Interesting Similarities and More (re:2007 韩素音翻译竞赛)
http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=26&ID=26218&page=1【转贴】
1、标题：在义与利之外
我的译文：Beyond Righteousness and Gain
参考译文：Beyond Righteousness and Gain
2、原文：曾经有过一个人皆君子言必称义的时代
我的译文：There was a time when everyone claimed to be a gentleman and every word uttered was about righteousness.
参考译文: There was once a time when almost everyone claimed to be a genteman and every word uttered was about righteousness.
（以下例子顺序均为原文、我的译文、参考译文）
3、当时或许有过大义灭利的真君子，但更常见的是借义逐利的伪君子和假义真信的迂君子。
Perhaps there were indeed true gentlemen who were so righteous as to give up whatever was profitable; but one was more likely to meet hypocrites who used righteousness as a fig leaf for their cupidity, or innocents eager to be gentlemen who believed in whatever passed for righteousness.
At that time, there might have been some truly virtuous men who were so righteous as to give up whatever was profitable. But, more likely, one might meet hypocrites who used righteousness as a fig leaf for their cupidity, or pedants believed in whatever passed for righteousness.
4、义的信誉一落千丈，真君子销声匿迹，伪君子真相毕露，迂君子豁然开窍，都一窝蜂奔利而去。
[…] the reputation of righteousness took a nosedive. True gentlemen were extinct; hypocrites dropped the fig leaf and the scales fell from the eyes of innocents, and all joined in the scramble for profit.
[…] the reputation of righteousness nosedived, truly virtuous men became extinct, hypocrites dropped the fig leaf and the scales fell from the eyes of the pedants. Without exception, they all joined in the scramble for gain.
5、原来利并非小人的专利，倒是做人的天经地义。
[…] the pursuit of the latter is no longer the monopoly of mean men, but a golden rule for all.
[…] seeking material gains is not the exclusive patent of the mean, but a golden rule for all.
6、有真性情的人，与人相处唯求情感的沟通，与物相触独钟情趣的品味。
A man who is true to his temperament seeks nothing but the communication of feelings in the company of people and the cultivation of taste where possession is concerned.
A man of disposition seeks nothing but the communication of feelings while in company, and the cultivation of taste while possessing something.
(I give the guys credit for using ‘in company’—it is simpler and more elegant; but ‘while possessing something’ is bad—Google ‘while possessing’ and you’ll find that ‘while’ is usually used as a contrastive conjunction here.)
7、当然，人生总有其不可消除的痛苦，而重情轻利的人所体味到的辛酸悲哀，更为逐利之辈所梦想不到。
Of course, life can never be free of pain, and a profit-seeker cannot dream of the sadness of one who places a premium on being true to his temperament.
Of course, life can never be free from pains , and a wealth hunter can not dream of the sadness of a man who places a premium on his true disposition.
8、但是，摆脱了占有欲，至少可以使人免除许多琐屑的烦恼和渺小的痛苦，活得有器度些。
However, to be free of the mania for possession may at least save you a lot of petty worries and pain, broadening your mind.
However, to be free from the mania for possession may at least save you many petty worries and pains, and let you enjoy a graceful life.
(It seems that they can’t tell the difference between ‘pain’ and ‘pains’.)
在《参赛译文评析》中的“连贯性”一节中，评委了这样一句为例：
在义利之外，还有别样的人生态度。在君子小人之外，还有别样的人格。套孔子的句式，不妨说：“至人喻以情。”
下面引用的参赛译文3，便是我的译文：
In the vein of the Confucian quote, one might say, ‘the accomplished man is concerned with his temperament.’ (The superior man pays more attention to morality; and the inferior man pays more attention to profit.)
评委为了说明这个译文前后不连贯，把文章开头一句译文放在括号里。括号外的千真万确是我的译文：连我喜欢用的单引号都照抄（其他两个参赛译文和评委的参考译文都用了双引号），可是括号里的那是什么玩意？我的文章开头那句可是这样译的：
A gentleman is concerned with righteousness and a mean man with gain.
那我的译文当靶子我倒没意见，可总不能这么干吧？
还有一点很奇怪的是，评委说到原文的头两句（“君子喻以义，小人喻以利”。中国人的人生哲学总是围绕着义利二字打转。）如果按照原来顺序译，会显得不连贯，不如把顺序颠倒一下。这真是于我心有戚戚焉啊！我的译文是：
The Chinese outlook on life is obsessed with the notions of ‘righteousness’ and ‘gain’. According to Confucius, ‘A gentleman is concerned with righteousness and a mean man with gain.’
正好倒过来了。可奇怪的是，给出的参考译文里，还是按原来顺序译的。
在“虚与实”一节里，“权利”莫名其妙变成了“权力”：
“义”教人奉献，“利”诱人占有，前者把人生变成一次义务的履行，后者把人生变成一场权力的争夺，殊不知人生的真价值是超乎义务和权力外的。义和利都脱不开计较，所以，无论义师讨伐叛臣，还是利欲支配众生，人与人之间的关系总是紧张。
说得好好的“义”与“利”，怎么会忽然说起“权力”来了？印刷错误吗？非也。请看参考译文：
[…] the latter breeds a life-long scramble for wealth and power. We must remember, however, the true value of life is beyond obligations and power.
原文里有 “在世人匆忙逐利又为利所逐的时代”，其实“匆忙逐利又为利所逐”说的都是一个意思，就是追逐利益。参考译文是in a time when most people are busy hunting for wealth and being hunted by it。我倒是希望be hunted by wealth！
当然，总的说来，这次的译文和评析比去年要好，译文总体还算顺畅，分析得也有道理。只是有一点令人遗憾：假如这篇译文能够摆脱那篇连优秀奖也配不上的参赛译文的不良影响，那无疑还会更好一些。
页:
[1]