汇丰商务英语写作教程（28）
如何写说服客户改变主意的信件？按照下面的步骤，您就可以轻松搞定。Difficult Letter #1: Persuading a Customer
THE SITUATION
An HSBC customer in Thailand has decided to purchase a new car. As a result, he has requested an increase in his overdraft facility to pay for the new car.
HSBC, however, prefers its customers to use car loans when purchasing new cars. A loan allows customers to pay for the car over a longer period of time. The repayment schedule gives customers a clear picture of their financial commitments for the period of the loan. In addition, a loan enables customers to use their overdraft facility to meet unexpected expenses.
Your colleague has drafted a letter to persuade the customer to apply for a car loan.
THE FIRST DRAFT
Evaluate the tone of the first draft below.
21 October 200X
S Khomson
6/F 324 Phayathai Road
Bangkok
Dear Mr Khomson
Thank you for your letter requesting an increase in your overdraft facility.
We, however, do not recommend using your overdraft facility to purchase a new car. Therefore, we suggest that you apply for a car loan instead.
I have enclosed a brochure on car loans.
Please read the brochure and complete the application form. As soon as I receive your application, I will help you process the loan.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
What do you think of the tone of this letter?
Write your comments on a piece of paper. Then, compare your comments with the evaluation below.
THE FIRST DRAFT – EVALUATION
The letter is quite courteous. The writer has used appropriate strategies for writing polite, positive and personal sentences.
However, the writer has been too direct. The writer assumes that the customer will accept the suggestion. But the reader - the customer - has already indicated what he wants to do. So he may resist the suggestion.
How, then, can you get the customer to agree with your suggestion?
IMPROVING THE DRAFT
How could you improve the draft?
Write your ideas on a piece of paper. Then compare your ideas with the suggestions.
The writer's first sentence is quite pleasant. However, you could add a sentence to compliment the customer. For example:
\"I have enjoyed serving you over the past five years.\"
Before making a suggestion, you need to provide some background. You need to state the reasons for the suggestion first. If possible, you should also state how your suggestion can benefit the customer.
Then, you can make your suggestion.
Finally, you should close the letter positively. You should also offer your help if the customer agrees with your suggestion.
IMPROVING THE DRAFT - APPROPRIATE PATTERN
How do you structure the contents when you need to persuade a customer to accept your suggestion?
In the table below, the pattern for writing to persuade a customer is incomplete. You need to complete it.
Pattern for persuading a customer to accept your suggestion
1) Pleasant introduction, complimenting the customer
2)
3)
4) Polite close, with offer of help
Keys:
2) Reasons for / benefits of the suggestion
3) Suggestion
REVISING THE DRAFT
Now try revising the draft prepared by your colleague.
To do this, you will need
l the draft prepared by your colleague
l the appropriate pattern for persuading a customer to accept a suggestion
l information about the benefits of a car loan
l a pen and a piece of paper.
REVISING THE DRAFT – EXAMPLE
21 October 200X
S Khomson
6/F 324 Phayathai Road
Bangkok
Dear Mr Khomson
Thank you for your letter requesting an increase in your overdraft facility. I have always enjoyed assisting you manage your finances over the years.
Purchasing a new car is a significant investment. An HSBC car loan allows you to pay for your new car over a longer period of time. In addition, whatever repayment schedule you choose provides you with a clear picture of your financial commitments for the whole period. At the same time, you can still use your overdraft facility to meet any unexpected expenses.
Therefore, I suggest that you apply for a car loan when you purchase your new car. I have enclosed a brochure which provides additional information.
Mr Khomson, I urge you to consider this suggestion. I believe you will find a car loan the most convenient way to meet all of your expenses, both budgeted and unexpected. Please call me on 217 9876 so that we can discuss the terms in detail.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
下一节我们将学习如何写 refusing requests 的信件。
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