据说是牛津大学学生的满分雅思作文(推荐给大家）
以下是一个据说是牛津大学学生的满分雅思作文。实录如下：题目：
It is right that college graduates earn higher salaries than the less well-educated in the community. But they should also pay the full cost of their study. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
原文：
Some conclude that college students should bear expenses for their higher learning on the generalization that college graduates usually receive higher salaries for similar jobs than those without a college degree. We can not deny that higher level of education, indeed, does associate with better income. Still, build on such fact alone, the conclusion remains questionable when more aspects are taken into consideration.
The whole argument in question rests on an assumption that it is always the case that people with higher education make more money than those less well-educated. But salary or income is, in most cases, based on contributions made by employees to companies or organizations in which they are employed. Statistics in the labor market indicate that people with professional training tend to find jobs easier than college graduates do and that blue-collar workers who do not hold college degrees are becoming the hotties in the labor market. Employers prefer to hire and pay more to highly skilled and specially trained people rather than fresh college graduates. In the auto industry, for instance, skilled technicians make two or three times more than their college-educated counterparts who make the average salaries in other companies. And it is widely accepted that people’s income is determined more by talent, hard work, and willingness to take risks than solely by certain qualifications such as college education. Otherwise, the unemployment rate of college graduates would not be increasing every year and the rule of supply and demand will lose much of power in controlling the labor market. Admittedly in some knowledge extensive fields such as research, teaching, and practice of law the labor force are primarily consisted of highly educated professionals. But such people make up only a fraction of the labor market and are thus unrepresentative of the whole employment in general.
Considering the goal of education, we find that it is even more problematic for the country to throw all the responsibility of financing college education to college students. The goal of higher education of a nation is to improve and strengthen the general level of intellectual and professional capacity of its labor force, thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy. As tax payers, parents all contributes to the education system and country in various ways. It is only reasonable and necessary that the country gives some forms of financially assistance to students to ease the burden of rising education costs. Such help should go to not only students from needy or impoverished families but also outstanding students from affluent backgrounds. Doing so can significantly boost the motivation of children from millions of families to engage in higher level of study. It is understandable that the general quality of people in a country will improve and its economy will benefit both now and in years to follow.
If the burden of supporting children’s higher education is dumped on parents and students, thousands of brilliant students will be deprived of chances to pursue their academic inspiration. Among those who suffer would definitely be future great scientists, business managers, artists and statesmen. The loss will be disastrous and irreversible.
In conclusion, the idea that students should also pay the full cost of their study is wrong and harmful because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income. Moreover, it is in the best interest of a nation to take responsibility in financing college education so that the goal of higher education will be better met.
我的评析
1) 审题
It is right that college graduates earn higher salaries than the less well-educated in the community. But they should also pay the full cost of their study. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
A.背景：大学毕业生确实比没受过良好教育的人的收入高，但是，他们应该全额支付自己的学费。
B.任务：你是否同意上述观点。
C.题型：Agree/Disagree题型
D.全文结构：
引言段：一句改写式扣题，另一句承上启下。
正文段：写两或三段，给出两个或三个理由。
结论段：一两句呼应主题，另一两句升华论述。
2) 各段评价
(1) 引言段
Some conclude that college students should bear expenses for their higher learning on the generalization that college graduates usually receive higher salaries for similar jobs than those without a college degree. We can not deny that higher level of education, indeed, does associate with better income. Still, build on such fact alone, the conclusion remains questionable when more aspects are taken into consideration.
A.用词特点
·Some conclude：conclude的意思是“断言”，不是“结论”。
·on the generalization that等于on the basis that或on the ground that或because，是一个很地道的书面语用词。
B句式特点
·比较下列两句：
It is right that college graduates earn higher salaries than the less well-educated in the community. But they should also pay the full cost of their study.
Some conclude that college students should bear expenses for their higher learning on the generalization that college graduates usually receive higher salaries for similar jobs than those without a college degree.
前一句是题目里的背景句子，后一句是作者引言段里的第一句。后一句是对前一句的改写。这告诉大家一个铁定的写作技巧：
写引言段时，一定要用自己的话改写题目中的背景句子，不要抄写题目中的原句，否则会被判零分。
·Still, build on such fact alone, the conclusion remains questionable when more aspects are taken into consideration：build on such fact alone等于if the conclusion is based on such fact alone。英语中规定，如果if引导的句子里的主语与主句的主语一样，那么，可以把从句里的主语省略，将从句改为分词结构作状语。这叫分词结构代替常规的状语从句。其他例如：
When the exercise is finished, it should be handed in. (划线部分是相同的主语)
↓
When the exercise is finished, it should be handed in.
