席慕蓉散文:一个春日的下午
很小的时候，在南京住过两年。有一次，有人给了我一块石头，圆圆润润的一 小颗，乳黄色里带有一种透明的光泽，很漂亮。那年大概是五岁的我，非常喜欢它，走出走进都带着，把它叫做“我的宝石”。When I was very little, I had been living in Nanjing for 2 years.( the Capital of Jiang-shu Province China, about 2-3 hours by an Express Train from shanghai; it is on the Yang-Zi River) once, I was given a tiny stone, oval-shaped, and silky smooth touching, yellowish colored but shines from within crystal-alike, very pretty. Me, only five, liked it so much; It had been with me in and out all along, I called it \"my precious stone\".
有天傍晚，我一个人站在院子里，天色已经很暗了，我忽然起了一个念头，想把这颗石头抛出去，看看能不能把它找回来。于是，我就把石头往我身后反抛出去了，石头就落在我身后的草丛里。奇怪的是，在抛出的那一刻我就已经开始后悔了，心里很清楚地知道自己正在做一件很愚笨的事，我一定找不回我的石头了。
One evening, it was dark already when I stood in the courtyard outside. Suddenly, an idea occupied my little heart, what will happen to it if I throw it away into the darkness? or if I could find it back again? Then, I threw it behind my back, the stone dropped into a bush of grass behind me. Surprisingly, I regretted at the moment I did it. Quite consciously, in my understanding that I could never find it back, and how stupid I was of doing so.
我果然再也没能找回那颗小石头。草并不长，草坪地不算太大，可是，正如我所预知的那样，尽管我仔细翻寻了每一丛草根，搜遍了每一个它可能会在的角落，我始终没能再找回我的宝石。
So true that I was unable to get it back. the lawn was not big, and grass not so tall, Yet, it fell as I thought, no matter how hard I tried, looking every piece of the grass, searched every single inch of the land, finally never could I find it back, my stone, so precious, lost for so ever.
这么多年过去了，我自然能记得院子里那一种昏黄的暮色和那个孤独的小女孩 在草丛里搜寻时的慌乱与悔恨的心情。这么多年过去了，我也走过不少地方，经历了不少事情，看过不少石头，家里 也搜集了不少美丽的或者奇怪的矿石，但是，没有一颗可以替代、可以让我忘记我在五岁时丢失的那一颗。
Many years had gone by, but still naturally I memorized when under darkened sky and the regretless in a flurry in finding it back. So as time past, places have been traveled, things experienced; Stones, and Rocks in home collection or on the shelves; strange or pretty, yet nothing is in comparable with that 'little yellowish stone'. None of them can replace the one on my little mind, the memory of the one of my five years age is ( not ) inerasable. '
我总会不时地想起它来，在我心里，它的圆润和美丽实在是无法替代的了。尤其是因为过错是由我自己造成的，是我亲手把它抛弃的，所以，那样的憾恨总是无法弥补。也因此，那一颗小小的原本并不足为奇的石头，竟然真的变成了我心里的 一颗宝石了。
Always, it came into my mind time and time again, the smoothness and beauty of it is definitely implacable. Especially, it was I that had thrown it away, my mistake, my own decision, so no remedy could be made to it. And because the same why, that very ordinarily looking a tiny stone as its origin, as to me, had turned into a really 'precious ruby in yellowish color'.
当然，有的时候，我也知道这一种执迷本身实在是很幼雅和很可笑的。不是吗 ？想一想，当年的我若是能在那个傍晚找回那颗石头，在小小的五岁孩童的手中又能保留多久呢？还不是也会和那些早已被我毁坏被我丢弃的童年时的玩具一样，彻彻底底地从我的记忆里消失，一丝痕迹也不会留下来吗？事实不是就应该只是如此 而已吗？
For sure, some times, I knew it was quite childish and fool to be so stumble as that. If it is so, Juts think, if when at that night, I had found my 'precious' back that night? how long could it had been staying in hand of five? Without too much traces or totally disappeared from my mind, alike damaged toys or other loss in childhood. Shouldn't it like this happenings or nevertheless?
|可是，就是因为那天的我始终没能把它找回来，它因此反而始终不会消失，始 终停留在我的心里，变成了我心中最深处的一种模糊的憾恨，而它的形象也因为这 一种憾恨的衬托反而变得更为清晰与美丽了。因此，得与失之间，实在是不能只从表面来衡量来判断的了，不是吗？
However, only because that I couldn't get it back that night, it became immortalized ever since. it stays on my mind, a regret-fullness, (a bit of vague image mirrored ) , in the deepest place of my mind. And in imaginary, with this regret-fullness in the back, it became clearer, and prettier, as it turned. So, from in between, the lost and what you gained later, sometimes, it is quite beyond what we could judge from only a skin deep? is it right? End
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