I AM THE WIND 我是风
I AM THE WIND我是风
I am the wind that wavers,
我是那舞动的风
You are the certain land;
而你是那安静的土地
I am the shadow that passes
Over the sand.
我是那跨越你土地的影子
I am the leaf that quivers,
我是那震澶的叶子
You--the unshaken tree;
而你是那宁静的树
You are the stars that are steadfast,
你是那坚定的群星
I am the sea.
而我是那大海
You are the light eternal,
你是那永恒的光辉
Like a torch I shall die...
而我要象火炬熄灭
You are the surge of deep music,
I--but a cry!
你是那深沉乐音的波涛
可我，只会哭泣 不知道这首诗是不是你自己翻译的,有几个地方不太赞同,冒昧给你几点意见.
shadow用"跨过"来形容似乎不太合适
"Like a torch I shall die...而我要象火炬熄灭 "原诗似乎重在强调"我"做为"你"生命中的的过客是微不足道的一部分.这么译没能突出这层涵义.
"You are the surge of deep music,
I--but a cry!
你是那深沉乐音的波涛
可我，只会哭泣"也犯了同样的毛病.
个人意见,仅供参考
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