,我知道如何對付那些小丑.我這裏還準備了一卷應徵錄影帶,如有您的許可,我將放出來至少試試看我的機會.先生女士們,我的新聞記者會.

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STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

- 海倫.湯姆斯女士 (白宮首席女記者,赫斯特報業集團專欄作家,現年85歲,任職40年間質問過8位美國總統),先生女士們,史密斯先生,諸位白宮通訊記者協會會員,第一夫人,總統先生,我實在感到相當榮幸.非常謝謝你們,晚安.