↓
去掉被重复的主语
↓
When is finished, it should be handed in.
↓
When 是连词，
其后不能直接
跟be的原形，改为：
When being finished, it should be handed in.
↓
Being可以省略，
得到：
When finished, it should be handed in.
C.“结构”、“任务”、“思路”
·Still, build on such fact alone, the conclusion remains questionable when more aspects are taken into consideration：本句是一个承上启下的句子。最妙的是：作者没有 I doubt、 I challenge、I do not agree这样的字眼，而是用了一个remains questionable（值得质疑）这样的词，表明了作者对主题的态度。由此，我们完全可以预测，作者反对“大学毕业生确实比没受过良好教育的人的收入高，但是，他们应该全额支付自己的学费”这个观点，并将在后续的论述中提出自己的论据。这是一种十分高明的方法，是地道的书面语，明显有别与中国同学常用的I do not agree这样的幼稚词语。
D.全段总评
·句式紧凑、高档；立场明确，承上启下做得好。
(2) 正文各段
正文第一段
The whole argument in question rests on an assumption that it is always the case that people with higher education make more money than those less well-educated. But salary or income is, in most cases, based on contributions made by employees to companies or organizations in which they are employed. Statistics in the labor market indicate that people with professional training tend to find jobs easier than college graduates do and that blue-collar workers who do not hold college degrees are becoming the hotties in the labor market. Employers prefer to hire and pay more to highly skilled and specially trained people rather than fresh college graduates. In the auto industry, for instance, skilled technicians make two or three times more than their college-educated counterparts who make the average salaries in other companies. And it is widely accepted that people’s income is determined more by talent, hard work, and willingness to take risks than solely by certain qualifications such as college education. Otherwise, the unemployment rate of college graduates would not be increasing every year and the rule of supply and demand will lose much of power in controlling the labor market. Admittedly in some knowledge extensive fields such as research, teaching, and practice of law the labor force are primarily consisted of highly educated professionals. But such people make up only a fraction of the labor market and are thus unrepresentative of the whole employment in general.
A.用词特点
·in question等于in discussion。
·rests on等于is based on。
·companies or organizations是同义词叠用。
B.句式特点
·…rests on an assumption that it is always the case that people with higher education make more money than those less well-educated：本句里，第一个that是assumption的同位语；第二个that引导的是case的同位语。
·But salary or income is, in most cases, based on contributions made by employees to companies or organizations in which they are employed：in most cases是插入语。made by employees to companies or organizations是简化了的定语从句，等于which are made by。为什么要简化呢？因为后边还有一个完整的定语从句。如果两个都写成完整的定语从句，就重复了，而重复是英语所厌恶的。
·Statistics in the labor market indicate that…：这是用例子佐证作者观点的一种写法，简单实用。
·…it is widely accepted that…是表达个人观点的客观句式。
C.“结构”、“任务”、“思路”
·本段，作者采取主题句+例证+议论“思路”，很好地表明了作者在引言段里对“大学毕业生确实比没受过良好教育的人的收入高，但是，他们应该全额支付自己的学费”的置疑（challenge）
D.全段总评
·用词地道、句式多变、思路清晰、佐证充分。
正文第二段：
Considering the goal of education, we find that it is even more problematic for the country to throw all the responsibility of financing college education to college students. The goal of higher education of a nation is to improve and strengthen the general level of intellectual and professional capacity of its labor force, thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy. As tax payers, parents all contributes to the education system and country in various ways. It is only reasonable and necessary that the country gives some forms of financially assistance to students to ease the burden of rising education costs. Such help should go to not only students from needy or impoverished families but also outstanding students from affluent backgrounds. Doing so can significantly boost the motivation of children from millions of families to engage in higher level of study. It is understandable that the general quality of people in a country will improve and its economy will benefit both now and in years to follow.
A.用词特点
·…for the country to throw all the responsibility of financing college education to college students：throw一词用得何其地道和形象啊。
·improve and strengthen是同义词叠用。
·It is only reasonable and necessary划线部分是同义词叠用。
B.句式特点
·Considering the goal of education, we find that…：划线部分是分词结构做状语（代替常规的状语从句），等于：
If/when we consider the goal of education, we find that…
↓
与主句里的we重复了，
英语讨厌重复，去之：
If/when consider the goal of education, we find that…
↓
连词后不能直接跟动词，
改为分词：
If/when considering the goal of education, we find that…
↓
分词结构可以代替
各种状语从句，因此可以
省略连词：
Considering the goal of education, we find that…
·The goal of higher education of a nation is to improve and strengthen the general level of intellectual and professional capacity of its labor force, thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy：thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy是分词结构做目的状语从句；去掉thereby，意思也不变。还可以改为：which increases the competency of the nation in the global economy，这是由which引导的一个状语从句，不是定语从句。又如：
The moving parts of a machine must be oiled, the friction of the parts can ce greatly reduced.（机器的活动部件必须上油，从而使部件的磨损大大减低。）
·It is only reasonable and necessary that是表达个人观点的客观句式。
·It is understandable that是表达个人观点的客观句式。
C.“结构”、“任务”、“思路”
·本段从免费教育对公民和民族利益的高度加以论述，令人信服。
D.本段总评：
·用词地道、句式多变、思路清晰、佐证充分。
正文第三段：
If the burden of supporting children’s higher education is dumped on parents and students, thousands of brilliant students will be deprived of chances to pursue their academic inspiration. Among those who suffer would definitely be future great scientists, business managers, artists and statesmen. The loss will be disastrous and irreversible.
A.用词特点
·dumped on：很形象的一个词。
·disastrous and irreversible是同义词叠用。
B.句式特点
·Among those who suffer would definitely be...是个倒装结构。
·The loss will be disastrous and irreversible：短句子常可以起到斩荆截铁的作用。
C.“结构”、“任务”、“思路”
·本段，作者指出了如果教育不免费对个人和民族的恶劣后果。
D.全段总评
结论段：
In conclusion, the idea that students should also pay the full cost of their study is wrong and harmful because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income. Moreover, it is in the best interest of a nation to take responsibility in financing college education so that the goal of higher education will be better met.
A.用词特点
·wrong and harmful是同义词叠用。
B.句式特点
·it is wrong to assume that是表达个人观点的客观句式。
·it is in the best interest of a nation to是表达个人观点的客观句式。
D.“结构”、“任务”、“思路”
·结论段通常的结构是：
一句再现主题：用自己的话回顾前边的议题。
一句升华论述：说出自己经过前边的论述所得出的观点。
以本段为例：
In conclusion, the idea that students should also pay the full cost of their study is wrong and harmful because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income：本句是再现主题。
·Moreover, it is in the best interest of a nation to take responsibility in financing college education so that the goal of higher education will be better met：本句是升华——作者的最后观点是“免费教育最符合一个民族的利益——这正是高等教育的目标”。
3）全文总评
·句式多变，母语味浓：要素齐全，结构合理，思路连贯，推理信服，观点清晰。
4）作者用到的句式手段
(1) 分词结构
·Still, built on such fact alone, the conclusion remains questionable….
·The goal of higher education of a nation is to improve and strengthen the general level of intellectual and professional capacity of its labor force, thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy.
·Considering the goal of education, we find that it is even more problematic for the country to throw all the responsibility of financing college education to college students.
(2) 同位语
·The whole argument in question rests on an assumption that it is always the case that people with higher education make more money than those less well-educated.
(3) 插入语
·But salary or income is, in most cases, based on contributions made by employees to companies or organizations in which they are employed.
(4) 同义词叠用
·It is only reasonable and necessary that the country gives some forms of financial assistance to students to ease the burden of rising education costs
·…because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income.
·…the idea that students should also pay the full cost of their study is wrong and harmful because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income.
·The loss will be disastrous and irreversible.
(5) 倒装句
·Among those who suffer would definitely be future great scientists, business managers, artists and statesmen.
(6) 表达个人观点的客观句式
全文没有一次用到“I”，而是使用客观的表述（形式主语或含有被动语态的形式主语句式），给人以中立、客观、公正的印象，增强了说服力：
·And it is widely accepted that people’s income is determined more by talent, hard work, and willingness to take risks than solely by certain qualifications such as college education.
·It is only reasonable and necessary that the country gives some forms of financially assistance to students to ease the burden of rising education costs. Such help should go to not only students from needy or impoverished families but also outstanding students from affluent backgrounds.
·It is understandable that the general quality of people in a country will improve and its economy will benefit both now and in years to follow.
·In conclusion, the idea that students should also pay the full cost of their study is wrong and harmful because it is wrong to assume that higher education necessarily equalize high income.
·Moreover, it is in the best interest of a nation to take responsibility in financing college education so that the goal of higher education will be better met.
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